


My Angel

by muffin (PewDiePie)



Series: Old fanfics from 2015/2016 - Frerard, Petekey, Ryden, Phan [1]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Back in 2015, Bottom Mikey Way, Bullying, But he doesn't rape Gerard, Cliche, Coma, Depressed Gerard Way, Depression, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Frank is a terrible person after, Gay, Gay Sex, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I FORGOT WHAT HAPPENS, I was 14 okAY, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Im a better writer now, Loss of Virginity, Lots of it, M/M, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Posting it anyway, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Teen Frank Iero, Teen Gerard Way, billie joe does, i dont know what i was thinking, i think, i wrote this in 2015 dont judge me i was 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 18:08:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 56,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12138162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PewDiePie/pseuds/muffin
Summary: Gerard Way is in school and has no friends except his brother, Mikey. But then he meets Frank Iero, the new boy, and becomes friends with him when Frank saves him from his suicide attempt.-My first fanfic, from 2015.





	1. I'm sorry we had to meet this way

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to go ahead and post all or most of my old fanfics from wattpad to ao3. I literally wrote this at age 14. Please bear with me. I know it's not v good so you can make fun of it if you'd like.

From the first moment I stepped in this school for the first time, I knew I was hated already. 

I didn't have any friends except my brother. Not even at my last school.  
I was treated like I didn't exist. I was only acknowledged by teachers and the principal. Oh, and the janitor.

I was pretty much a loner. I talked to no one really. Only my brother, Mikey. I hated everyone at my last school for the way they all treated me.  
I hated everyone at this school as well.  
Mikey wasn't in the same school as me. I was expelled from his school. The reason being I got into a lot of fights. Oh well.

I sat down at my desk in science class while it was empty. Class started in five, so I figured I had nothing else better to do than wait. I had been at this stupid school for about a year. Still had no friends. Probably because I didn't want them so I was purposely being an asshole towards everyone. Or maybe because people just didn't like me. Either way, oh well. At least I didn't have a partner to get on my nerves.

Mr. Williams walked in and was startled by me at my desk.

"Gerard," he said. He casually placed paperwork into his desk drawer. He sat down at his desk and started filling out more paperwork. "Early again?"

I nodded and sighed.

"Why don't you talk to anybody, Gerard? You've been here a year and I think you might've said three words to me the entire time," he said. He ran his fingers through his hair. I mean, Mr. Williams is nice and all, but he's weird. He seems like he's so interested in everything when I know he isn't. He raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged. He sighed and shook his head. "Maybe if you talked to people more, you'd have a friend. Why are you so antisocial?"

I rolled my eyes. Antisocial? Really? And yeah, right. Talking would only make my life even worse. I'm completely okay with being quiet.  
I don't understand Mr. Williams sometimes. I didn't really like him. His daughter, Hayley is... Crazy. That's all I can say. She tries to chat with me but I ignore her. She is too weird for my liking.

"People like me don't have friends," I said quietly, not making eye contact. I started to play with my fingers, trying to show him I was bored.

"People like you?" He questioned, perhaps surprised I spoke. He got out of his chair and walked over to me. I looked up but then looked away. I sighed.

"Loners."

"Gerard, are you okay?"

Yeah, sure. I'm completely okay. I don't wanna kill myself because everyone hates me at all, Mr. Williams. Yes, I'm overreacting, but I know myself, I can't deny that I am very suicidal, stressed out, depressed and pissed off. It's kind of obvious, you know, probably written all over my face.

"Hayley could be your friend if you'd let her," he sighed. He knows I'm not particularly fond of his daughter, so why push her on me? He shook his head as I snorted at his comment.

I don't fucking care. I don't want that crazy girl as my friend. Why the hell would you dare to suggest something so completely fucking stupid? Oh that's right. You are stupid. And now I'm back to not liking him again. We have a mutual understanding of each other. When I'm pissed at him, he backs off and I do the same. And eventually, I think it clicked in that tiny little brain of his that his daughter was a fucking weirdo, because he didn't dare say a damn word about when I snorted at his dumb comment.

"Well, there is a new kid," he announced. "You could befriend him. He's 15. Not too young, won't get on your nerves. He's actually very polite and I'm sure you two would probably get along okay if he just ignored and looked past your rudeness and..." He trailed off. But he was right. I was rude. I was rude for a reason. He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

I sighed and looked out the window at the falling snow, wondering what this new kid was like. Just because he is fifteen and I'm seventeen doesn't mean we'll get along, of course. He could be my mortal enemy. Actually, I already had one. But besides the point. We could hate every little thing about each other. In fact, to prove a point, I was going to purposely ignore this kid and be as much of an ass as I could towards him, just to make sure he understood. Now other than Mikey, there was one person I liked, but moving on from that subject...

Five minutes of silence passed. All of the students started piling in, one by one. There was probably about fifteen kids, including myself, in the room.

"Everyone, please welcome our new student, Frank Iero," Mr. Williams said enthusiastically. I didn't look up. I didn't want to know what he looked like.

"Hi, Frank," everyone sighed. God, this school was so enthusiastic! I mean, they're practically jumping out of their seats in excitement! I chucked quietly to myself, amusing myself with the sarcastic comments in my brain.

"You're partner will be Gerard," he said, pointing to me. Must be a mistake... I was still lost in my sarcastic thoughts when I looked up and realized who he was pointing at. Oh dear god. He was pointing at ME.

Why me? What makes you think it's okay to give me a partner I don't know? He could stab me if I drift off into sleep! Yes, I'm being a drama queen or what the fuck ever. But I don't know him and he could be a fucking axe murderer and damn, I looked up and saw him. He's fucking hot as hell, a mess but so damn hot, and shit, I'm not gay but dear god, he is fucking beautiful and dammit Gerard, snap out of it!

I blushed. The new kid, Frank, nodded and took his seat beside me.

Fuck. Now I'm stuck seeing this beautiful mess all semester.

* * *

I got done eating and headed straight for my locker. I felt someone creep up behind me as I pulled my books out. Oh dammit. I fucking bet you it's--

"Hi, Gerard."

I was fucking right. He interrupted my thoughts. And fuck, I made the mistake and turned around and was not surprised to see Brendon smiling at me with that annoying fucking smile he has, it wasn't even funny. I knew it was Brendon fucking Urie. I know things. And one of those things are to be able to know when Brendon was nearby. Like, there was a special thing about Brendon that I noticed, like his scent or something. Like he smelled like watermelons and pancakes or something fucking weird like that. I'm not sure. I just fucking know when he's close and it makes me cringe.

"What the fuck do you want, Brendon?"

He frowned. "Geez, anyway, I wanted to know what you were up to." I scowled. He just looked away and smiled again.

What the fuck does it look like, dumbass? Honestly, he's just... Oh god... Not the brightest lightbulb in the box? That or I'm just fifteen billion times smarter than him. And yes, I know I'm an ass. Probably the latter though. I was probably ten times smarter than more than half of the dumbasses in this hellhole. 

I don't like Brendon. He's annoying as hell. Also in love with Hayley. Or actually, never mind. I think he's gay. Or maybe he just appears to be. Hmm... Probably gay.

"I'm busy," I said annoyed, slamming my locker door closed. What the fuck does he want from me??? Go away!

And as soon as that thought was present in my head...

"Oh, okay," he said understandingly then he walked away.

Okay, don't tell me what you were really here for, retard. He can probably read my mind and knew I wanted him to leave. It doesn't matter. Brendon's gone! Yasss!

I found myself saying "yeah!" out loud. Thank god he was gone. I know I should jump at any opportunity to make friends, but Brendon Urie was not about to become my friend. I'd rather die alone. I know I only dislike him really because of his brother, John being associated with Bert, but what the hell ever. He's still annoying anyway.

I closed my locker. I stood in front of it thinking about what Mr. Williams said. I wondered what the new kid thought of me already. I knew we barely knew each other and we never spoke, but still, I wondered if he liked me. If he didn't, I'd be okay with it, I guess. I'm okay with being hated. I'm used to it, actually. To be honest, I would be friends with anyone if I wasn't extremely hated for no fucking reason. Well, I take that back. I'd be friends with anybody except Bert, Brendon, John and their friends. Lindsey doesn't count, because I like her, she's nice. Other than them, I wouldn't care.

I turned around at the sound of footsteps. I saw the new kid standing at his locker, unaware of me cautiously studying him. This fucking beautiful bastard... Dear god. What the hell? I'm not gay! Stop looking, Gerard, I know how much you want to but force your eyes away from this beautiful masterpiece, dammit. He is a work of art.

I took a minute to think of something to say to him, but dammit, I forgot his fucking name. Why can't I remember?!?! He's too pretty for me to just forget his name!!!!! I stood there staring at him, feeling ridiculously stupid because I didn't know how to start a fucking conversation with someone who I barely knew and it didn't help that I forgot his fucking name. He turned around and saw me. He wasn't expecting me to be behind him, I suppose, because he looked startled.

"Hi," he said politely. He waved and smiled at me. He smiled at me, Gerard fucking Way, antisocial, lonely and sad to look at. I was a fucking mess, a wreck, and he SMILED at me. I think I just fell apart... From happiness, of course. 

I gulped. "Hello." I tried to hide the excitement in my eyes. Of course I was super happy about the thought of someone possibly liking me and wanting to be my friend. Especially someone as pretty as the new boy.

He smiled and walked away.

Oh, okay then.

When I got home, I told Mikey all about my day, like usual. He seemed thrilled that I could possibly make a new friend. He smiled as I talked. Then he told me about his day. He apparently was in a fight and his friends helped him out.

"At least you have friends, Mikey," I sighed. "You have someone there to help when you're in a fight. I have no friends at school. When someone fights me, I have to fight all by myself." Which was true, but that may change within a few days. But I still was lonely for the time being.

"I'm sorry, Gee," he said, trying to comfort me. "Did you try becoming friends with that new kid? You know, you said he might like you, right?" His voice was filled with worry, I'm assuming because he might've thought that I was gonna forget about trying to have friends. But still, I answered truthfully.

"Kinda... Not really..."

He looked at me, then he kind of smiled. "Try, Gee. You need a friend besides me. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

He was right, but he was also wrong. Very wrong indeed. Trying to make friends was the worst thing I could do. I wasn't stupid. I didn't plan on dying just yet. The new kid could come up and ask me if I wanna be his friend, but that probably was not likely. I would probably end up rejecting him and then we'd hate each other like it was supposed to be. I wasn't meant to have friends for a reason. I was an outcast and I was fine with that. I understood my life was supposed to be miserable. I would be an idiot not to accept Mikey's advice, but I would be if I didn't avoid it. God, I don't know what to do!!!!!!

***

I went to school pretty early. I had nothing else to do besides wait for class again.

"H-hi, Lindsey..." I said, eyes locked right on Lindsey Ballato, probably the prettiest girl I'd ever seen in my entire life. Lindsey was always nice to me, despite her asshole boyfriend. She looked extremely cute today. Her hair was done nice, she had on nice clothes and she smelled like fucking roses.

"Hey, Gerard," she smiled as she turned to face me. Oh God, she's beautiful. "What's up?" She added. I tried not to blush or stutter or do anything that would embarrass me. I didn't need that at the moment.

"I-I..." I began. I was super fucking nervous beyond belief. I started to talk again, but then, of course...

Bert walked inside with his buddies... I panicked. "You what, Gerard?" She asked. I looked at Bert.

"I-I gotta go... Like, right now... Bye," I said nervously. She looked at me funny, then I guess realized Bert was at school. I saw Bert coming right over and I took off. I hid in the bathroom... In the stall, just sketching Batman. The bathroom stall was the one place I could hide. It was always locked and there was a small gap that I was skinny enough to fit through but I doubt anyone else could. Thank god for that. So I retreated there. I wasn't in the mood to fight, well, get beat up because Bert is a fucking maniac, I swear. But if I was, I'd totally kick Bert's ass, like seriously. Suddenly, I hear the door open and someone comes in. It was the principal, Jennifer Cholly. Cholly knocked on the stall door.

"Gerard? Is that you?" She asked. She took a step back and leaned up against the counter with the sink. She knocked again.

"Yeah..." I replied. I was not in the mood for her to talk to me again. I seriously didn't like this bitch and she was evil. Swear to God. She acted as though she cared but didn't really. She doesn't give a damn about me and it's okay. I know why. You know why? Because I suck and no one likes me.

"Why are you hiding in the stall again? Is it about Bert McCracken?" She pressed.

"Yes. Please go away." I was trying to be nice and not sarcastic but she was making it very hard for me not to blow up on her. I was just moody today.

"Gerard, you should make some friends."

Hello, lady! I've only been trying my whole fucking life! I've given up already! Deal with it! Geez! Do you not fucking understand?!?! Do you not see how much I try???? Well, actually I know that I don't try. But I will!!!! God!! Get off of my fucking case, bitch!!!

"Gerard?"

I don't wanna talk to her. She aggravates me. She hates me, I swear. I am not too fond of her either. But whatever. I don't care if nobody likes me. I was meant to be alone. But she doesn't understand me. She doesn't know anything about me. So, I remained quiet, of course.

She walked out the door without saying a word.

I wish I could just die.

But of course that can't happen, because if I were dead, they'd have nobody left to torture.

I heard Bert walk in with his friends. It wasn't hard to notice them, as they were talking so fucking loud it was ridiculous. But dammit, they found me. I suck at hiding. They caught me after all. I was scared out of my mind thinking of everything they'd do to me.

"Way," Bert called out. "I know you're in here. Come out and play."

He kicked open the stall door and smirked. HOW THE FUCK DID HE KNOW WHICH ONE I WAS IN?!?!?! Creepy!!!! And dammit, now if I live, I gotta fix this fucking lock. Fuck you, Bert, you asshole. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me out and pushed me against the wall. This was typical Bert. He always did this to me every chance he got, it seemed.

"Eventually, I'll grow bored, Way, and I will end you. But not today," he said. "Oh, no, not today. Today, we'll have some fun!" Oh dear god. Not in the mood. Why did I talk to Lindsey?! Could I have been any more stupid?!

He pushed me down onto the floor, hard. I temporarily blacked out. Bert told his friends to hold me down. His friends, John, Thomas and Steve, held me down like Bert told them to do. Bert punched me hard in the stomach. I tried to hide the fact that I was in pain, but he hit me hard and I grimaced. He then began kicking me. 

"You gonna cry, faggot?" He asked. There was an evil spark in his eyes. It was one of the most terrifying things I ever saw. Bert was a fucking evil, terrifying maniac. He scared the hell out of me everyday.

"Shut... Up..." I managed to choke out finally. "I-I'm n...not... A-a..."

"If you're not one, why do you wear makeup, bitch?" He pressed. He grabbed my hair and spat in my face. Then he let go of my hair. My head hit the floor.

"L-leave... Me... A-alone..." I wheezed. I felt close to losing consciousness and there was a throbbing in my head. But I couldn't pass out now. I'd die. That was for sure. Bert would make sure he beat me to death. But at this point, I really didn't care. I just wished I could've seen my angel again. Yes, that boy was definitely an angel, no, he's not actually mine. I just wish he was. Wait...

"You know, I probably don't have to worry since you are a fag, but stay the hell away from Lindsey. I'm warning you, Way."

"Fuck... You..." Ohhhhh fuuuuuuuuck! I am officially an idiot. Why the hell am I so stupid?????? Oh fuck me. I am officially dead now, too. Oh well, at least the world will forget about me easily because no one really knows me anyway. But yep, I guess I have a death wish... And now I am about to die at the hands of Bert McCracken. Yay me.

He started choking me with every bit of strength he had. I could feel myself slipping unconscious. He kept beating me harder and harder. I kept crying out and screaming in pain and yelling at them to stop. They all just laughed as Bert was close to strangling me until I was dead. Well, he was strangling me, and I was close to falling unconscious. He kept hitting me and his friends kept kicking me...

Until Lindsey walked in.

"Bert!" She yelled furiously. "Why are you doing this again?! Just leave him alone for once!" She was really pissed off. I looked up at her and smiled, for she was my only hope for living. She looked down at me, then back to Bert. 

"Stop it, now," she growled. She fucking growled at him. This is so fucking awesome. She's making Bert her bitch. Hells yeah!

And oh Lindsey, this is why I like you. You always help me out. Well, you try anyway. You're so nice to me.

"But Lyn... It's so fun to watch him squirm while I beat his little faggot ass," he pouted. Then he sighed. "Lyn, lighten up. It's just this fucking emo loser that no one cares about."

"Stop," she said. She was furious. But Bert just looked at me again. "He is not an emo loser, so just leave him the fuck alone, Bert. You don't want to get caught and expelled, do you? If not, I strongly recommend that you just stop right now. And stop calling him a faggot, damn it."

"Who's fucking side are you on, Lindsey? Mine or his?" Bert yelled. He slammed his hand into one of the stall doors. "Huh, bitch?! Who's side are you on?!"

"Yours, babe," she sighed. She looked down at the floor. She looked disgusted with herself. I wanted to hug her and tell her thank you and tell her I was okay, but I couldn't move. I was being held down. Even if I wasn't, I wouldn't dare try getting up.

Bert punched me in the stomach again. But this time, I threw up. Steve, John and Thomas let go of me immediately, grossed out. Lindsey looked at me with guilt, as if she was the one who hit me. Bert laughed.

"Remember, Way. I will end you eventually." He scowled, but then smirked at me. "Let's go, Lyn."

He and his friends walked out. Lindsey turned to look at me before she left me all alone. I could still see the stab of guilt in her eyes. Lindsey was very nice towards me all the time, but we seldom spoke because of Bert. I don't see what she sees in him, honestly. She let her eyes linger on me for a moment before turning her back towards me again.

"I'm sorry, Gerard."  
She left.

By the time I walked all the way home, my hands were numb. It was snowing. I didn't dare to face Lindsey on the bus, so I walked. I was so embarrassed because I vomited right in front of her. So I decided to avoid her.

My torso was so sore and bruised, as was my face. It hurt to walk. It hurt to breathe. I decided I was going to go to bed straightaway so my mom and stepfather didn't notice. I didn't want mom to do anything that would end up making Bert come after me. But as soon as I walked in, she walked right up to me.

"Gerard, are you depressed again?" She asked softly, stopping me. "What the fuck happened to your face, Gee?! What happened to you?!?!"

I shook my head in reply. How did she even come up with the depression thing? Is it THAT obvious? How'd she know?  
I attempted walking to my room again, but again, she stood dead in my tracks.

"Tell me what happened to your fucking face, and don't lie to me, Gerard, or else," she warned. "Principal Cholly told me you were depressed. Do we need to take you to the therapist again?" She inquired. She gave me that look of concern mixed with the look of sadness. She was worried. But one thing remained in my head that she said.

Fucking Cholly. I should've known. I swear, between her and Bert and pretty much everyone else I knew, I was ready to explode. Well, except for Mikey, Lindsey and the angel who's name I do not know yet. Everyone else should just... Ugh.

"No," I wheezed. "I'm fine." I tried to sound as convincing as possible. Nothing worked. Mom saw right through me as if I were made of fucking glass.

"Gerard Arthur Way! What's wrong with you? Tell me what happened, now!" She finally snapped.

"Nothing."

She gave me a stern look. "Gerard, tell me, please."

"Donna, he's fine," my stepfather interrupted. "He's just being a pansy. He only wants attention."

Fuck you, Tobias, I hate you.

I didn't like my stepfather, Tobias because he was an asshole. That's the only word to describe him, I think. He married my mom after my dad died. Mikey doesn't like Tobias either because he was abusive. Especially towards me, of course. He was always threatening me for no reason. Saying I only wanted attention and that's why I acted depressed.  
I wasn't suicidal though, well actually that's a lie but no, I never dared to try committing suicide yet. That would be unfair to Mikey. I couldn't leave him. That would be selfish.

I gave Tobias a dirty look before retreating to my bedroom and locking the door behind me.

"Gerard!" Mom called, but I ignored her. I wasn't in the mood.

A little while later, Mikey knocked on the door. I knew it was him from the way he knocked. When I unlocked it, I laid back down. Mikey came to sit next to me. He tapped my shoulder and rubbed my arm in a comforting manner. I looked up at him.

"Gee, are you okay?" He asked, his voice quavering. "Oh my god, what happened to your face?"

"Fight," I answered wheezily.

"I think you should go to the hospital, Gerard," he said very seriously. I don't think I've ever seen Mikey be so serious and so worried. He really did care about me a lot, and I knew that. Of course. We were close from the time we could even be close. Mikey was like my only friend. I knew he had other friends, like Pete Wentz. But Mikey and I were special. We were brothers. We obviously knew everything there was to know about the other. We could never be separated. Well, at least not for more than a week or so. Even then, we'd miss each other a lot. Like when he went on his school camping trip. I mean, I know he's fourteen and I'm seventeen but who cares? We liked a ton of the same things and we weren't but three years difference in age. We had a special brother bond.

"Gerard," he whispered as I had started to drift off, as his comforting rub on my arm was calming me. My eyes snapped open. "Gerard, you should go to the hospital. Please. I don't think you're okay. You certainly don't look like it."

"I-I'm fine, Mikey..." I lied. I wasn't even convincing myself. And I definitely knew I wasn't convincing him. He shot me the fiercest look I had ever seen. He smacked me in the arm.

"Ow..." I groaned. I rubbed my arm where he hit me. It hurt bad. I never knew someone as skinny as my brother could hit so fucking hard.

"Gerard fucking Way!" He yelled furiously. I was so not expecting him to say THAT. I stared at him astonished with my jaw probably through the floor.

"M-Mikey!" I exclaimed. I couldn't help but to giggle a little and I tried to hide the slight smile I had on my fucked up face.

"Well?!" He snapped, throwing his hands up in an aggravated manner. "I want you to understand that I am dead serious!"

"W-well, you saying... 'fucking' is... kinda a-awesome," I admitted. "But I-I'm okay. Seriously... It's all... Good."

"Oh right, because getting almost beaten to death is a good thing," he snapped again, words dripping with sarcasm.

"My middle... n-name is... 'Arthur', in case... you forgot," I said jokingly, trying to change the subject. It really was not helping me whatsoever. He gave me a dirty look, then looked away.

"Shut up," he snapped again. I could tell he was just upset that I didn't wanna go to the hospital. But I still couldn't help myself but to laugh. He shook his head, then let out a frustrated sigh before turning his back towards me. "I wish you'd just listen to me, Gee."

We sat in silence after he said that for about five minutes. I just dozed off when Mikey shook me hard and my eyes snapped open. 

"Gerard, you need to go to the fucking hospital!" He yelled. Really? I thought we've been through this, I'm fine. I raised an eyebrow. He was dead fucking serious. I shrugged.

"I-I already... Told you, M-Mikes... I'm okay," I choked out, ignoring the fact that he cursed again. He raised an eyebrow skeptically. I closed my eyes to try to sleep and he smacked me.

"Gerard, no! You can't sleep right now! You stopped breathing! You need to go, now!" He yelled and tried to drag me off the bed. "Let's go! If you don't want mom to know, I'll call Pete's mom and she will meet us outside, okay? Otherwise, you better tell her to take you to the hospital or I will!"

"B-but Tobias..."

"Screw Tobias."

"I-I can't go... I'll just take... Some of Tobias'... P-pills and I'll... Be okay... I... I promise. B-but you need... To sneak me... Some."

Mikey sighed and nodded. He only took about five minutes and brought me back a bunch.

"I wasn't sure how many," he said, gesturing to the pills he had set down beside me. He sat down and looked over me a few times, then looked away.

"T-this is f... fine," I replied. I took some in my hand and put them in my mouth and swallowed them dry. I screwed up my face at the feeling of them hitting the back of my throat and also at the taste. I rolled over on my other side, facing the wall. Mikey put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed lightly.

"I hope you know I'm not leaving." His eyes were locked on mine, as if that was a promise. A silent promise to never leave my side as long as I hurt.

"I-I know."

* * *

The weekend passed quickly. I stayed in my room all weekend. I only opened the door for Mikey and only ate when mom and Tobias were gone.

When I was walking to school this morning, I was hoping Lindsey totally forgot I threw up the other day. I was already too embarrassed because she almost saw me get beat up by her stupid boyfriend again. I hadn't seen Lindsey since then. She was apparently sick with the flu. So part of me hoped (as bad or mean as this sounds) she was still very ill and at home so I could delay seeing her for a bit longer. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't mind seeing Lindsey. No, of course not. I love her. But I still was embarrassed. I mean, she was my friend when Bert didn't want her to be.

When I got there, I saw Lindsey and immediately went straight over to apologize. I know I had nothing to be sorry for, but I felt like I did. I felt like I got her in trouble. When she saw me, she wiped a tear away. I looked at her in concern. Did Bert do something? If he did, I swear to god I will end him. Well, I would at least die trying.

When I approached Lindsey, she looked away from me. I began speaking immediately.

"Lindsey, I'm so sorry for everything that happened last time I saw you. I--"

"Gerard, stop. Please. Don't embarrass yourself, okay? Look, I can't be your friend anymore," she cut me off. Wait, why???? What???

"W-what? Did I do something wrong? What did I do?" I started to cry a little. I blinked away the tears before they could fully form. Why was she acting this way? Why was she doing this to me? I looked away from her. I saw the new kid standing close by; he looked concerned. But why? I'll ask later.

"Y-you... Gerard, please, listen. I can't be your friend. Just go away and leave me alone. This is hard, but I never wanna see you again. I-I hate you. Goodbye, Gerard," she said softly, blinking away tears of her own. But, I don't know why was she doing this. What did I do? I can't lose her. No, no, no... I can't. Never. She can't hate me, can she? She's lying.

"No you don't..."

She spat in my face. "Is that enough proof for you?!" She snapped. She slapped me across my face and I just blinked stupidly. What the hell is going on??

I found myself running away to the bathroom. Maybe I was hallucinating. Ever since Bert slammed my head onto the table and I had to have stitches last year, I've been seeing weird things and blacking out and hallucinating. One time, I hallucinated Mikey falling and when I asked him if he was okay, he gave no response. I blinked a few times, and he wasn't actually there. So, maybe this was one of those times and maybe Lindsey was a hallucination and maybe that's why the new kid looked at me with concern. I hoped she wasn't ending our friendship. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle her hating me. That couldn't be true, could it?

I wasn't hallucinating. I looked out again and Lindsey was crying. And now I was, too. I crawled under my stall and sat there. I found my old razorblade and knew this was the last straw. Between everything, and then Lindsey, the love of my life, says she hates me and never wants to see me again, and the depression on top of that, I was done. I sobbed for a minute before silently saying goodbye to Mikey. I knew he'd hate me for this. I could only hope he would understand. But I knew how selfish this was and how angry Mikey would be, but I decided to do it anyway.

I started to cut into my wrists, trying not to cut too deep, as if part of me was changing my mind about taking my own life. But then I heard the door open and I jerked, causing me to accidentally cut very deep. I quietly sobbed and I knew it wouldn't be too long before I bled out and died. I just wondered who was coming in here. Probably Brendon or Cholly or... Someone. Anyone except for who barged in.

My angel.

"Gerard?" He called out. I felt a sweep of joy overcome me for a moment. But then I realized that I was in the middle of committing suicide. I tried to remain as quiet as possible, but I kept sniffling. I gave myself away. He already knew I was here anyway. So what was the point of trying? "Are you okay?"

I just started sobbing.

"Can I come in?" He asked. I heard worry in his voice. Why was he worrying about me? We hardly knew each other. I was surprised he knew my name, since I totally forgot his. Which reminded me to ask. 

"W-what's your name again?" I whimpered, trying hard not to keep crying. I was a failure at stopping myself from crying today. It just wouldn't work. I began biting my lip. I started to feel lightheaded. Oh crap, I forgot.

"Frank," he replied. "Can I come in now? Please?" He was begging. Why was he being so nice to me? I didn't deserve it. I was such a horrible person that even Lindsey hated me now. I didn't even know Lindsey was capable of hating, because she's so kind. But, back to Frank. Frank... What a nice name. I'm glad I know now. I'm glad I found out before I died.

"I-I don't think you wanna do that," I responded. I'm sure he didn't. I had written stuff on the walls that was very depressing to read. Plus, the last thing this angel needed was to see someone die. Especially someone he hardly knew but was worried about. And well, now I had to ask: "Why are you being so nice to me, Frank?"

"Because. You seemed real upset with that girl. Was she your girlfriend?"

I laughed. "I wish. Nobody loves me. I'm just a stupid coward that hides from the world because I don't deserve to live."

"Yes, you do!" He said angrily and he stomped his foot. He stomped his foot, like a five-year-old kid who's mom told them they couldn't have candy. "No one deserves to die! Not even you! Look, now I know I don't know you too well, but you seem nice. And you're not stupid. And any girl would be lucky to have you. They just don't see that yet. They don't see that you're a good person. I could see it when I first saw you. You have good in you. And you don't deserve to die. Will you please let me in?"

I was stunned. That was an amazing speech. It made me lose control and I started bawling my eyes out. I never knew anyone who thought that well of me. Pretty much, no one's ever said that to me. Mikey might have. But nobody else made me feel like that. For once, I felt... Happy. For the first time in awhile, I felt happy. The real kind of happy.

He crawled underneath the stall. He stood up and brushed himself off. Then he looked down at me. Mostly my wrists are what caught his attention. He gasped and covered his mouth. When I realized what he was staring at, I freaked out a little. I looked down.

"Gerard... What did you do?" He asked quickly, grabbing my wrists. He looked at me and I felt ashamed. I was so fucking selfish! I was about to abandon my little brother and leave him all alone to fend for himself with mom and Tobias. How stupid am I really?! I'm so very selfish. I'll never forgive myself for this.

"I-I... I didn't mean to cut this deep," I whimpered. I truly forgotten all about my suicide attempt. I dropped the bloody razorblade and it fell to the floor. Frank looked at me with an anger burning in his eyes and I instantly got scared. Now he definitely would hate me. I mean, this was my first attempt, so I was doing good until now. But now, I felt really lonely. Even though I wasn't alone, I felt like I would be shortly. Then Frank did what I never expected.

He took off his shirt and wrapped it around my wrists. And my god, he was so beautiful. He had tattoos, yet he was only fifteen. This was strange, but I didn't question it. I couldn't stop staring at his body. He was just too attractive. I lost all my words. Stop it, Gerard. Not gay, remember? Remember???? Don't look. Look away. Oh, but I can't help it. He's too pretty. Oh god, my straight self is gonna fucking kill my brain for thinking I was gay and looking at him. Fucking fuck me.

"Hey, my eyes are up here, honey."

I blushed so hard, my face must've looked like a fucking fire truck. I looked away and he laughed at me. I was so embarrassed. But he was beautiful. Man, maybe I really was gay. I shouldn't feel so attracted to him. But then what the fuck is up with me liking Lindsey?!?! I have no fucking clue but I know that any chance of me and Lindsey being together was over now. She hates me.

"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled. I looked up at his torso again and I couldn't help but to smile at him. I looked into his eyes. God, they were beautiful too. They were hazel, kind of like mine, but only they were... Perfect.

He smiled back at me. "Don't be sorry, I was only fucking with you. I don't mind if you look. I just wanted to make you smile," he admitted, still putting pressure on my wrists. His smile was like, the cutest thing ever. I swear. Okay, I'm probably definitely gay, with the love of my life being a girl, though. He looked at me with those piercing hazel eyes of his. He looked into my eyes this time. "We should get you to the nurse." I nodded.

"I'm sorry we had to meet this way."

***

I got some stitches at the nurse's office and Frank and I talked and spent the rest of the day together. I enjoyed speaking with him, actually. He's not so bad. He doesn't hate me. For once, likes me in this damned place. Now, counting Mikey and not counting Lindsey, since she says she hates me now, I think I have two friends. Okay. It's a start.

Frank had also asked me to come over and meet his friends sometime. Their names being Ray and Bob. He said they were cool and were into music. Frank played guitar. So that's why his hands are pretty then, huh?

When I got home, I told Mikey all about Frank. Mikey seemed pleased that I made a friend. I told him how Frank wanted me to go over and meet his friends, Ray Toro and Bob Bryar. He beamed at the thought of me being happy. I guess for once he felt like he didn't have to worry so much about me. I swear, if Mikey didn't look out for me and worry about me and make sure I don't do anything stupid like try to commit suicide, well, again, I probably would've been dead a long time ago. I felt like I couldn't leave Mikey. Like he needed me. And I need him. We look out for each other.

"So you say his name is Frank Iero?" He inquired. He raised an eyebrow as I lightly blushed barely enough to really notice. "Weird name."

"Yeah, it is weird," I agreed. Oh, but also beautiful, because it belongs to an angel. Yes, Frank is an angel. My angel. But, then again, he's not mine. He's just a pretty angel that gives me hope to keep living. I think I'm gay now. Wait, no. Yes. No. I don't fucking know. But Frank is really an angel now. He saved my life and I owe him. I feel connected to him now for some reason.

"I'm glad you have a friend, Gerard," he said sincerely. He just looked so happy for me. I guess he hadn't looked this happy in forever. Since before dad died and before I started getting depressed.

"Well, I wouldn't say he's my friend yet. We just met." That was a lie, I knew better. Frank was like an instant best friend for me. I was happy about that. Like, I don't know how to say it. Like, he became my friend the minute he said I didn't deserve to die.

"Okay, Gee," he sighed. I knew he wasn't convinced because he kept smiling.

"He's pretty cool though. Only a year older than you. You two would probably get along well. Maybe Pete would like him, too."

"I'm not sure. Speaking of Pete, I gotta call him and tell him mom said, yes I could come over to spend the night."

"Oh. Okay."

"Hey Gee?" Mikey said, starting to blush.

"What are you up to now, Mikester?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him, which only made him blush harder.

"Who said I was up to anything?" He asked defensively.

"Geez, calm down. I was playing. Now, since you got all defensive, what the hell are you up to?"

Mikey gulped and began blushing even harder, like he was embarrassed of asking me whatever the hell it was he was thinking.

"Tell me, or I'll take your glasses," I threatened, trying to sound serious. I couldn't help but smile.

"I-is there, you know, any pretty girls at your school that, um, would consider going on a date with, uh, you know, me...?" He finally spilled out.

"Um, I think there's... Hayley Williams, Amy Lee, Alicia Simmons, uh... Fuck, I don't know. The only girl I really notice is Lindsey Ballato, Bert's girlfriend," I replied. "But she hates me now..."

"Oh, okay," he said. He looked away, disappointed, I assume. "Sorry she hates you, by the way."

I shrugged it off. "I'm sure I can see if there's anyone else."

"Mmkay."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not paying more attention to the girls in my school, I guess."

"It's cool. No big deal." He smiled. I could see a small feeling of disappointment on his face. I smiled back. Mikey deserved someone who was gonna treat him right. Unlike his exes. One broke up with him because her best friend said that she was uncool for going out with a "nerd". One cheated on him with Mikey's old bully, who got expelled. The last one broke up with him because he was "too busy" to call her everyday. A lot of girls are mean and careless. But not Lindsey. She is so nice and she cares even though she knows Bert gets mad at her for sticking up for me. I don't know about it now though.

Mikey got up off my bed. "I'm gonna go see if dinner's almost ready," he said, walking towards the door.

"Mmkay," I replied. "Sorry I couldn't help."

"You're fine," he smiled. "It's actually not important."

"Okay..." I said, unconvinced.

"Later, you should tell me about this Alicia girl."

I nodded. Then he walked out.

I picked up the phone to call Frank and ask him when he wanted me at his house specifically. I knew it was sometime after school next week or so. But I didn't know the exact time. I dialed Frank's number and waited for him to pick up.

-


	2. I'm not okay

I walked up to Frank's house and knocked on the door. Two weeks had went by so quickly.

A tall man I assumed was his dad answered the door. "Frank!" The man yelled. "I am assuming this is another one of your friends at the door, so get your ass down here!"

His dad looked abusive. Just by looking at him I could tell.

"Coming!" Frank yelled back. His father studied me. I felt uncomfortable with him staring at me like this. I coughed awkwardly.

"Frank!" He yelled again. "Now! Before I--"

Frank came downstairs. "Oh, hello, Gerard," he smiled. Frank's dad walked away angrily. "Don't mind him. He's just an asshole." I know what that's like, buddy.

I followed Frank upstairs into his room. When I entered, the three guys also in the room stared at me.

"Gerard, these are my friends, Ray and Bob," Frank said. I eyed each of them. The one, Ray, had an afro. His hair was really that curly. He looked really nice. The other one, Bob, on the other hand, looked like he could kill someone just by looking at them. He looked creepy. But then again, I should look at myself.

"Hello," Ray smiled. I smiled back. He seemed very friendly and I knew we'd get along immediately. He had the most kind smile. I could see us being very good friends.

"Hey," Bob said, only looking away from his phone long enough to take a quick look at me. Thank god. If he stared, I might just shoot myself in fear that he would beat me to it.

"Oh, and this is BJ," Frank said, standing next to a taller boy. "He doesn't go to school with us. Or school in general. He's nineteen."

Why the hell is Frank hanging around a nineteen-year-old punk? That's weird. I don't think I like BJ much. He's got arms full of tattoos, but that's not a bad thing. He has short black spiky hair, also not too bad. He also wore a ton of eyeliner. Like, A TON. He also smoked way more cigarettes than me and he drank alcohol a lot. I'm assuming he got Frank into alcohol and all the bad shit because Frank was drunk and obviously stoned.

"Hello," I said politely to everyone. I suddenly didn't wanna be here. I felt a wave of nausea cross my stomach, and I felt like I needed to throw up.

"Gerard is here to have some fun, because I am pretty sure he's never had fun before," Frank announced. Now, I really wanted to go home, but I also was curious of what he was talking about, so I just argued my case anyway.

"Yes, I have!" I argued. I sat down and crossed my legs. I looked at Frank.

"Sure. But not like this, I assume."

"Like what?"

After Frank's parents left for work (they both had the night shift), we got drunk. I never had gotten drunk but once before, and never did it again and I don't know why! It felt awesome! We smoked some cigarettes, goofed off and talked about music and bands and shit. I ended up not going home until 2AM. I walked all the way home and I was freezing. I snuck in my room by climbing through the window. On my bed, Mikey was waiting up for me.

"Gerard!" He exclaimed. He ran to me and hugged me tight. "You're so cold, Gee." He was right. He felt so warm compared to me. But, after all, it was September. And September in New Jersey was freezing.

"Ohh... H-hey Mikey," I slurred, staggering over to my bed to sit. I felt very dizzy and needed to sit for a moment. Mikey walked over to me and sat down beside me. After one look, he looked towards the window again.

He frowned. "You're drunk."

"Y-yeah, a little..." I admitted. I couldn't hide the strong alcohol on my breath. There was no point in lying to Mikey Way. He always knew when I would lie. I wonder how he does that?

"I don't like it when you're drunk. Where were you?" He nagged like a worried sick mom.

"Don't worry 'bout it, mmkay?"

"Gerard..."

"Get some sleep, Mikester."

Mikey sighed, then silently left the room.

* * *

Boy, I sure did regret getting drunk. Now I know why I stopped doing it.  
I woke up with a hangover. Why the hell did I let Frank talk me into doing that? It also doesn't help that I had to get up extra early while mom was asleep so she wouldn't know that I had gotten drunk and had a hangover. She'd chew me out if she knew. Luckily, she was working from 6:00PM to 4:00AM, so she didn't know how late it was when I came home.

I almost froze to death walking to school. It was 35 degrees here in New Jersey. I hated taking the bus. I avoided it at all times. Luckily, my house isn't far from my school.

My lips were blue when I got inside. I was actually late because I had to stop twice. The first time, because I got nauseous, the second time, because I had to stop to retie my shoes. When I got to school finally, Cholly walked straight over to me in the quick second she noticed I was even at school.

"You're late, Gerard," she scolded. She began walking away, and I tried my best to follow. We finally made it to her office. She didn't even bother to look at me. She just went through some paperwork and I made myself comfortable in one of the chairs. I figured I should speak first, now that we were in her office.

"I'm sorry," I said weakly. I never was late. I was always too early. Never late, never on time. So, this was a first. I knew she was just pissed off over the suicide attempt incident. I could tell. I could always tell. She looked over me a few times.

"Gerard Way, you're hungover, aren't you?" She asked. It wasn't really a question though. She like, stated it. Like she was there when I got drunk. But she kept looking at me with those cold, empty eyes of hers.

Fuck. 

"Gerard, tell me. Do not lie. Are you hungover?" She pressed. She was giving me that agitated look she always gives me. That look annoys the crap out of me. Worse then Brendon ever has. And bitch, like I would answer your question truthfully.

"No," I lied. I tried to remain eye contact, so she didn't get suspicious.

"Gerard," she sighed. "I'm not in the mood today. Just tell me."

This is why I dislike her.

"I'm not lying," I lied, still keeping eye contact. I am a pretty good liar, even though I don't lie that often. But everything went to hell from there. Suddenly, I felt a strong wave of nausea cross my stomach. I was about to vomit. I covered my mouth and ran towards the bathroom.

"Gerard!" She yelled. She followed me casually into the bathroom where I was busy throwing my guts up into the toilet. She obviously knew I was lying now, even if she was too stupid to see that before. I was throwing up, which sucks pretty bad, and now I was gonna get in trouble. Fuck my life.

"Why were you drinking? You're underage," she pressed again. Will you ever shut the fuck up, Cholly?

I continued vomiting for about 3 minutes. By the time I was done, she was about to walk out.

"I'm going to let your parents know, Gerard," she said. She was writing something down but I couldn't see what.

"No, no, no, no, no! Y-you can't!" I exclaimed, blocking her path. How could she do that? She really is a bitch. She's more of a bitch than I make her out to be. That's pretty bad.

"Why were you drinking?" She asked again.

I fucking despise her. She's a witch. I know she says stuff just to get me to tell her things I don't wanna talk about. She threatens me. I hate it.

"I made some friends... They wanted to drink. So I did," I admitted. That was the truth, actually. No lies were needed. Awesome.

"Well, at least you made some friends, Way."

Then she walked out.

Okay, I'm scared. I can't trust her. And if she rats me out, I'm fucked.

***

I decided on going to Frank's house again. I just didn't need any of Tobias' bullshit today. I knew Mikey would be pissed because of last night, but surely I would make it up to him somehow. He would get over it eventually.

I knocked on Frank's door. I was expecting his asshole of a dad when a woman, I'm assuming his mom, came to the door. She smiled at me. Why? I dunno, and maybe I never will. 

"Is Frank home?" I asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence. His mom didn't look intimidating. She actually looked very sweet.

"Frankie!" She called. Frankie? Oh fuck, that's insanely cute, considering the fact that Frank is insanely cute as well. "There's someone here to see you!"

Frank came running down the stairs. "Hey," he smiled at me. Oh my fucking god, Frank just smiled at me. His smiled is so cute! I know I sound like a teenage girl being all dreamy over a crush or something, but Frank is really cute. Not that I have a crush or anything. I'm not gay. Why is he so hot? God. Wait, I just, I'm not gay. Shut up, Gerard, you're not gay. Just keep your cool. Ignore all his cuteness and you'll be fine. Act like how you act with Lindsey: calm, shy, sweet... Oh fuck, no. Don't do that. Don't treat him like a crush! Because he isn't! I couldn't reply. I probably look like a dumbass.

"Frankie, who's this?" His mother asked, politely smiling at me. I smiled back, even though I look like an antisocial, sad, depressed, suicidal emo mess. She probably thinks I'm creepy. I know it. I know things. I can always tell. I guess she probably thinks I'm just a weird little freak.

"Gerard," he replied. He glanced my way. I met his gaze and blushed furiously at myself. It was only a little bit of a blush. A slight pink color, nothing TOO obvious. His mother smiled at me politely.

"Well then, hello, Gerard," she said. She kept looking me over a few times before inviting me inside. I walked inside and stood there awkwardly. "Can I get you anything, honey?"

I shook my head and then Frank invited me up to his bedroom to hang out. We somehow ended up getting on the subject of death.

"I believe that death comes for you in the form of your fondest memory," I said. Frank nodded and then we sat in silence after that. I ended up breaking the silence. "Oh yeah, speaking of death, by the way, I'm sorry again, for the way we met, Frank. I was just being an idiot over Lindsey. I hope you forgive me."

He pulled me into a hug. And for some strange reason, I got turned on. I knew it was only a friendly gesture and that he wasn't into me, or at least I hope he isn't, anyway, but I guess his body pressed against mine was arousing. Anyway, I instantly reciprocated and he hugged me tighter. I don't know if this was his way of saying, 'I forgive you', or what, but it felt nice. I really felt safe in his arms. I felt good.

"I forgive you. And I'm so glad that you're my friend. You're one of my best. And if everything went different, we might not have became friends as easily. But promise me you'll never, ever, do that again," he said softly, meeting my gaze. "Promise me, Gerard."

"I promise," I sighed out. I smiled and then he hugged me again. He made me feel warm and tingly inside. I never wanted this sensation to end.

***

Over the past couple of weeks, Ray and I were becoming good friends. I learned that we have a lot in common. He told me as well, that Frank's birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks.

"But what to get him?" I said to myself, trying to think clearly. What would Frank like? Hmm...

"Well, BJ is taking him out to the movies," Ray said coolly. He picked up his phone and started texting. When he was done, he smiled big. "You could get him a signed 'Misfits' CD! Frank would love that!"

"But I don't have a whole lot of money," I stated. I sighed, before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. Frank got me hooked on these cancer sticks. I've been hiding them from everyone except Ray, Bob, BJ and Frank. But that night I got drunk I also got hooked on cigarettes. But part of me didn't mind. I hated myself already so I didn't care about my lungs too much.

Ray frowned. He kept opening his mouth as if he was going to speak and then closing it as if what he was going to say was a bad idea. He did it for about five minutes straight. Then he shrugged. I sighed. What am I going to do now? I have nothing to get for him. I guess I'll figure it out eventually.

***

Did I ever mention how much I fucking hate Bert McCracken? Well, I do. He just fucking slammed me into a wall. I am about to snap on his ass for this. I drew a fist back to punch Bert, but someone came up behind me and pushed me to the floor. Bert then straddled my hips and pinned me down. Like always, I fought. I struggled and struggled and was trying to squirm as much as possible. No luck. I ended up doing what I always do. Tensing up before quickly falling limp under him. I was pretty much letting him do whatever the fuck we wanted to me. I hated being pinned down and straddled. So I gave up. I surrendered. I submitted. Like always.

Bert kept hitting me and I just laid there, doing nothing but yelping and groaning and grimacing. It was fairly easy for him to do whatever. I just closed my eyes tight. Eventually, he was pulled off of me and sent to the principal. Someone helped me up. When I saw his face, I was a little surprised.

"Patrick? Patrick Stump?" I said, blinking a few times to made sure he was still there. Patrick went to Mikey's school. So why was he here? I was really confused as fuck. Patrick was cool with me. He was just Mikey's friend though, not mine.

"Yes, it is I, Patrick Stump. Hello, Gerard Way," Patrick replied, smiling. He brushed me off then stood back and looked over me. "Your face is gonna bruise bad." Thanks for pointing that out, Patrick, as if it wasn't obvious.

"You're like, what? 5 ft something? 5 ft 4? 5? I'm pointing out the obvious, too, now. What are you doing here?" I asked curiously. He just stood there silent for a moment. He looked down, as if ashamed. "What?" I pressed.

"I got expelled," he said awkwardly. He looked up at me, then blushed. "You wanna know why, don't you?" I nodded. What could it possibly be? What is he embarrassed about? He remained silent for a moment, then he looked away from me. He sighed. "Well, I got caught having sex with a girl that goes to this school, but they didn't know she went here. Then I got expelled." Patrick blushed furiously at himself.

"Who the fuck was it?" I pressed. Who the fuck could it even be? Like, not trying to be an asshole, but who would be like that with Patrick? I don't get it. He's really weird. And short as hell. But okay.

"Hayley Williams," he replied, blushing harder than before. "You know her? I mean, you should. And fuck, I really like her. She likes me, too. Now I can be here with her, but the reason is embarrassing. She just showed up that day to tell me she liked me and then she kissed me. We went into the bathroom and a teacher came looking for us."

I nodded slowly. They're perfect for each other. They both are weird as fuck, so yeah. I couldn't imagine Patrick and Hayley together, though. I mean, I really couldn't. Whatever.

"Pete fucking cheered me on, man," he laughed. He brushed the hair out of his face. "I can't even imagine what people think of me now. They probably think that I'm an idiot for doing it at school, which I am, but maybe I'll be a legend to that school since it never happened before." Patrick leaned up against the lockers. He looked up at me.

"Well, I don't know what to say to you, Patrick, but hopefully you are a legend now," I said as politely as I could. I mean, Patrick's a great guy, but he's weird. But yeah, I'd hang out with him. "Why don't you go talk to Hayley? Let her know you're here."

"Okay. I will. Nice seeing you, Gerard." And with that, he walked away.

I made my way to the cafeteria, finally. I sat down at my usual table without grabbing anything to eat. Everyone kept string at me and pointing and I didn't know why. I pulled out my phone to look at my reflection. I was fucking bleeding, out of my nose and mouth and I had bruises on my face. I looked like I just got ran over. Fucking hell.

Frank walked over to sit with me.. He gasped when he saw me. "Gerard? Are you okay? What happened?" He asked quickly. He got up and instantly started wiping the blood off my face with his napkin. "Was it Bert again? Fucking hell. It was, wasn't it? I'm going to fuck him up. I swear to god--"

"I'm okay now," I interrupted. I looked up at him and smiled. He looks cute when he is pissed off. Wait, shut up, Gerard. He still looked mad, but then he smiled back at me. He sat down the opposite side of where I was sitting.

"So," he began. He looked at me and smiled again. "Guess what?" He added excitedly. He was just gushing.

"What?" I asked, trying to think of what it was. I literally had no fucking idea. I just kept thinking he was going to say that he had a girlfriend and then I could stop fucking obsessing or whatever the fuck I was doing. He's just so perfect, and I owe him my entire life. He saved me, and I owe him everything.

"Ray and Bob AND BJ are getting transferred here!" He exclaimed. He smiled the widest grin ever. "Isn't that great? It's just so fucking awesome. Like, Ray is the only one who's been my friend for like, ever. Bob's cool. Creepy, but cool. He likes me and Ray. We get along fine. And BJ... Oh god, I miss him. Of course I miss him. He's my fucking boyfriend and..."

I stopped listening. Boyfriend???? Frank is gay??? What??? Oh my god... Why did he fucking choose BJ to be his boyfriend?? God... Oh my fucking god. BJ? Really? I can't believe Frank is gay. How could I not see--

"Gerard?" Frank's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. He looked at me funny. "You alright?"

"You're gay?" I asked, hoping I heard him wrong. He can't be gay. He just can't. I hope he's not into me, because oh god... I would really give into him if he asked me out or something. Please, god, please don't be gay. I'm not a homophobe, I just don't want to be gay. I will not allow myself. No matter how much I am attracted to Frank and no matter how cute he is. But then he proved me right. I did hear him right.

"Yeah," he blushed. He bit his lip and looked down at the table. He was so embarrassed. I didn't wanna make it worse. I smiled at him and outstretched my arm across the table to reach his face. I tipped his chin up to look at his face.

"It doesn't matter to me, Frank. I'm not homophobic. As long as you're happy, I am," I half-lied. Everything I said was true except the fact that I was happy. I wasn't. I hated myself with a passion. Fucking hell, I tried to commit suicide just weeks ago. That's all I really need to say. I hated myself so much, that I couldn't allow myself to be happy. Maybe I was for a few seconds here and there, but I'd just go back to nothing.

"Really?" He asked, beaming. His head popped up. He smiled and blushed so deep a red, that he looked like he got really bad sunburn. He was fucking scarlet or something. But him blushing made me blush. I took his hand and looked him in the eyes.

"Yes, Frank. Your happiness is very important to me," I said, blushing a deeper red color than before. I smiled and looked down at the table. When I realized I was holding his hand, it made me blush ten times worse. I quickly let go of it and pushed my hair behind my ear with the hand I was holding his with. Kinda like an excuse of why I had to let go.

"You know, you're a really amazing friend, Gee."

"Thanks. Same goes for you."

"You're a beautiful person, you know that? You have the sweetest things to say and you're a sweetheart."

I just laughed. I couldn't stop myself. I just can't believe he kinda called me 'sweet'. I'm such an asshole towards people and he just called me 'sweetheart'. Wow. Part of me feels flattered, actually.

"What? What's so funny?" He asked. He looked at me funny when I continued laughing. I waved it away. He shrugged and went back to eating his lunch. "Hey, why aren't you eating?"

"Oh, I'm not hungry," I lied. I really WAS hungry, but like I said, I hate myself so I don't care. Death would be better than getting punched in the face by Bert again. Damn. That shit hurts. He's like the man with the iron fists. Swear to god. No lie.

"Okay," he sighed, unconvinced. He looked away from me and never made eye contact with me for the rest of the day. I'm fine with that. I didn't want to look him in the eyes. I couldn't. I just felt that I might've broke down if I had. I couldn't breakdown in front of Frank again. It was enough that I was having a breakdown when we met. I couldn't do it again. I wouldn't allow myself to.

When I walked in the door, no one was home except Mikey (thank god!). I didn't want to deal with mom on my face today. Or Tobias in general either. I walked into Mikey's room, not knocking like usual. I wish I hadn't. Mikey blushed hard and jumped away from the girl he was making out with.

"U-uh... Gerard, I-I..." He stuttered. He kept blushing harder as I stood there, mouth agape. He looked down at the girl. She had bright red hair and she was dressed like a punk: Converse shoes, skinny jeans and a band tee. "I'm sorry, Phoebe."

"It's fine," the girl -Phoebe- replied. She waved to me and smiled. "I'm Phoebe. And you must be the famous Gerard that Mikey here always talks about." I blushed. He really does talk about me to his friends? He better say half decent things about me then.

"He's not talkin' smack about me, is he?" I inquired, smirking like hell. I couldn't help but to hear her giggle. I turned to Mikey. "You better not be, bro, or else I might just have to tell Phoebe here about your special love for unicorns..."

"I'm not talking smack about you, Gee," he said with all the sincerity the could muster. "You should know that. And I don't--"

"Don't lie. You do love your unicorns, Michael. I'm sure Phoebe likes unicorns," I interrupted. I looked at Phoebe. She quickly nodded and then giggled. "See? No need to be ashamed, Mikes. And I'm sure you must talk some smack about me..." I laughed.

"Well, I don't. I don't have a reason to," he replied, shaking his head. He looked at Phoebe and the looked at me again. "You're a really great brother. And by the way, what the hell happened today?"

I sighed. "Well, I got punched by Bert today, also slammed into a wall, then I ran into Stumpy. Did you know he goes to my school now?" I asked raising an eyebrow. He shook his head. "Surely you know why he was expelled though, right? He WAS going to the school you are going to. He told me why. It's kinda badass."

"Yes, I know. Phoebe knows. Pete knows. Everyone knows. It is kind of badass. It sucks at the same time, though. Anything else new?"

"I found out that Frank is gay."

His jaw dropped. "Your friend, Frank? Iero? He's gay? Well, I never met him, but I suspected this. From the way you described him, he sounds gay. It also sounds like you have a crush--"

"I do not!" I snapped, blushing like hell. I, of course, was lying. I DID have a small, teeny tiny crush on him. VERY teeny tiny. Like, pea size. About half a pea size. I don't know. Phoebe and Mikey giggled at my red face.

"Your face is telling me that your lying. And if you mention my love for unicorns or threaten me like that again, I will not hesitate to find Frank and tell him so," Mikey smirked smugly. I wanted to slap that smirk right off his fucking face. I shot him a dirty, 'I fucking wish you would jump off a cliff, you asshole' look, then walked out of his room. I was not about to let him tell Frank anything. I would rather surely die.

Mikey walked out and chased after me, still smirking like hell.

"I will fucking kill you if you don't keep your damn mouth closed," I snapped. I shot him a death glare. I pulled out my sketch book and began drawing. I looked up at Mikey to find him still smirking. "What do you want from me, Michael?"

"Stop Lego-stepping, Gerard. I won't say a damn word to Frank if you don't to Phoebe," he said smugly. He turned to walk out the door. I laughed and he stopped to look at me.

"I just realized that you have no idea what Frank even looks like," I smirked. I was satisfied that I probably won this battle. But that all changed when he smirked back. "What?"

"I don't need to know, Gerard. I know his name. I can just go up to your school and fucking ask for Frank Iero."

"Dammit," I mumbled. I sighed out, then looked at Mikey. "Just please don't say anything, okay? He has a boyfriend and I'm not in the mood to get punched or made fun of."

"Fine, I won't. Just don't say anything embarrassing about me to Phoebe. Or to anyone, for that matter."

"I won't. I swear to god."

"Good. Hey, by the way, Pete's coming to fucking sleepover tonight."

"Alright. And stop cursing."

"Not gonna fucking happen."

The rest of the night passed quickly. I dreamt about Frank. All the talk about me having a crush on him made me dream about him. When I woke up, I crawled out of bed to get ready for school. I grabbed some clothes to grab a quick shower. I was just washing my hair when someone barged in. I assumed it was Mikey, so I just rinsed my hair out and started to put conditioner in, but then I dropped it when the person talked.

"Sorry, Gerard, I just need to privately talk to you."

It was Pete fucking Wentz.

My jaw dropped. But I realized he couldn't see me, and I let out a sigh of relief. "What about?" I inquired. If it's private, it's probably about Mikey because if it wasn't, he could just ask him and save me the trouble of being embarrassed.

"It's about Mikey," he sighed. See I told you? I looked out at him and he didn't notice, but he was blushing like hell. Oh my god, he looked like a motherfucking cherry. I quickly went back to conditioning my hair. What could this be about?

"Okay," I said, waiting for him to speak. He just sat there, silent. I was growing very impatient. "Look, spit it out, Pete. It's almost time for me to get out and I don't like being naked in front of anyone. Just tell me what the fuck is going on."

"I-I..." He paused, then gulped. "I really might be in love with him."

Holy shit. Oh my god. Oh fuck. Dear lord. Sacré bleu. Oh God. Holy crap. Every word that could express what I was feeling ran through my head. My jaw dropped. I stopped what I was doing and just stood there. I was fucking shocked as hell. Oh my God, Pete Wentz is gay and loves my brother. "Umm..." I finally spoke. "You DO know that he has a girlfriend, right?" That's all I could think of to ask.

"Yeah, I know... And she's really cool, too. Just please, Gerard, please don't say anything to Mikey about this," he begged. "I never planned on telling anyone, but I needed to get it off my chest. I love Mikey more than anything else on this planet and I don't want him to know. He'd laugh. Now that he's fifteen and has a girlfriend, he's happy. I want him to stay that way. He's straight, too, so that would make things awkward between us and I don't want that. I want him to just stay the way he is: cute, funny, fucking adorable in those glasses... I want him to continue liking me. I don't want awkwardness and I don't want Phoebe to feel threatened or anything. So please, please don't tell him."

"I won't," I replied eventually. I turned off the water and just stood there. I was not about to get dressed in front of Pete, especially now that I know that he's gay. God, that would be awkward. I don't want him checking me out or something creepy like Pete would do. "I don't have the right to tell him. That's your right to want to keep it a secret, not mine. I promise I won't say anything."

"Thanks, Gerard. You're awesome. Thanks for listening. I'll let you get dressed now," he said. He walked out of the bathroom and I stepped out of the shower. I recollected my thoughts and got dressed. This is an awful secret to have to keep, but I will for Pete. I need all the friends I can get.

I walked to school. It was cold out again, and my lips were blue when I got there. I was early again, as usual. When I walked through the doors, I was a little startled to see Frank and BJ making out up against the lockers. Of course, they were on mine. I have to admit I was a little jealous. No one else was around. Not unusual. I walked over and cleared my throat. 

"You're on my locker," I said nonchalantly, trying not to look. BJ backed away from Frank, who was pushed up against my locker. Frank blushed a bright red color and then moved away from my locker. "I see you've been transferred already."

"Yeah... Sorry, by the way," BJ laughed. Frank giggled and wrapped his arms around BJ. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever," I sighed. I collected my books from my locker and started walking to math class. I was pretty jealous, if I must admit, and I didn't want to seem that way. I was trying to act like I didn't care, even if I did. Suddenly, getting punched by Bert seemed fifteen times better than watching my friend kiss someone else, because yes, I did have a crush on my angel. No one besides Mikey would ever know about it though. Frank took ahold of my arm and stopped me. I shivered under his touch, then looked at him.

"Hey, you okay? You seem upset about something and you never even said 'hi' to me," he stated in concern. I waved it away and tried to free myself from his grip, but he tightened his grip on my arm. "What's wrong? You acted like I didn't exist. And your lips are blue. Are you cold? Gerard, talk to me." I sighed. I looked away from him, but he kept trying to make me look at him. I finally looked him in the eyes, then looked away again.

"What did I do?" He inquired. He gave me a perplexed look. "Tell me if I did something. I'll try to fix it, okay? Please, Gee. Talk to me."

I shook my head. "You did nothing," I half lied. He made me jealous, that's what he did. I also was still upset with myself for the suicide thing and because I let myself like Frank. I wasn't supposed to do that. "I just have a lot going on right now... My brother, Mikey, his friend, Pete just told me a really fucked up secret that I have to keep. Maybe I'll tell you one day. Maybe." I tried to play it off. It appeared that it worked, I guess.

"Oh, okay," he sighed. "So why didn't you talk to me? I was standing right there." I shrugged. I broke free and began walking away again. He just stood there, watching me leave. I didn't look back. I couldn't. If I did, I'd tell him what's really going on with me and then he'd tell me to stop hating myself and I can't. I just can't do that.

When I walked into the classroom, I saw Ray. I hadn't seen him in a little couple of days, so I walked right over to him.

"Hey, Ray!" I exclaimed, hugging him. I smiled as big as I could. He smiled back just as big. Ray was the nicest person you'd probably meet. He was easygoing, funny and fun to be around. "I was actually going to look for you around lunch. What's up?"

He pulled the ear bud out of his ear. I heard 'Buddy Holly' by Weezer blasting through the tiny speakers. He turned off his iPod and smiled at me again.

"Oh nothing much. You? And it's good to see you, Gee," he replied. I shrugged and then sat down in the desk next to him. I nonchalantly lit up a cigarette and took a drag off of it. "You're gonna get caught, you know. Just saying."

"Yeah, I'm sure I will eventually," I said casually. "And nothing much is going on with me, either. My brother's friend, Pete told me a fucked up secret involving my brother and I can't tell anyone. Well, I could tell you, but I don't think you'd care."

"Fire away."

"Well, Pete came in the bathroom while I was showering and told me that he's gay and in love with my brother. It was really awkward, Ray."

Ray just sat there laughing. He kept laughing and laughing. "Wow," he finally said. "It's not funny. But the fact that he came into the bathroom whilst you were naked and showering and then he told you he was gay is hilarious."

I laughed, then took another drag off my cigarette. Then I heard footsteps approaching. "Shit!" I whispered. I didn't need to get caught smoking on school property. I didn't need to get caught smoking in general. I don't wanna go to prison or something! "Ray! I don't wanna go to prison! Do you know what happens to a guy like me in prison? What do you think happens to a guy, to a fucking cupcake like me in prison? Tell you right now; get fucked long and hard all night long and it's gonna sound like this..." I started making weird noises and Ray laughed. He laughed hard. "It's true! I've never been fucked and I don't think I really want to. Especially by a thug in prison."

I heard the footsteps coming closer. I panicked and put out the cigarette on my arm and shoved it in my pocket. Then I saw that Frank and BJ were walking in. Aw shit! I panicked for fucking nothing! Now I have a cigarette burn on my arm that hurts like a motherfucker! Ray just continued to laugh at me. I scowled. I just shook my head.

"What's so funny?" Frank asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling. They walked a little closer. "What? We wanna know now! Tell us! No one else will know!" Ray just laughed harder. I shot everyone a dirty look. When Ray stopped laughing for a minute, he started talking.

"Shit, Gee, tell Frank and BJ what you just told me," he said, chuckling like a little bitch. "Or I will, actually. Gerard here was smoking and heard you guys coming and..." He continued to tell the rest of the embarrassing motherfucking story. I scowled as hell just listening to how stupid I sounded. When Ray finished, they just laughed and laughed and Ray laughed all over again.

"Wait, you mean to tell me you've never had sex?" BJ asked, finally calming down. That's what he got out of that? Not that I just fucking burned my arm? This little bitch... "Like, ever? So you're a virgin? You don't look like a virgin. I can see why you're pissed off all the time. Shit. I can't remember my days as a virgin."

I lightly blushed. Barely anything noticeable. I shook my head. BJ laughed again and then whispered something to Frank. Frank laughed and nodded. He walked over to me and leaned down close enough to whisper in my ear. I blushed deeper.

"So, I hear no one's taken proper care of you, honey," he whispered, smirking like a motherfucker. His breath was warm on my ear and neck. I started to get aroused. He tangled his fingers in my hair and pulled so my head was tilted up. He leaned in closer to my ear. "How 'bout I'll take you somewhere private and fuck you harder than you ever imagined all night long? How does that sound, honey?"

What the fuck is he doing? He must be fucking kidding me. I blushed fire truck red and BJ snickered like hell. I knew this was a joke. But why would Frank do this? It's fucked up. It's like he's teasing me, yet making me uncomfortable. I pulled away from him and got up. I ran to the bathroom, crawled underneath my cubical door and sat there. I felt nauseous. I was probably seconds away from throwing up, when someone came in.

"Gerard?" Frank called out worriedly. I remained silent. I saw him walk up to my cubical and stand there. "Hey, Gerard, I know you're in there. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay, I promise," I answered, groaning. That was really wrong of him to do. Even if I hate myself. Even if it was a joke. I felt like throwing up. "Why would you do that to me? I'm not comfortable with any kind of sex type thing. I thought you knew." It's true. I'm not comfortable with anything involving or relating to sex. I don't know why.

"Fuck," he said frustratedly, faceplaming himself. His banged his head on the door, then walked away. "Damn it, I'm so sorry. It was only a joke to make you get embarrassed even more and blush harder because your gay friend was 'coming onto you'. I didn't know. Honest. Please forgive me."

I crawled out quietly. I walked up and hugged him from behind. He turned around to face me and I pulled him tighter into my chest.

"It's okay, Frank," I whispered, gently pulling away to meet his gaze. "I'm okay. You didn't know. I forgive you, okay?" He nodded and I hugged him again. I hate lying to him. I'm not o-fucking-kay, trust me. I have fucking problems, and I will admit that.

"Okay, Gee," he sighed. He smiled at me and grabbed my hand. "C'mon, we'll be late. Let's get to class."

***

As I was walking home, like always, I heard someone creep up behind me. I knew who it was. I smelled the watermelons. I turned around and found no other than Brendon Urie standing behind me.

"What, Brendon?" I sighed. I really wasn't in the mood for his crap, but decided on not being an asshole. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you?" He asked nervously. "I really just need to ask..."

"What?" I inquired. I was now very curious. Brendon doesn't ask me anything really. Maybe he realized how annoying he is and changed.

"Why don't you like me? Why are you so mean towards me?" He questioned. I stood there, mouth agape. Wow, he's asking me a good question that I can't answer. I don't really hate Brendon, I hate John, his brother.

"I don't know," I replied honestly. I really don't know why I hated Brendon. I just stood there and Brendon started to speak. He told me that his brother abuses him, and a bunch of other shit that made me super fucking mad at John. Brendon is actually a nice guy. I can't believe I was treating him like crap. I hate myself ten times more now.

Apparently, Brendon is in love with a boy named Ryan and Ryan goes to Mikey's school. He met Ryan through Patrick, and fell in love instantly. So I was right. Brendon is gay. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think I like Brendon now that I understand him and why he acts the way he does.

"Hey, Bden, why don't you come hang out with us?" I said nonchalantly. "Mikey's there, Pete, Mikey's girlfriend, Phoebe, Patrick, Hayley, Ray and Bob. C'mon. It'll be fun. Invite Ryan." Frank was out with BJ again, and so they couldn't be there.

He nodded. And off we went to my house, Brendon texting away to his crush, and me thinking about Frank.

-


	3. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, none of these chapters are edited. They're the originals.

I wish I wouldn't have came home. I was supposed to, but I wish I hadn't. Two words: total chaos.

When I stepped inside with Brendon, fucking Phoebe was screaming at Mikey and beating him. She was pissed. Oh god, what happened? Pete must've said something about liking Mikey or something. God, I could only imagine.

But when I looked around, no one else was there. Strange. I could've sworn that I invited at least Ray and Bob. But nope. No one except Phoebe and Mikey. And that wasn't pretty.

Brendon's jaw dropped. Mine did, too. "What the hell is going on?" I shouted. I broke the two apart and Brendon held Phoebe's arms so she couldn't hit anyone. I helped Mikey up. "What happened, bro?"

"Oh, Mikey here just told me that he's gay," Phoebe snarled. I shook my head at her, mostly in disbelief. "Don't believe me, huh? Ask your fucking brother, Gerard. Mikey, tell Gerard who you like way more than me!"

I looked at Mikey and tilted my head. "You're gay?" I questioned. I kept looking at him, hoping Phoebe was lying. I mean, it doesn't matter to me, but I just wish he wasn't. "You can tell me, Mikey. I'll believe whatever you say. Just be honest, mmkay? I won't be mad. Promise."

Mikey gulped. He looked me in the eyes and nodded. I sighed. Now, I just have to tell Pete that he's gay and Pete can make a move or something and then I won't have to be burdened with this damn secret anymore. Yay! I hate keeping other people's secrets. It's all drama and just really annoying.

"Who is it that you like, Mikes?" I had the nerve to ask. It was risky, because Pete might hate me for yapping about his secrets if Mikey says it's Pete and I tell Mikey that Pete likes him. I can't help it. I need to get things off my chest. "And where the fuck did everyone go? I thought--"

"They came," he interrupted. He shuffled his feet before looking up at me. "They left when Phoebe and I started arguing over whether or not you're gay. Phoebe said no, and I said yes. I most definetly said yes. 'Cause well, you are."

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. "You were talking about me possibly being gay?!" I screeched. I think I went all banshee on him or something. "How could you?! That's really personal, and I'm not--"

"It's not a possibility, Gerard," Mikey interrupted again. "You most definitely are gay. No arguments are to be made about the fact. I can see it, Gerard. You love Frank very much and I can see it in your eyes every time you talk about him."

I blushed. I was so stunned by the fact that Mikey could even tell. What if Frank could? What if he could see it, too? What if he liked me like I like him? Where would we end up? God, I was way over thinking things. I just needed to go before it got worse. I turned around to leave when I heard Mikey start to talk.

"I like Pete."

I spun around, wide-eyed. I stood there, staring at him, mouth agape. Holy fuck, I was right. I told you I knew things. I do know things.

"And I wanna tell him," Mikey admitted. He blushed before walking to the door. He placed his hand on the doorknob and turned. "And I'm going to."

***  
Mikey's P.O.V.

I really was eager to tell Pete just how much I cared for him. I didn't know how he felt about me, but I knew how I felt about him. I loved him with all my heart. I have since shortly we met one summer. Actually, that wasn't The Summer of Love. It was The Summer of Like. I liked him and that's when we became friends. The best of friends. But it all ended that Autumn, when Pete's family went back home. Pete didn't live here at the time. He actually moved back two summers ago. That's when I fell in love with him.

I anxiously walked to Pete's house. I knew I was either about to screw up my life entirely, or make it ten times better. I know if I told Pete how I feel, and he didn't like me back, I'd be devastated and things would get... well, awkward. We'd probably stop being friends. But if I hold it all in, I will destroy myself. I would never tell him. I knew this was a now or never situation. Even if Pete did like me, I'd still get called a fag if our relationship was ever announced to the school or something. But, I'd take anything that was thrown at me for Pete's love. Absolutely anything.

Before I knew it, I was at Pete's front door. I felt like I was battling myself over whether or not to tell him. I mean, I was already here now. This is what I came for. I found myself knocking desperately.

"Hey, sweet little dude!" Pete exclaimed, answering the door. He pulled me into a hug, which I reciprocated, of course. And of course, I was blushing, too. "I am so sorry I wasn't able to make your party thing. Is that why you're here?"

"No," I answered truthfully, shaking my head. "That's not why. Petey, I need to talk to you. Are you alone? Or is your mom home...?"

"I'm alone," he confirmed. He smiled at me before inviting me inside. I took a seat, and I was chatting with him. "No one else besides you and me. Which I'm kind of glad for, actually. What's up, Mikeyway?"

"Remember when we met again?" I asked softly.

"Yes, I do. It was The Fourth of July... You and I were... You and I were fire- Fire... Fireworks. And that was the day that I..." Pete trailed off. The day that you what? Tell me!!

"Pete," I whispered. I was taking a risk. This was a leap of faith, but I decided to say it. I took Pete by the hands and looked him in the eyes. "I- I... Um... I--"

"That was the day that I realized that I was in love with you," Pete interrupted. Holy shit. Pete is in love with me? Really? I...

"I love you," I thought aloud. And before I knew it, Pete's lips were on mine. And we were kissing. We were kissing like nothing else mattered in the world.

***  
Gerard's P.O.V.

I still had to figure out what to get for Frank for his birthday in a few weeks. I went out everywhere looking for something he would like, but I found nothing. It made me so upset that I couldn't find anything, but luckily, I still had a few weeks left before I needed to get something.

When Mikey came home the day before yesterday, he looked so happy. He told me that he and Pete kissed. I congratulated him. He was so brave to talk to Pete about his feelings. Unlike me. I couldn't even think about what I felt for Frank without blushing. And I was actually somewhat happy for awhile; just hanging out with Frank and Brendon, talking about love with Mikey, and not getting hit by Bert everyday. Part of me still wonders what happened with Lindsey. But as long as I had Frank, I had potential happiness.

But all my potential happiness faded away when I received a phone call.

My grandma died.

My grandma taught me art. She taught me music. She loved me with all her heart and now she's gone. Tobias didn't like her, so we weren't ever allowed to see her. And part of me felt like dying. Because my grandma was special and she's gone now. She even taught me how to sing. I don't sing in front of anyone, but I can sing.

The funeral was yesterday. When I arrived, I was wearing all black, except I had a red tie. Like my grandma requested, I was going to sing. I was really nervous, but I got over it for her. I got up there and I sang a song I had written about her.

Long ago, just like the hearse you die to get in again

We are so far from you

Burning on, just like the match you strike to incinerate

The lives of everyone you know

And what's the worst you take

From every heart you break?

And like the blade you stain

Well, I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say? 

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Came a time when every star falls

Brought you to tears again

We are the very hurt you sold

And what's the worst you take

From every heart you break?

And like the blade you stain

Well, I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

And if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?

Are you near me?

Can we pretend to leave and then

We'll meet again

When both our cars collide

What's the worst that I can say?

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight

And if you carry on this way

Things are better if I stay

So long and goodnight

So long and goodnight.

So long and goodnight is what my grandma wanted on her grave. I called the song 'Helena' because my grandma's name was Elena and everyone called her Helen. 

So now, I was sitting here all alone. The funeral crushed me and I didn't have to go to school today.

When Frank got out of school, he came over to check on me. I knew he was worried, so that means Mikey must've told Pete about the funeral, who probably told Patrick and then Patrick, being Frank's friend, too, must've told him.

"Patrick told me your grandma died," he admitted softly. He looked into my sad eyes and wiped away tears I didn't even know were falling out of my eyes. He hugged me tight. "I'm so sorry, Gerard. But don't worry. You'll see her again. Goodbyes aren't forever, trust me, okay? Whether you say, 'goodbye', 'farewell', or 'so long'. You'll meet again. I promise."

His word were comforting and so was his hug. I let myself sob into his shoulder. We just sat like that for awhile. He laid on the couch with me on my side, in between his legs, my head resting on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was so comfortable. We both ended up falling asleep.

***  
Two days passed and I went to school finally. Frank had told me that he became friends with Jimmy Urine, who was Lindsey's friend as well. I need to find him and ask him what's wrong with Lindsey. When I walked in, I was hugged immediately. I looked at who was hugging me.

It was Lindsey Ballato.

"Let's talk," she whispered. She lead me to the bathroom where we could talk in private.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. She looked up at me. There were tears forming in her eyes. "I was being a total bitch. But Bert told me to stop being friends with you or else he'd kill you. So I had no choice."

I nodded. We talked a bit more before I walked out of the bathroom.

I saw Bert pinning Frank against the wall. I instantly became extremely pissed off. I wished I would've walked away but no. Frank was my angel and I couldn't leave him like that. I'd fucking hate myself. I lunged at Bert with extreme force and punched him in the face.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, Gerard, you fucked with the wrong person.

Lindsey tried to stop me, but I wouldn't let her. John pulled my hair until he got me off of Bert. Steve grabbed my arms and then Bert walked up to me. He looked so fucking evil with the way he smiled. It was creepy. It sent chills down my spine. Jimmy, Brendon, Ryan and Patrick just stared. Then they ran in the direction of Cholly's office.

Brendon... He is cool with me. I don't hate him now. Him and Ryan are very happy and I am happy for him. I just hate what his brother does to him. That's why he hides his relationship. He has no choice but to obey John and I fucking hate that.

Patrick Stump was cool too. He's another one of Mikey's friends. But then he was expelled and transferred so yeah. He kept asking about Mikey and came to see him a lot. He's Brendon's friend, too. Patrick and Hayley are doing good as well.

Jimmy Urine... Jimmy was cool as well. Him and Lindsey are close. He was close with Steve, but then Bert got into his head and then Jimmy distanced himself from Steve. But they still talk every now and then from what I hear. I knew him a little.

Ryan Ross... I don't know what to say about him. I don't really know him all that well. But I do know that he's good to Brendon. And he's cool in my eyes. Brendon deserves a good guy like Ryan, and he got him. And why he was here at our school was still very unclear to me.

"Get out of here," I yelled to Frank. He shook his head.

"No! I'm not leaving you, Gee!" He argued immediately. I understood that he wanted to help, but he wasn't gonna be much help at all.

"Go!" I yelled and he ran off in the direction the other had. I was kind of glad he didn't have to see me die this way. I couldn't live with myself if Bert hurt him. But now he wasn't gonna. He was gonna hurt me and I was most definitely going to die.

Bert laughed. "Oh, is that your boyfriend now?" He mocked. I rolled my eyes. Bert is really an idiot. He doesn't know anything other than picking on people for being or looking gay. Actually, he just did that to almost everyone of us that he didn't like. There was a lot of kids he liked here. I was not one of them.

"I'm not gay." That's a lie. I'm totally gay. I'll deny it, but honestly, I'm so fucking gay. Yet, I still got a thing for Lindsey.

"Sure you aren't, faggot. You just wear makeup for no reason then? You're okay with looking like a faggot? If you're are, get used to being picked on by girls, Way. You're not a real fucking man. You're not even a boy, are you? Is that why you wear makeup, Way? You wanna be a fucking girl? That is, if you're not one already."

"Fuck you," I spat in his face. Bad idea.

Bert punched me in the face several times. My nose started to bleed and my vision went blurry. As I started to lose consciousness, I heard loud footsteps approaching.

"Bert McCracken! John Urie! Steve Righ!"

They let go of me and I fell to my knees. I looked up and saw Frank with Cholly. I was never so happy to see her. I spat out some blood and felt a wave of nausea cross my stomach.

"Boys! My office, now!" She yelled. They ran to her office, and she looked at me with her eyes full of concern. "Are you okay, Gerard?"

I nodded weakly and stood up. I almost fell over, but Frank grabbed my arm and helped me stand for a moment. He handed me a napkin to stop the bleeding. I pressed it to my face and god, it fucking hurt so bad, tears almost were about to start freely falling from my blackened eyes.

All of the kids starting piling in. And Lindsey ran straight over from where she was watching by the bathroom. Mr. Williams came over, too when he showed up with the other students.

"Is he okay?" Lindsey asked worriedly. Frank shot her a dirty look, but I smiled and nodded.

"I must talk with Bert tonight," she whispered softly. "I'm sorry, Gerard. I really am."

When class was over, I went straight to lunch and sat by myself. Everyone was chatting away while I thought about how I was going to explain this to my mother. I was in so much pain and I didn't know what I would tell her.

***

Mom was pissed off. I could tell by the way she looked. Luckily, she didn't yell because I had brought Frank home for the first time and she was trying to remain calm because this was the first time in forever that I brought a friend home.

As soon as I stepped in the door, the first thing she said was, "My god, Gerard, what the fuck happened to you?!" Frank looked guilty when she said that, but didn't say a word. 

I introduced Frank to Mikey and Mikey didn't seem too enthused at first, but then they were joking around with each other. Eventually, Mikey went to his own room with Pete. I can only fathom what they're doing in there. Frank and I were talking about comic books and music for hours. Eventually, Frank's mom called and demanded he got home straightaway so he could eat. He tried convincing her that we were gonna let him eat with us if he wanted, but she told him no and that his father was coming to get him. When he showed up, Frank sighed and gave me a hug.

"Bye," he groaned disappointedly. He looked up at me and half smiled. "I will see you in school tomorrow, right? Promise me."

"I promise," I laughed. He hugged me again, and it felt like he didn't wanna let go. I sure didn't.

"Alright, bye again."

"Bye," I replied. "You can come back soon, okay?"

"Mmkay," he nodded. I watched as he walked out the door, more disappointed than I think I've ever seen him. I just wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him he could live with me or whatever.

Then he left.

I felt Tobias slam me up against the wall. I looked at him with a raging fury in my eyes as mom tried to get him to let me go. He pushed her down without taking his eyes off of me. What was he so fucking angry about? Oh yeah, it's Tobias, duh. He's ALWAYS mad. Then he yelled at me with every bit of anger he had.

"Are you fucking gay, you bitch?!"

I flinched. "N-no," I lied. I was terrified of him. He's a homophobic asshole and he's not afraid to let the world know.

"Well, you better not be, bitch!" He yelled. "If I EVER find out you are a faggot, I will make you leave this house and you will never come back. Do you understand me, bitch?!"

I nodded quickly. "Tobias, stop!" mom shouted. She looked at me with apologetic guilty eyes. I looked away.

"No, Donna, he will be gone if he is a fucking fag!"

"Just because he has a friend that's a boy, doesn't mean he's homosexual!" 

"Men shouldn't hug other men outside the family, Donna! If you do, you're a faggot!"

"How stupid. Your family was stupid for teaching you that," she sniffed, talking calmly this time. This wasn't gonna end well, and I knew it all too well.

"What?!" He went to take a swing at her but I grabbed him by the arm.

"Let go, faggot!" He yelled, then pushed me into the wall. "Get the fuck out of my house, now!" He slapped me hard. He punched me in the nose and I struggled to stay standing. My nose was pouring out blood.

"Tobias!!" Mom screamed. I just stood there. I looked behind Mom and there was Mikey and Pete. Mikey was crying and Pete was trying to calm him. I wanted to run over to him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay, but I couldn't. Not now.

"No! He needs to be taught respect!"

And with that, he practically tossed me outside and locked the door. I could still hear them shouting and then the sound of someone being slapped. Then the sound of my mom softly crying. I wish I could've helped her, but I was too weak and the door was locked. I at least wished I could've gotten Mikey out of there. He didn't need this shit. I didn't even have a phone to call the cops on Tobias' ass. I felt helpless.

It was so fucking cold...

I waited outside the door for awhile, waiting for them to calm down before I started walking to Frank's house. When I got there, I began throwing rocks at Frank's window till he looked out and saw me. He opened the window quietly.

"Gerard? What are you doing here?" He whispered. He looked down at me with worry. "I just left you. Are you okay? God, your face! What happened?!"

"Tobias and I got into it and he threw me out," I explained. I touched my bloody nose and winced. I grabbed my shirt and pulled it to my face to stop the bleeding. I shivered when the wind blew, because it was October and I had only a thin T-shirt on.

"Shit. You can come on in. It's cold out there. Climb the tree." He instructed. I climbed up and into Frank's room. He laid down and looked up at me.

"I was actually about to go to bed," he admitted. "I mean... Look, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable by saying this, but you can lay with me and go to sleep here for the night, if you want." 

My heart almost skipped a beat when he said that. I cared a lot about Frank... And I had a crush on him. I can't lie. I nodded and laid down next to him. He shut off the lamp and we laid in darkness. Frank made me calm down and then suddenly, I felt myself drifting off into a peaceful sleep. Frank rested his hand on my hip and I jerked awake. My heart was pounding so hard that I couldn't think straight. After a couple of minutes, he turned over and his hand came off of my hip. Then I started to calm down. Eventually, I fell asleep.

I stayed asleep the entire night. Something about Frank made me comfortable. His calmness and him being beside me made me have the most peaceful sleep. I hadn't slept peacefully in about four years. It felt good.

Frank's cell phone rang and my eyes snapped open. He answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Frank?"

"Oh hey, Lindsey." My heart skipped a beat when I heard her name. "What's up?"

"Frank, is Gerard there with you? He won't pick up the phone and I've been calling him for awhile now."

"Actually, yes. He is. Would you like to speak to him?"

Me? She wants to talk to me?? Oh god...

"If you don't mind," she giggled.

"Here, Gee. It's for you," he sighed. He held out the phone to me. My heart started pounding out of my chest. I took the phone from Frank and began to answer but then I paused.

"Go on," Frank encouraged me. He's so fucking nice to me and I love- I LIKE him. God, and BJ isn't right for him. BJ is a douchebag. A big one.

"H-hello?" I said nervously. What might she want to talk to me about? A million thoughts ran through my head. God, I was so nervous.

"Gerard, I need to ask you something."

"Hi, Lyn... You can ask me anything."

"Well," she sighed, "I broke up with Bert last night."

"I'm sorry," I lied, trying not to sound happy.

"I'm not. He was a jerk. He deserved it. Especially after everything he did you and Frank and... me."

"Oh...yeah. He did. So you wanted to ask me something...?"

"Yeah... I wanted to know if you wanted to go out on a date with me tonight."

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god.

"Yeah... Sure... Why not?"

"Cool... Bye, Gerard."

"Bye," I said all dreamily. And she hung up.

I stared off into space with a stupid look on my face. Frank notice and laughed at me. I turned to look at him, still smiling. "What?" He giggled. "What did she want, lover boy?"

"She broke up with Bert and wanted to know if I would be interested in going on a date with her tonight," I beamed. Lindsey fucking Ballato asks ME, Gerard Way, out of a million kids, on a date. I felt like the luckiest motherfucker on the damn planet.

"Oh..." He mumbled. He looked away from me. I touched his arm, not understanding what was possibly going through his head.

"What's wrong?" I pressed. I was determined to know why he looked upset. Was he jealous...?

"Nothing, Gee," he smiled. I remain unconvinced. Very, VERY unconvinced. You can't fool me, Frank Iero, my angel.

***

Frank and his mom took me out so I could buy something to wear since I couldn't go home to get something yet. Frank's mom styled my hair and everything. I looked like a gentleman. Frank made sure he got pictures to give to my mom because this was my first date. I never even kissed anyone before. Never had sex. So it was a big deal to make sure she got the pictures so she didn't get mad. Linda, Frank's mom, would make sure she got them. They were friends.

I was really nervous. I texted Mikey and told him about mine and Lindsey's conversation. He replied with, 

'Oh my god, you're okay?! I've been so worried. Mom has been too. When are you coming home? Mom talked to Tobias and he said you could come back. Please come home, Gee. And that's awesome about you and Lyn. What do you think will happen?'

'I'm not sure... I'm really nervous. And I may or may not stay here another night, Mikester. I'm still mad at that asshole. And yes, I'm okay. :) Tell mom not to worry, 'kay? Don't tell her about the date though. Not yet. And you don't have to worry either. I'm fine. I slept really good last night. But I promise I will be home tomorrow for sure, 'kay?' I replied.

'I guess... Just please come home soon. I miss you already.'

'I will. Promise. I miss you too. Love you.'

'Love you, Gee. Don't forget, Pete and I wanna know the details ASAP.'

'LOL, okay.'

' :) '

I had a half an hour before I had to leave to meet Lindsey. I couldn't believe this was happening. I swear, I must've been dreaming. Frank acted funny all day, though. I asked him what was wrong and he said 'nothing' every time and smiled. This went on for most of the day.

I didn't know what to do after I met with Lindsey. I wanted to make a move on her and hopefully then she'd become my girlfriend. But the only problem was, I was an inexperienced kisser. Never done it before. Well, family doesn't count. I didn't know if anyone could help me that I trusted. And... Frank seemed to be the only option. I mean, we were friends, best friends, and I could trust him with my life, but... This would be awkward. But I was so fucking desperate. I decided to ask him anyway, since he had experience... Well, with guys, anyway.

"Frank," I sighed, sitting down on his bed beside him. "I-I need to ask an embarrassing favor." I was really, really scared that he would say no, but I was also terrified that he'd say yes. I really liked Frank, and I respected that he had a boyfriend, but I really needed his help more than ever. Even if it means that I decide for sure that Frank is the only one that I want.

"What?" He asked softly. He was so beautiful. And I really just wanted to kiss him so bad. But if I did, he'd be mad for sure. "Go ahead, ask."

I sighed. I could've just tried to figure it out on my own, but I didn't want Lindsey to laugh at me for being inexperienced. I definitely decided I should go ahead and ask him.

"W-would you... Um... Would you be okay with...uh, could you show me how to... Um... How to make a move on Lindsey? L-like... how to kiss her?" I asked, blushing from embarrassment. I looked away, in fear for both answers he could provide. I didn't want him to say yes or no. I didn't know what I wanted.

"Oh," he blushed. He looked at me with those beautiful hazel eyes of his. "Oh, sure. Of course. I'm your friend after all, and I owe you for saving me."

"Oh, okay..." I said nervously. I gulped. Now it was just the kiss I feared. If I liked it, then... Oh god... I'd be screwed. If I didn't, then there's always a Lindsey Ballato that wants me to date her.

"Come closer and face me directly," he instructed. I did as he told me and moved closer to him and faced him. "Now, let's pretend I'm you, and you're Lindsey. When the moment is right, you take ahold of her hands. Like this..."

He slowly grasped my hands. He stared at my hands for a minute. "Wow, your hands are really soft..." He whispered softly, blushing again.

He kept gently rubbing my hands. I'm assuming he lost his train of thought because after a minute, he looked up at me. "Anyway," he continued. "Then you just... I don't know... Passionately gaze into her eyes and then..."

We both were just staring deeply into each other's eyes. Neither one of us wanted to look away. I realized at this moment, that I was actually very in love with Frank Iero. It wasn't just a crush. I was IN LOVE with Frankie. This moment was so perfect and it made me realize that I had strong feelings for him. I never knew it because maybe, even though I'm gay, maybe I didn't want to admit to the fact that I was in love with a boy. Actually, an angel. I thought I was in love with Lindsey. I was. But this moment made me feel like I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I didn't know if I wanted Lindsey or Frank. But I knew I wanted Frank.

"Then you..." Frank began again. He leaned in slowly and before I knew it, our lips were pressing against each other's. He was kissing me. And oh god, Frank's lips are so soft.

He gently pulled away, blushing. I was blushing too. "...and then maybe she'll keep kissing you back and..." He trailed off. I realized the reason he stopped talking was because I was cupping the back of his neck and pulling him in to kiss me again. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, but I was overcome by a strong desire for Frank and it felt like what I needed - or rather, wanted - to do.

Our lips met again and I felt all tingly inside. Frank kissed me back harder and I opened my mouth, letting him know it was okay. He did the same and he slid his tongue in my mouth, and was using it to play with mine. Then he reached up and grabbed a handful of my long black hair and it felt like he kept trying to pull me closer and closer, pushing our mouths together harder and harder. He then used his free hand to touch my crotch. I shivered and pulled away slightly. He pulled his hand away.

"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled, blushing harder than before. "I forgot... I'm so sorry." He started to pull away from me, but I pulled him back.

"It's okay, I want you to," I whispered lustfully. I took his hand and placed it back where it was. "Now, kiss me."

And before he could say 'no', I kissed him hard. He reciprocated immediately and placed his free hand back in my hair, tangling his fingers in it and gently tugging. I moaned and he pulled away from my lips and started kissing my neck. After a minute or so, he started sucking on my neck and gently rubbing me.

"Oh, Frankie," I moaned. "Oh god, this feels... amazing... Oh my god... Fuck..."

He stopped just long enough to talk. "Oh yeah?" He purred. And I'm sure he was smirking like hell that he just made me moan. He went back to sucking on my neck. He sucked for about a minute and then kissed the part of my where he sucked. I laid one of my hands on his thigh, then he kissed my lips again. I just started sliding my hand up to touch him like he touched me when his mom started walking in.

"Gerard, are you almost ready to--"

Frank and I pulled away from each other. She gasped when she immediately realized what we were just doing. We blushed from embarrassment. Oh my god, we're so dead.

"I-i-it's not what it looks like," Frank stuttered, embarrassed. "We were just... I..."

"You're gay, aren't you, Frankie?" She asked softly, but shocked, already knowing the answer. She looked at him. She made eye contact and knew right away what he was gonna say. I know that she knew. It was plastered all over her face. I knew it. I know things.

"I-I was going to tell you..." He said ashamedly. His eyes trailed to the floor. I guessed he didn't know what else to say. I didn't blame him. I was equally embarrassed. But I'm glad it was his mom and not his dad. That would be awful. We both would already be dead. So I am grateful as well.

"When?" She pressed. "When you got caught? Like just now? Your father will not be happy about this... Is Gerard the first one?" She looked so upset over the fact that her son was gay. It made me sick. Why can't people accept that some people are gay? They are still themselves. So, what's the big fucking deal?

"No," he admitted. "BJ is my boyfriend." He sighed and dropped his head. I looked at him. He looked so ashamed of himself and embarrassed and he looked so self-loathing. I couldn't get over how upset he looked. Was he embarrassed of me? Or was it because he was cheating on BJ?

He was cheating on BJ.  
With me.

"Oh, Frankie... You're cheating?" She groaned. "It's alright with me, that you're gay, I mean, but your father is a different story. And... Were you planning on, y'know... having sex with Gerard?"

Oh my fucking god. Did she really just ask that?!?! Whoa, okay, umm... Wow. Now I'm curious. Because I'm sure sex with Frankie would be amazing. But then again, I have no idea what sex is like. The idea of sex scared me. And now I wanna know what he was planning to do after we kissed. And BJ... What was he planning to do to me while he's with BJ? Um, okay. Now I definitely wanna know. Was he going to... Was he going to try to have sex with me? Does that mean...? Dammit, I need to stop over thinking all of this and listen.

I looked at Frank and blushed. "Mom!" He shouted. He was blushing hard, too. Oh my god. What does that mean? He pushed her outside the room and stepped out, but I could still hear. "That's private, okay?!? Geez!!! What if I was?! What would you say to that, huh?!" He was now pissed at his mom for making him even more embarrassed. I buried my face in my hands. I was so embarrassed, too.

"I would tell you to be careful... I mean yes, I am shocked because you're sixteen but I do kind of owe you for everything you have gone through... So... And I'm fine with you being gay. I love that you were probably going to choose Gerard. He's very polite. I just... Frank, you should have told me about you and Billie Joe," she sighed again. "He is a motherfucking punk. You should leave him and date Gerard." I agree.

Frank gasped at his mother's curse. "I know, mom, I want to, but... And I'm glad you like Gerard. I just don't know how I feel about him yet..." He's lying. I can tell by the tone of his voice. He might be in love with me. And he just said... Oh god. He said he wants to leave BJ for me? "I think I really like him though... Maybe I..." My breath hitched in my throat when I heard that.

"Never mind," she waved it away. "Gerard is gay too? Why did agree to go out with Lindsey then?" Good point.

"I... I don't know..."

Mrs Iero, well, Linda walked back into the room with Frank. "You still want me to take you to meet Lindsey?" She asked. Her face was telling me that she wanted me to say, 'nah. I'll just stay here and fuck your son'. Which is what I REALLY wanted to say.

"Yeah, I guess..." I sighed out. What the fuck am I even doing with all of this shit between who I want or whatever? I know I REALLY want Frank. But I still am into Lindsey and have been dreaming of going on a date with her since I met her. Pathetic, right?

Frank looked slightly hurt at what I said. Like he gave me his heart and I chopped it up into tiny pieces. But I think then he understood that I didn't wanna let Lindsey down. And he was okay.

But he still looked like he loathed himself. He looked sad and angry. Maybe it was because he thought that I didn't want him or something. But I did. Oh god, I really really did.

***

I walked Lindsey home. We walked to her front door in silence. I recollected my thoughts. The date went very well. We ate dinner and went to the park to talk for awhile. It was really nice. 

"Thanks," she said, blushing. She looked me in the eyes and smiled. God, she's so beautiful.

"Anytime," I replied, blushing as well.

She kissed me on the cheek and smiled as she went inside. I began walking back to Frank's house. It was so fucking cold, it stung my lungs to breathe. And Frank's house was really far from Lindsey's. I called Linda to ask her to come get me, and she said,  
"I don't think it's a good idea for you to come back here. Frank's father is furious and--"

I hung up the phone. Why the fuck would she tell him?! That fucking bitch! I trusted her and she goes and tells Frank's asshole, homophobic, bad excuse for a father that he's gay! Oh my god, I could only imagine what was going on.

I looked around and realized: I have no fucking idea of where the hell I am!  
I saw a street name: Oakland Road.

I caved in. I called mom and asked her to come get me.

-


	4. Wanted

When I got home, Mikey ran to me, crying his eyes out. He hugged me tight and sobbed into my shoulder.

"I thought you died!" He sobbed quietly. I ran my fingers through his hair and twirled it. He looked up at me and I grinned. I shook my head.

"Nah, I'm still here," I chuckled. He planted his face into my shoulder again. I stroked his hair and wrapped my arms around him. "You can't get rid of me that easy."

He looked up and grinned at me. He lead me into his bedroom where I found Pete laying in Mikey's bed reading a comic book. I chuckled when I realized it was one of mine. Mikey snatched the book from Pete's hands and set it down. Mikey gestured for me to sit down. Pete opened his mouth to say something, but Mikey silenced him with his finger. I sat down.

"So," Mikey began. He looked around the room before looking at me in the eyes and smiling. "How was the date with Lindsey?"

"Did you have sex?" Pete asked overenthusiasticly. They both looked at me with beckoning eyes. Did they forget that I am now gay? Or part gay... Whatever. Yeah, I was only part gay, as I still had a thing for Lindsey which I assume I'll never understand.

"And how old are you again, Pete?" I asked, half startled. His over enthusiasm was kind of creeping me the fuck out. He shrugged jokingly, and Mikey playfully punched him in the arm. I wondered if Mikey ever told Pete how he felt about him. Or the other way around. They were always so happy around each other, and I could only assume it was nothing but a long and happy friendship ahead of them, but I hoped I was wrong.

"So really, did you?" Mikey pressed. I raised my eyebrows at him and rolled my eyes.

"Well, of course not, Mikes," I chuckled. For an odd unknown reason, I found myself thinking of Frank. I wondered what was going on with him right now and I was worried. But I pushed all that aside for the moment. "Like Lindsey fucking Ballato would even consider sleeping with a freak like me."

"You're not a freak, Gerard," he sighed. He looked to Pete, but then quickly turned his gaze back to me. "Well, then did you have sex with Frank?"

I fucking died. Right there. Well, it sure felt like it, anyway. I blinked a few times and Mikey raised a quizzical eyebrow at me.

"Hell no, Mikey," I gasped. That's when everything that happened today came flooding back. I kissed Frank. I fucking kissed Frank Iero. My angel. I kissed my angel. Oh god, and his lips were so damn soft. And I kissed those lips. My god, I was in love with him. That motherfucking angel of mine.

"Gerard?"

"Huh?" His words brought me out of my thoughts. They were staring at me, both raising eyebrows at me. When I realized they both were very interested in my thing for Frank more than my thing with Lindsey, I carried on.

"No... But we... We kissed."

Both their mouths fell open is utter surprise. I blushed lightly before continuing on. I couldn't stop now. They'd have a shitload of questions.

"And we... We touched. And I..." I trailed off, watching as Mikey scooted closer. He reached out and pulled my scarf off. He giggled and I just watched as he poked at the bruise on my neck. It felt weird, and the spot was tender, I looked at him, giving him a warning. He stopped before I could snap on his ass. Albeit we did get along for the most part, Mikey would still get on my nerves sometimes. But aren't all siblings like that? Or rather, some. 

"So how are you two doing?" I asked nervously. I glanced at both of them, hoping one of them would get what I was getting at. Luckily, Mikey did and smiled. He turned to Pete and quickly planted his lips upon Pete's. That was enough for me to understand. Smiling, I stood up and exited the room. I didn't wanna be in there in case Mikey was about to lose his virginity. That is, if he even is still a virgin.

Once in my own room, I texted Frank. I might be over worrying, but I needed to be sure he was okay. I knew how his father was.

'Frankie, is everything okay?'

I didn't expect an answer, but to my surprise, the phone buzzed. The text was from Frank Iero. It read,

'Don't text this fucking number again. Delete it from your phone.'

It wasn't Frank. It couldn't be Frank. Most of all, I hoped it wasn't Frank. Why would Frank act like that? I decided on texting the number back.

'Who's this?'

And to my surprise again, they responded. My heart dropped when I read it slowly. Over and over again. I didn't understand. Tears slowly fell from my eyes, reading it again and again, hoping it wasn't true. 

'It's Frank, you faggot. Stop texting this number. Leave me alone, you stupid piece of unwanted trash.'

But it was. It was real. It was there on the screen. And it hurt. My heart felt like it had been crushed. I felt like I died. And I did. I died. Emotionally, but still. It hurt just as much. It couldn't be Frank, could it? He's my best friend. He fucking kissed me earlier and hates me now? I didn't want to believe that it was Frank. Not my angel. No. But it had to be. It just did. Or did it? Was it? I was hurting. It was because I love him. I always thought love would one day be the death of me. That day was today.

Out of pain and rage and sadness, I threw my phone across the room. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sobbed. I just cried and cried forever. I finally fell asleep. And I didn't want to wake up.

***

When I walked inside the doors, Ray engulfed me in a hug. I hugged back, of course. He looked at me and smiled, tears filling his eyes. He blinked them away and hugged me again. What's going on?

"He's okay," Ray whispered into my ear. It sent chills down my spine. Wait, what's going on?! What...? Who's okay? Pulling away from Ray, I looked at him perplexedly.

"Frank's okay," he smiled again, tears reforming. What did he mean?? Did he say Frank?? Frank hates me. I raised an eyebrow. "The doctors said he'd be okay. I'm just overemotional. Sorry. Didn't mean to frighten you or anything."

"Ray, what's going on?" I asked, afraid, concerned and confused. What is he talking about??? "Doctors? Ray, tell me what you're talking about! What's going on with Frank?"

"No one told you?" He exclaimed, clearly upset. I shook my head. "I told BJ to text you off Frank's phone and tell you! You didn't get a text?" I shook my head again.

"No, I texted Frank and he told me not to text the number again. He called me a faggot. Ray, what's going on?"

He sighed. "Dammit, no, he didn't. I'll ask BJ about it later. It was BJ texting you, Gerard. Not Frank. Frank's in the hospital."

"Why the fuck is he in the hospital?!" I choked, scared. I was fucking terrified now. "What happened?! God, it must be my fault!"

"No, Frank told his father that he was gay and his father beat him."

My fucking jaw dropped. I didn't plan for it to happen, but I was skipping school today. I ran out the doors. I could hear Ray yelling at me to come back, but I didn't listen. I ran as fast as my legs would allow me. It was fucking freezing, but again, I couldn't care less. I needed to see him. I needed to apologize. It was probably all my fault.

I kept running. I had to. No matter how tired I was. I forced myself to keep going. The wind was bone chilling and strong; it cut through my clothes and froze me, no matter how bundled up I was. But still, I kept pushing myself. The hospital was five miles away and I didn't seem to think it through before I started running. For this, I was clearly stupid. But I had already ran about a mile and a half, and I was not about to turn my ass around and run back.

And so, I kept going. Frank was my main priority and I needed to be there for him, even if it was my fault. I couldn't let him push me away. And BJ I would deal with later. Why would he pose as Frank, calling me a faggot when he should look in the mirror?

Twenty minutes later and I still was going. I was tired and my breaths were coming out sharp and jagged. It stung my lungs to breathe. I pushed myself even harder now, determined to get to Frank as quickly as I could. Even though Ray had said he was okay, I needed to get there. I would feel guilty and selfish if I wasn't there right away.

But it seemed that I wasn't getting to the hospital. I ran about another mile before I collapsed. I just collapsed. No warning. I was on the ground like that before I could even think. Everything went black after that. I hoped that maybe I was really dying. Oh, one can dream.

***

I awoke in someone's arms. We were moving. Someone was carrying me. I knew by the scent of watermelons that it was someone I definitely knew. I opened my eyes.

"Brendon?" I croaked. He looked down at me and smiled. Damn, Brendon was strong for being... Well, Brendon. Scrawny, little nerdy Brendon. I looked up at him as well and his grin widened.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he sang. I chuckled, but it stung my throat. I looked around. I couldn't see anything but woods. God, this is really creepy. And dammit, I needed to be with Frank right now. How long was I out?

"Where are we?" I panicked. I had no fucking idea where the hell I even was. "How long was I asleep? Where are we going? Brendon?"

He looked down at me and just giggled. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Don't worry, princess, we're almost there," he giggled. I shot him a scowl. He giggled again. "Oh stop, miss moodypants. I'm taking you to meet Ryan. He likes for us to meet here, in the woods. It's very private and quiet and quite romantic. You and Frankie could come here one time to fuck if you'd like. I give you permission."

My eyes widened and I blushed, my mouth agape. He laughed at me and I just stared at him.

"Frank and I aren't--"

"Oh, I'm just teasing, silly," he interrupted. I rolled my eyes at him and he giggled all girly like. Brendon was very gay. "But, it's quite obvious that you like him. More than friends. The way you stare at him, the way you blush when you're around him. I think you love him."

"No, I don't," I lied. I couldn't have this. Nope. No fucking way. No one could know how I felt about him. Well, Mikey and Pete were exceptions, but no one else. Not even Ray. "I don't love him, Brendon. We're just friends, okay?"

"Whatever you say, liar," he smirked. I wanted to slap him, but I needed him to get home, so that was a big fat NO. "When did friends start kissing, Gerard? When did they start choking each other with their tongues whilst they touched each other, hmm?"

I blushed again. "W-who told you that?" I chose my words carefully. If I said, 'how did you know?' then he'd know I was lying for sure. I'm totally in the shit right now, for fucking sure. Brendon was a good lie-detector.

"Pete's one of my best friends, Gerard. He tells me everything. He told me that he loved Mikey, he told me about you and Frank last night, he told me--"

"Okay, so we kissed, what's the big deal?" I snapped. Finally allowing the truth to fall from my lips, I blushed deeper. I cannot believe Pete would blab about my secret. I didn't go around screaming, 'Pete Wentz loves my brother, Mikey Way'! I just didn't... Okay, so maybe I told Ray. But that's not the point.

"Ah, so the truth is finally revealed!" Brendon exclaimed. He giggled that girly fucking giggle again and smiled. "What was it like? Did you like it? Is he a good kisser? Details, my friend!"

I told him about how I asked for Frank's help and then it became more. Not like I could lie to him. So I didn't. I explained everything and he just nodded and giggled as I spoke. Only commenting on a few things here and there.

"I won't tell anyone, Gerard," Brendon promised seriously. He looked into my eyes as he spoke, and I knew that I could trust Brendon for sure. "I promise. I don't blab other people's secrets. I'm a good, trustworthy secret keeper." Brendon Urie, the secret keeper. It suits him well. I nodded.

"How long before we get to Ryan?" I asked after a few minutes. I totally forgot about going to see Frank for a moment, and I was anxious to get there. Then I remembered to ask. "Oh yeah, why did you pick me up?"

"On my way here, I found you and you were freezing cold, so I picked you up and decided you were coming with me," Brendon smiled. He walked a little further and then stopped. "We're here!"

I sighed, relieved. It felt like it took forever to get here.

Brendon walked to where Ryan was sitting. I'm assuming he was expecting me because he offered me a packet of M&Ms as soon as Brendon sat me down. I took them, thanking Ryan. Brendon kissed Ryan before sitting in between us. Ryan just smiled, before looking up at Brendon. He looked at me again.

"Brendon's kisses are full of venom, I tell you. They'll kill me one day," Ryan laughed, before slowly leaning in and kissing Brendon again. I looked away, just eating my M&Ms, thinking of Frank.

"Merci pour le venin," Ryan purred. Brendon just giggled. Was Ryan speaking French? I guess he saw my puzzled face. He giggled at me and looked off in another direction. I tapped Brendon, looking at him with my quizzical eyebrows raised.

"It means, 'Thank you for the venom'," Brendon giggled. He reached over and took ahold of Ryan's hand, making Ryan look back at us. Thank you for the venom? That'd be a cool name for a song.

The three of us just talked for awhile. A good few hours at least. Finally, I asked Brendon if he'd take me to the hospital.

"What?" He panicked. "Why?! Are you alright?!" Brendon poked at me and I just laughed.

"No, silly," I giggled, rolling my eyes somewhat playfully. "Frankie's there. His father hurt him last night and I haven't got to see him."

"Oh," he relaxed. He stood up and held out his hand. "C'mon then. Let's get moving before it gets dark. It's a long walk, you know. Maybe thirty minutes?"

I nodded and took his hand. He hauled me to my feet I and waved goodbye to Ryan. He waved back and blew Brendon a kiss. Brendon, of course, being gay Brendon, caught the kiss and 'shoved it in his pocket'. I wish I had someone who loved me like that.

Brendon and I started walking. By the time we finally made it out of there, it was twilight. The sky looked so beautiful. As I observed it, I thought about how beautiful Frankie was. I could never compare. I am ugly and I hate myself. I am ugly and he is so beautiful. He will always be an angel. My angel.

But not mine.

Brendon took me to the front of the hospital before giving me a hug. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Thank you for helping me," I whispered. Brendon was really awesome in my book. And the way he looks at Ryan... He is full of love. So much love.

"No problem, princess," he giggled, pulling away. I jokingly punched him on the arm and he giggled harder. "So, did you like Ryan? I know you've seen him but I know you've never properly met him. So, you like?"

"Sure, he's cool," I smiled. I looked at the front doors of the hospital. "I gotta go see him."

"Okay, bye sassy," he giggled. I watched as he walked off. Turning around, I walked inside the hospital and walked up to the lady at the desk.

"Yes?"

"May I visit with Frank Iero?" I asked nervously.

"Room 409."

"Thank you," I uttered as I walked off. Room 409? That would be like, what? The third floor? I made my way to the elevator and pushed the button. I fucking hate elevators. They make me dizzy. But for my angel, I'd do anything.

I made my way to room 409. I didn't enter. Not yet. I thought about what I needed to say. I could waltz in there and be all like, 'Frankie, I'm sorry your dad beat you up because you're gay and oh, by the way, I love you'.

No.

Just no.

I knocked on the door quietly, deciding to wing it. When nobody answered, I knocked again. The door was suddenly opened by BJ, who sighed at the sight of me. I looked from the floor, meeting his gaze. BJ rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Came to apologize?" He sneered. I nodded. I knew it was my fault. I know things, remember?

"BJ, who's there?" Frank asked weakly. I tried to look around BJ, but he kept stepping in my way. "Who is it, Billie?" Frank snapped.

I stepped around BJ, walking right to Frank's bedside. I placed a hand on top of his when he didn't say anything. Tears started to slowly make their way down my cheeks as I looked for the right words. BJ rolled his eyes again, before leaving. Frank cupped my face, tilting it up to make eye contact.

"Gerard," he whispered, rubbing my face with his thumb. He used his other hand to grab my hand and squeeze lightly. "Is everything okay?"

"I should be asking you," I whispered softly. I feel fucking terrible. I hate myself for asking Frank to kiss me... Well, sort of. If I didn't, he wouldn't have told his dad (I hoped) and he wouldn't be here in the hospital. Everything is my fault.

"I'm fine," he said genuinely. "But are you? You look like a total wreck. No offence. Don't lie, Gee. Are you okay?"

I shook my head. And that's when I started sobbing. Frank pulled me into him and I just sobbed. I climbed up next to him, just sniffling now. I looked at him and he looked at me.

"I'm so sorry," I croaked. He cupped my face again. "Everything is all my fault. If I never asked you to kiss me--"

"It's not your fault, Gee," he interrupted. He caressed my face for a moment or two. "I decided it was better to tell him, okay? Not your fault. And I'm glad you asked me to kiss you. It's awesome that you trust me enough to kiss you when you're not even gay and I am. And when I fooled around and touched you and you liked it, despite that you're probably straight, I figured it was because you've never had those kind of actions thrown upon you. I just love that you can trust me with anything. It makes me feel good. You know what else makes me feel good? You. You know what else? My guitar. You know what else? Coffee."

I didn't hear BJ. I heard me.

I chuckled. I was totally cheered up now. But, I decided to take the risk and ask him the question that I've been wanting to ask since yesterday.

"W-well, how did the kiss make you feel?"

He looked at me for a moment and giggled.

"Pretty damn good," he grinned. God, he's adorable. My angel is fucking beautiful. "But, you know... that was only a one time thing. I still really like BJ and all that. So... Yeah."

My heart probably just broke. It stopped beating. Something happened because I feel dead.

"May I ask how it made you feel?" He asked. I looked into his eyes and back to my legs.

It made me feel perfect. I felt wanted, excited, nervous and happy or whatever. But I didn't look away from my legs. I sat there for a moment.

"Wanted?" I shrugged. Yes, that's how I felt. Wanted. No one else made me feel wanted. And I knew what being wanted felt like for a moment. Even if he didn't want me. I still felt good like he if he did. I nodded. "Yes. Wanted."

Frank faked a smile and looked away.

"I wonder what that feels like," he sighed. I saw the look of sadness lingering on his face. Billie Joe didn't want him? I know I sure did. I wanted him so bad. And I never showed him. That's why he never felt wanted. No one ever showed him. And I was about to.

"Frank," I whispered, cupping his face and turning his head to meet my gaze. I slowly leaned in and pressed my lips against his. God, those fucking lips of his. They're so damn soft. 

He didn't move for a minute, but then he reciprocated and placed a hand on my waist. I lifted myself up and carefully swung my leg over his, straddling him, but on my knees. I was cupping his face with one hand, and cupping his neck with the other. He was slipping his hands up the back of my shirt, making my cold skin start to warm up. I could have stayed like this with him forever. We were just perfect together; our lips fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and then with they way we connected...

I pulled away slightly, our foreheads still touching and I still felt his warm breath on my face.

"That's what it's like to feel wanted," I whispered. I opened my eyes and he opened his. I looked into those beautiful hazel orbs and couldn't look away. I carefully climbed off of him, sitting the way I was before.

We sat in silence for a few moments, recollecting our thoughts on the situation. I looked out the window and notice that dusk had fallen... and of course, I had to walk home. I sighed. Frank looked at me worriedly. 

"I gotta walk home, Frankie," I said, getting up. He grabbed my arm and looked at me. I looked back at him.

"Or you could just stay here," he offered. "It's too dark for you to be walking home alone. What if you run into Bert McCracken? What if you run into him and he beats you and leaves you for dead? Or what if, god forbid, you get kidnapped or murdered or robbed? Things are better if you stay."

I blushed. Frankie really did care about me.

"But my mom will flip, my brother will worry and Tobias..." I paused, looking for the right words to say. "Tobias will just keep saying I'm dead or something because he's an asshole, and Mikey will cry."

He raised an eyebrow at me. I sighed. I sat back down next to him on the bed and he smiled.

"Thank you," he said softly. I hugged him. "They'll be fine, Gerard. And you'll be okay here. BJ went home for the night, okay? You can just lay with me. Everything will be okay, alright? Now, come here and let me warm you up."

I nodded and snuggled up beside him. He was nice and warm. He lifted the blankets so I could climb underneath and I did. He shivered when I curled up beside him.

"Damn, you're cold," he gasped. I giggled then looked up at my angel. "Oh, and one more thing. No sex tonight, okay? I'm still too fucked up. Otherwise, I'd be fucking you hard."

I blushed and pulled away from him, just staring at him as he giggled. I rolled my eyes at him. Thank god, this was a joke. When he finished laughing, he smirked like a motherfucker. I just rolled my eyes again, still blushing like hell.

"Oh lighten up," he giggled. "I'm just joking. Or am I? I'm not sure. You're pretty cute. I don't understand how you're still a virgin. I mean, look at you. You're sweet, you're a good listener, you're sexy as fuck. I don't get it. I would totally fuck you. That is, if I had no boyfriend and you were gay and if we weren't in a fucking hospital."

Holy. Fuck. Oh my god. He just called me sexy. He just said he'd fuck me. Oh god, I think I'm gonna die.

I blushed a deeper shade of red. Like, red red. I just stared at him. I couldn't even move. After a few moments, I gathered the courage to talk.

"Um, I am gay," I gulped. "Well, I'm not. I'm bisexual like BJ. And you're fucking with me, right?"

He shook his motherfucking head and smiled.

"Shit," I whispered. If he and BJ were broken up, he'd fucking fuck me. Not that it's a bad thing. I just know he'll never leave BJ. I don't know why I think he won't. I just do. 

"Do I have a reason to?" He asked, pulling me back down to lay next to him. "You're a cutie. Anyone would be lucky to get to fuck you. Whether it's Lindsey, fucking me, anyone. You're such a good person, Gerard. Like I said, I don't know how you're still a virgin. As it is, I fucking stole your first kiss. It's just... you're just... awesome. You're a sweetheart. Would I lie to you?"

"No," I whispered, still blushing a deep scarlet color. "Thanks, Frankie. I'm just not confident. I'm not brave enough to tell anyone how I feel about them. I'm a coward. I'm..."

"You're not a coward. You're just... I don't know how to describe you. You... You're the type that needs to be approached with this type of thing. Maybe you can approach the one you like (which I'm guessing is Lindsey) in a different way. Does that make sense?"

I nodded and started to play with my hands. 

"Okay good," he said.

***

Frank was finally out of the hospital. It had been three days.

I was in the classroom, waiting for class to start, when BJ appeared in the doorway. God, I did not wanna see him.

I looked up at him. He walked in and took a seat on the desk.

"Hey," he sighed. I looked away from him. "So. How's it going?"

"Um, fine," I replied. I stood up, ready to leave the room. BJ stood up, too. He took ahold of my arm.

"Hey, wait," he said, letting go of my arm. "I just wanna chitchat. So... Random topic." I raised my eyebrows at him. "C'mon, I need to talk to someone. Now, pick a topic."

"Um," I said, thinking of some topic that would be interesting. When I came up with nothing, I just decided to ask. "Well, how are you and Frank doing?"

"Good," BJ nodded. I rolled my eyes at him. "Well, I know who'll be getting some sex tonight. And you know it's definitely not you. Hey, by the way, that reminds me. Are you still a virgin? Or did you and Lindsey Ballato...?"

Fuck. I really don't wanna talk to motherfucking BJ about my private sex life. If it even exists.

"Yeah, I am," I sighed. Oh well. He already knew anyway. I'll probably die a virgin, but... whatever, I guess. "Lindsey only kissed me on the cheek."

"Oh, that sucks. And I mean, it's not like you'll even know what to do or anything. You're inexperienced. You've never had sex. You'll just disappoint whoever you get to even have sex with you."

I wanted to punch him so fucking hard in the face.

But I didn't.

"Yeah I guess," I murmured. He needed that punch so bad. He was so stupid. And he doesn't deserve my angel. He doesn't.

"Well, if you come with me to the bathroom, I'll help you."

What. The. Fuck?

"Huh," I spluttered, still trying to made sense of this. Did Billie Joe fucking Armstrong just tell me that he was going to...?

Oh hell fuck no.

"C'mon, I'll show you a few things," BJ whispered, getting closer and closer to me. He tried to kiss me, but I shoved him away. What is he even doing?

"You're with Frank," I responded angrily. How could he even think about cheating on Frank? With his best friend, nonetheless! "And besides, Billie, I don't like you like that. I'm not even sure if I like you at all. I tolerate you because Frankie likes you. I don't give an actual flying fuck about you. So fuck off and leave me alone."

BJ rolled his eyes. I left the classroom and started to head for the bathroom. My cubical would keep him out unless he kicked down the door; he couldn't fit under the door, but Frank and I could. He began to follow me, so I walked even faster. When I reached the bathroom, I saw Frank talking to Ray beside his locker. Other kids were just doing their thing and talking. BJ couldn't try anything here. BJ called for me to wait, but I turned around immediately.

"If you don't stop this shit right now, I'll tell Frank," I warned. I would, too. Frank was standing not too far away and I could go right up to him. I don't know if he'd believe me, but I'd beg for him to.

"No, you won't," he smirked, before shoving me into the bathroom. He pushed me up against the wall and started to kiss me.

"Get the fuck away from me!" I shouted, turning my head to the side. He kept trying to kiss me again, but I kept turning my head. What the fuck is he doing?! I thought he liked Frank! I kept fighting him. I spat in his face and he slapped me hard across mine.

"Last straw, Gee," he hissed. He smirked at me. "Just cooperate. I'm teaching you things, okay? Fuck, don't get all pissed and turn into a pansy."

"Don't call me that," I snapped, looking him directly in the eyes. I was scared to death and so close to crying, but I tried to keep it cool, so I wouldn't appear weak. But I was failing miserably. My face was laced with fear.

"Which one? Gee, or pansy?"

"Neither!" I spat in his face again. I knew I would regret it, but I didn't know what else to do. I had a very bad feeling that this was gonna be bad for me and I needed to stop him. I definitely was telling Frank if I lived. And at this point, I didn't know if I would or not. I knew BJ wouldn't kill me, but I definitely would kill myself if I didn't stop him.

BJ just smirked at me again. I shot him a perplexed look. I had no idea what he had planned behind that stupid smirk of his, but I knew it wasn't good. Well, for me anyway. BJ pulled off my shirt and kissed my neck, then bit into it real hard. I yelped. I knew I was close to crying any minute now... I couldn't hold back the tears much longer. I was utterly terrified. 

BJ unzipped my jeans, and I flipped out. I started hitting him, but he spun me around so I was facing the wall. He pushed me hard against it, and then took off his tie to use it to bound my hands. Then I heard BJ unzipping his jeans, and I nearly passed out. I couldn't believe what was going on. He yanked down my pants, and luckily, I still had my boxers on. Yet, he somewhat fixed that problem for himself. He slid his hand into my boxers.

"Frank, help me, please," I whispered softly. I knew Frank couldn't hear me, but it was worth saying. I needed to hear myself beg for help to realize how this was gonna go down. And if I am going down, sugar, I'm going down swinging.

I pushed BJ away from me and tried to run, but he had a nice grip on me and it hurt to yank away, and he was swift, and I had my pants at my ankles. He grabbed me and threw me to the floor. I cried out slightly, trying to comprehend what was going on. BJ flipped me onto my stomach and yanked my boxers down, too. He straddled me, somewhat pinning me down. This was exactly how I imagined prison being. And oh god, I knew I was done for. I couldn't fight anymore. And all the tears started spilling freely from my eyes. I started to sob. And even though this was it, I found myself not giving up just yet.

"Frank!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I wasn't giving up now. I kept calling for him. "Frank! Help me! Frank!! Frank, please!"

And it was if my angel was somewhat connected to me. He heard me. Just when I thought It was all over, just when I was giving up and BJ was about to rape me, my angel ran into the bathroom in panic. He stared at BJ wide-eyed in horror.

"What the fuck is going on?!" He yelled. I started to sob again. Maybe he thought this was all my fault. Maybe he thought that I begged BJ to do this. I wasn't sure what he thought, but he looked PISSED. THE. FUCK. OFF. "Billie, what are you doing?! Gerard? What in the motherfucking hell is going on?!"

He looked at my sad eyes and tragically kissed lips. And in an instant, he knew exactly what was talking place here. He pushed BJ off me and started yelling.

"Billie! What the fuck we're you trying to do?!" He yelled. I knew he knew exactly what Billie Joe wanted and was trying to do to me, but I guess he wanted to hear it for himself.

"Frankie, help me out here, will ya?" Billie demanded. He smirked at me again and I wanted to rip his face off.

"No, get the fuck up and leave him alone!"

"I was trying to teach him things, Frankie," Billie sighed. Billie then looked down at me. "But he wouldn't let me. So fine, keep your friend somewhat innocent. I know he's not. But whatever floats your boat. You can have your little virgin all to yourself."

Billie scoffed and zipped up his pants. He walked over to the door with Frank staring at him with hate filled eyes. Frank had his back to me; my angel was protecting me.

"Just call me when you're ready to apologize." And with that, Billie Joe left the bathroom. Frank was still staring at the door for several moments.

"Frankie," I whimpered softly, voice cracking. Frank spun around, all the hatred immediately leaving his eyes as he fixed his gaze upon my weak body. I was really embarrassed; I was naked in front of Frank and I couldn't pull my pants up because my hands were literally tied.

Frank untied my hands and pulled me up into a sitting position. He pulled me into an embrace and I sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder and neck. Frank was rubbing my back with one hand, and running fingers through my long black hair with the other. And we sat like that for a moment in silence. Then Frank started speaking.

"I'm going to break up with him, okay?" He said softly. He pulled away a little, leaving our foreheads still touch. Cupping my face, he used his thumb to wipe away my tears. "Hey, Gerard, are you okay? He didn't touch you, did he? What happened exactly?"

"He- he slapped me," I gulped. I looked at Frank and tears started to fall out of my eyes again. He wiped them away. "He... touched me... Put his hand in my boxers. Slammed me against the wall and tossed me to the floor. He kissed me and I- I didn't like it..."

After I finished speaking, Frank hugged me again. I smiled. I felt safe in his arms. After he pulled away, he hauled me to my feet. He looked me over one time, but his eyes lingered below my waist for far too long. Shit. I realized my pants were still down. I blushed and attempted to reach down and pull them up, but my back was killing me. I groaned when I bent over.

Frank stood me upright. Perplexed, I stood there for a moment looking at him.

"Allow me," he blushed, keeping a hand on my hip. "That is, if you don't mind me doing it for you. I just don't wanna see you hurting yourself even more, okay?"

I nodded and Frank let go of my hip. He crouched down to grab the waistband of my boxers. His face was dangerously close to my crotch area and I blushed deeper, but pretended like I didn't notice. Frank grabbed the waistband and began to pull them up, but got distracted, letting his eyes go back to where they were and letting them linger. I bit my lip. This was a very awkward situation. I looked down at him and at the same time, he looked up at me and we made eye contact. He blushed deeper and pulled up my boxers. Then he pulled up my jeans and insisted on buttoning and zipping them up for me.

"I- I'm sorry," he said, blushing even harder. He pushed his hair behind his ears, revealing more of his bright red face. He took off his hoodie and handed it to me to put on, since BJ lost my shirt in here somewhere. "Here. Gerard, I- I didn't mean to look. It's just... You... Wow. You make me... I... Uh... You..."

"It's okay, Frankie."

"You're beautiful. You're perfect."

I hugged him again. I felt more tears spilling out of my eyes and I hugged him tighter. No one's ever called me beautiful or perfect. Why would they? But I guess Frank is just different. He thinks I'm beautiful and perfect and god, I'm in love with my angel. I really believe he was sent here to keep me in line, like a guardian angel. My guardian angel. And I'm in love with him. And maybe now that him and Billie are over, maybe, just maybe, he'll tell me he's in love with me, too. And maybe, now he'll want me like I've been wanting him.

Frank pulled away. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He wiped away my tears again. And just before we walked out the door, Frank said something that I'll never forget.

"I mean it. It's true. You're so beautiful and so perfect. You're beautiful to me, Gerard. And never let anyone tell you otherwise, because they will be lying. I can promise you that. Never let anyone tell you that you're not good enough. Because you are. You're good enough for me..."

-


	5. Because honestly, I couldn't be happier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED AUTHOR'S NOTE FROM 2015. 
> 
> //
> 
> Hey, it's occurred to me that I had said that BJ didn't go to school and then I made him get transferred. So, let's just say that BJ is a liar. Cause he is I guess. Let's say he lied to Frank about his age and he's actually 18 and falling behind. 
> 
> It's also occurred to me that Gerard had said that Mikey told him about him and Pete and then he went and asked Mikey again in the next chapter. So I'm just gonna say that Mikey never told him in the first place, and it was a hallucination. Remember, he gets those due to Bert. So, yeah. Sorry bout this too guys.

You know what sucks? Frank is bisexual, not gay. You wanna know why that sucks? Because he is dating this new bitch at school named Jamia. You wanna know why that sucks? Because I'm not her.

Frank hadn't made a move or anything on me or even said that he liked me after the bathroom incident. I thought he would, but no. Jamia just had to walk into school the next day. And Frank just had to fall head over heels for her. And here it is, just a few days before Frank's birthday. Frank thinks of Jamia as his birthday present. But you see, I wanted to be his birthday present. Stupid, right? Well, you see, I thought Frank really liked me in that kind of way. But no. Nothing good ever happens to me.

In other news, Brendon, Ryan and I hang out like, all the time. When I'm not with them, I'm at school, or with Mikey and Pete and now Patrick, who for some reason started hanging out more with Mikey and Pete. Which also, Ryan, Pete and Mikey also changed schools from my old one to this hellhole. Why? I have no fucking idea. Probably girls.

Oh shit, I forgot all of them are gay. And not single.

Anyway, when I'm not with them, I'm with Ray. Bob doesn't like me too much, I think. He hardly talks to me. Ray said he's just shy or something like that. But I believe he hates me.

I never hang out with Frank anymore unless we're at school.

He's constantly yapping about Jamia. He's all like,

'Oh, Jamia's so amazing. Jamia is the best person in the world. Jamia has the best taste in music. Jamia is the best kisser I know. Jamia this, jamia that.'

I already fucking hate this bitch and I've only said 'hi' to her once. I started hating her as soon as she walked into school and was making Frank stare. I starting having murderous thoughts about her when she batted her eyelids at him. I fucking considered actually killing her when she asked Frank out. I considered stabbing myself to death at school when he said yes. She became my mortal enemy and I thought about bitchslapping her and putting poison in her food when Frank said he liked her. She's my mortal enemy and she doesn't even know.

I hate Jamia Nestor.

First BJ now Jamia. Frank will never fucking love me. I will never have him to actually call 'mine'. He's my angel.

But not mine.

Speaking of a birthday present for Frank, I finally decided on what to get him. I found a pair of skeleton gloves with the holes for the fingers cut off, and a glow in the dark Misfits tee. I know he'll love it. I know things.

"So, when's your birthday, Gerard?" Frank randomly asked me while we were eating lunch at school. I never tell anyone. It's better that no one knows. "You never told me. I wanna know."

"It's better if you don't," I sighed. "I never tell anyone because I don't like when everyone makes a big deal out of it. I don't like being the center of attention. My family celebrates it because they know when it is. I wish I could erase that date from their minds."

"Oh, but surely you can tell me because I'm special," Frank giggled mischievously. "And because, well, you know, you've got like, the biggest crush on me, like, ever." He added jokingly.

I still blushed a deep shade of crimson.

"N-no, I don't," I breathed, rolling my eyes exasperatedly, still blushing furiously. "I don't have a crush on you, Frank." And I wasn't lying. Because I love him now. It's not a crush, it's love.

"Mmhmm," Frank giggled, obviously unconvinced. "I was just joking, Geebear. Will you please tell me when your birthday is? I wanna know because I don't wanna miss it. I wanna make it special. Because you're special. You're different. Look outside. What do you notice about the snowflakes?"

"They're not the exact same?"

"Exactly. Every snowflake's different, just like you."

"I'm still not telling you when my birthday is."

"Can I guess?"

"Ah, what the hell."

"Hmm... Give me a hint."

"Fine. It's the ninth."

"June?" I shook my head.

"March?" I shook my head again.

"November?"

I shook my head again. "I'll just tell you," I whispered, leaning in. Frank did the same. "It's the ninth of--"

"Jamia!" Frank exclaimed, jumping up and running to her. I sighed, looking away as the two shared a kiss.

"Hey baby," she giggled, walking with Frank over to where I was still sitting. Shit. She sat down next to Frank. "Hey. Jared, right?"

No, you fucking bitch, it's Gerard. Get it right, will ya? You deserve to die a long, horrible, agonizing death. I hope you get your face dunked in a deep fryer and I hope it burns like the cinders of hell.

Actually, maybe I deserve that.

I got up and turned to leave. "Rude, much?" She snorted. I heard her whisper the word 'freak' to Frank. I turned to face her, very offended, and she just rolled her eyes. "Don't look at me like that, you freak. It's creepy. Just leave us alone, will ya, Jared?"

"My name is not fucking Jared," I snapped. She just looked at me like I insulted her. "It's Gerard. Get it right, bitch."

They both just looked at me like I said I was planning to kill the president. Neither said a word, though. They just stared at me like I was a freak.

"Look, Frank," I sighed. I knew I would later regret this. "I--"

"Don't talk to Jamia like that, Gerard," he interrupted, standing up to face me. Everyone was staring at us now. "I cannot be your friend if you're gonna be a douchebag to her. She's my girlfriend, you motherfucker. She doesn't deserve to be treated like a piece of crap. Just go away and never talk to us again, freak."

I blacked out.

***

When I came back to myself, I was crying. I was on the ground, Frank was straddling me with his hands on my throat, not choking me, just barely gripping my throat. My arms were being held down by Jamia, blood was coming out of my nose and I ached everywhere. Frank had a black eye and a busted lip. I came to a conclusion.

Frank and I got into a fistfight.

Mikey was nearby, screaming and being restrained by Pete, Patrick, Brendon and Ryan. I turned my gaze back to Frank. He was angry as hell. His grip tightened on my throat and I gasped for air. I broke free from Jamia's grip and tried to pry his hands off my throat. Again his grip tightened and I gasped again. I let my hands drop to my side, and Frank let go of me. He stood up and wiped his face on his sleeve, never breaking eye contact. I clutched my throat as I sucked in air.

Brendon rushed over to me and helped me up, leaving the other three to keep Mikey restrained. Once I was on my feet, I stepped away from Brendon.

"Gerard, are you okay?" Brendon asked worriedly, taking a step towards me. "Let me help you." I backed away from him slowly, before turning and running to the bathroom. No one should've seen me cry.

I crawled under the stall door, like always and sat down. I sobbed quietly. I looked around for the only thing that would help:

My razorblade.

I finally spotted it, and snatched it up. I slid it into my pocket and crawled out underneath the stall door. I quickly left the bathroom and snuck out of school. No one came looking for me, though, so it was easy to get out. I went straight for those woods that Bren took me to.

I finally got to the clearing where we met Ryan. It was as peaceful as ever. I sat down in the middle of the field, knowing what I needed to do here. I was a fucking wreck. Fuck, I needed to cut. It was the only way to make it all stop. Frank hates me. My friends probably hate me. I deserve to just die.

I took the razorblade out of my pocket. I looked at it, remembering the last time I used it. It still had my blood on it, but it was all dried up. I placed it on my skin, ready to slice into my wrists when Patrick comes out of nowhere. I shoved the blade in my pocket before he could see. I wiped tears from my eyes as Patrick dropped beside me.

"Bren said you might be here," he uttered, picking at the grass. He looked up at me. "Hey, are you alright? You left and no one could find you. We all got worried when Bren said you might be here, so I came as quick as I could."

"He hates me now, doesn't he?" I whispered, not making eye contact as I cried. "Frank hates me. And I love him so much and he doesn't care about me. He cares about her. He doesn't love or want me, he loves and wants Jamia. Not me."

"I know how you feel," he sighed, letting his gaze fall to the ground. "I love someone who doesn't love me back. We're friends, but..."

"Who are they?" I asked, wiping tears from my eyes. "Don't you like Hayley? Or..."

"I care about Hayley, but I don't love her. You know who I love though? I love Pete fucking Wentz and I hate it."

My jaw dropped. "Pete Wentz? He's with Mikey... Shit. I'm sorry, Patrick."

"It's fine. I just... I really really like him. And he likes your brother and that means Pete can't know how I feel because Mikey's my friend and Pete's my friend and... Love fucking sucks."

"Yes it does, Patrick. Yes it does. And hey don't tell anyone I'm here."

Patrick and I talked for awhile before Patrick had to leave. He said he was gonna take care of his Pete problem soon, because he couldn't deal with it much longer. I just stayed in the field. I wasn't ready to face anyone else yet. Not Mikey, not Pete or mom. No one.

When it got really dark, I got really freaked out. The moon was shining bright, but it was pretty creepy still. There was no way I was going home tonight. Nope. No way I was walking through the woods in the dark. I was just... Ugh.

I just layed in the field, shivering like a motherfucker because it was like, 35 degrees and I had on light clothes. I'm sure my lips were blue. I found a tree and curled up next to it to block out some of the bone chilling wind.

My phone went off about a billion times. Texts from Brendon, Bren's friend Dallon Weekes, Mikey, mom, Pete, Ryan, and Lindsey and more. None from Frank, of course. I just ignored every text. I let every call go straight to voicemail. I turned off my phone. I blocked everyone out.

After awhile, I think everyone must've been freaked out and they must've bugged Frank, because he texted me finally.

'Gerard where the fuck are you?'

I didn't want to respond. I just clicked off my screen and pretended like I didn't read it. But everyone still kept texting me.

Mikey: Gerard please come home. Where are you?

Mom: Gerard where the fuck are you? You're pissing me off. It's late.

Brendon: Gerard are you okay?

Dallon: hey it's Dallon, Bren's worried about you.

Pete: are you alright? You can call me if you want.

Mikey: Gerard please don't ignore me. Please come back.

Lindsey: you OK? I'm worried about you please text me.

Ryan: hey please call Bren. He's worried.

Ray: hey gee, you alright? Where are you? We're all worried.

Frank: please don't fucking ignore me. Text me back.

Bob: text someone back cause they're all worried as shit.

Mom: Gerard come home. Tell me what's going on? I'm worried sick.

Frank: gee answer your goddamn phone.

And many, many more.

I pulled out my razorblade as my phone buzzed and buzzed. I studied it again. And again, I lightly pressed it to my skin. I wasn't gonna kill myself. I just needed to cut. I needed to watch myself bleed.

I pressed down slightly harder and dragged it across my wrist. The little slice started to bleed a little bit. I watched as it trickled down my arm. I watched as one drop fell onto the grass. And I was somewhat satisfied. I put the blade back and wrapped my wrist in my shirt, getting blood all over it. But I didn't care. I just tilted my head back against the tree and went to sleep.

***  
Brendon's P.O.V.

I went to Ryan's. He asked me to come, so I did. He had something important to tell me.

I walked to the door and knocked. A few seconds later, Ryan opens up the door.

"Hey, Bden," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Come in. Please." I obliged and sat down on a barstool.

"What's up, sugar?" I purred as I attempted to kiss Ryan's lips. He turned his head, making me confused. I looked at my boyfriend, who's eyes were filling with tears. "Hey, babe, you okay?"

He shook his head. "No," he sighed out. He looked away from my eyes. "Bren, you're gonna hate me when I tell you." What? I could never hate him. Nah, he's too cute.

"Tell me, Ry," I sighed. I looked directly into his eyes, which were now about to spill with tears. "Just tell me. It can't be that bad. C'mon Just tell me."

"Dallon and I... We kissed." Ryan started crying. "And I liked it."

After a shouting match, both of us crying, I decided to just leave. Ryan tried to stop me. I turned around and shoved him away. He started crying harder. He deserved it.

"Fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean," I cried furiously. "And leave me be."

Then I left.

I was BrenDone with his ass.

***  
Gerard's P.O.V.

I woke up in a bed. A bed that wasn't mine. A bed that looked far too familiar. A bed that I had my first kiss on. A bed that belonged to Frank Iero.

What the hell is going on?

I sat up, hoping to make sense of everything. I went to sleep in a field, woke up in Frank's bed. Okay. Now how the fuck did I get in Frank's bed?

And just as that thought crossed my mind, someone walked in. Someone I wasn't ready to see yet. Someone that can make me happy one minute and upset me the next. Someone who saved my life. Someone that was called Frank Iero.

"Hey," he whispered. Frank sat down beside me. "Come downstairs. Ray needs to talk to everyone."

"What am I doing here?" I asked suddenly. Because, fuck, no one likes to tell me anything. I needed answers like, now.

"Bren found you yesterday," he sighed. "I'll explain later. But right now Ray needs to talk to all of us. A ton of shit has happened since you left the day before yesterday. Like, it's probably World War II mixed with hell going on between all of us. Let's go."

I stood up, brushing past Frank rudely, because fuck, I was still angry at him. He deserved to know.

We made our way downstairs. Everyone looked surprised.

"He's alive!" Brendon cried jokingly, wrapping me in a hug that smelled like watermelons. "Like, seriously though. We all were worried. Fuck, you scared the living shit out of us. We thought you got eaten by a cannibal or some shit. Goddamn it, Gee."

"Okay, everyone please sit and be quiet," Ray sighed, stepping up onto a chair. Everyone obliged, either rolling their eyes or sighing. Many were here. About everyone I knew or knew of.

There was me, Frank, Ray, Bob, Alicia, Phoebe, Mikey, Pete, Jamia, Lindsey, Brendon, Hayley, Patrick, Ryan, Dallon, Jimmy, Kitty, Joe, Andy, and Spencer.

"Okay, so, guys..." Ray started, before he was cut off.

"Why the fuck are we here, fro fro?" Jamia interrupted. Ray shot her daggers.

"Well, I'll tell you if you shut the fuck up," Ray snapped. Ah, I take it he doesn't like this bitch either. And well, she sure as hell shut up.

"Okay, so Brendon's here because Ryan is a dumbfuck that kissed Dallon, another dumbfuck. They need to make up. Mikey is here because Patrick kissed Pete in front of him. This made Hayley very upset. And Phoebe likes Hayley, so she got jealous. Make up, y'all. Jimmy is here because he kissed Kitty who is into Lindsey who is probably into Gerard, who is probably into Frank and is here because he and Frank got into a fight because Jamia's a bitch. Fix this, please. Bob is here because Alicia likes him and he really wants her to stop stalking him. Sort this out. And Joe, Andy and Spencer are here because they're fucktards that are into Phoebe and Alicia. Simple enough? Fix this, guys. Please." Ray finally finished, sighing.

"Well, why are you here?" Pete asked, and everyone looked at Ray now.

"Well, I'm here to keep the peace. And because everyone's mad at me for dragging them here. Please y'all don't get mad at me! You know you love my fro, guys! Just.... Shit. Just be cool man. You guys need to fix your situations. Like, please..." Ray was begging now, knees on the floor and everything.

Everyone just stared at Ray.

"Some of your info is wrong," everyone complained, obviously lying.

"Just c'mon, you little shits! Make the fuck up! I can not stand when everyone around me is arguing, goddamn it!" Jesus! Ray was screaming and everyone was terrified. I don't think any of us has seen Ray like this. It's disturbing. 

At this point, everyone just started making up. But Brendon was being a stubborn little shit and wouldn't even acknowledge Ryan's presence. Ryan just sat there, crying. I felt so bad for him.

I turned to Frank. "Look, I'm sorry," he sighed. He placed his hand on top of mine. I looked at his hand and smiled sweetly. "Does that smile mean you forgive me? Does it mean we're okay now? And look, yeah, now I realize Jamia can be a bitch, but she's not like that all the time. Please just be nice because I like her, okay? When she gets mad, she withholds sex and it sucks."

I rolled my eyes. "I've made it my whole life without sex just fine," I teased. He rolled his eyes, too, shaking his head and he half chuckled. "Well, I have! If I can, you can too! Sex doesn't even seem that great, thank you very much. It seems bad to me. I'm gonna live without it. You should, too. Just saying. It's not worth and is much easier than dealing with all the crap that comes with it."

Frank fucking laughed so fucking hard he fell over.

"What?" I snapped, glancing down at my angel on the floor, laughing so hard that he was in tears. "It's all true! You know, I don't even..." I stopped. I got mad because he was still laughing, so I just stood up and walked out. Frank followed me out, still giggling, and reached out to stop me from walking home. It was freezing, by the way.

"Hey, where you going?" He giggled, I just rolled my eyes and started walking away. "Hey! Wait! Stop!" He called again as he grabbed my arm. I turned to face him. Then I looked away.

"Hey, are you upset because I laughed?" He asked, trying to fight the giggles inside. No shit, Sherlock. I nodded. "I only laughed because you don't even know. You don't know how good it is and you said it seems bad and god, that is hilarious. You really should try it sometime."

"No thanks," I sighed. I turned to walk away again, but he stopped me. "As you can tell, I'm not anyone's favorite person in the world. Fuck, no one even likes me like that even a little bit at all so... Yeah I'm gonna die a virgin. Fuck this whole wide world."

"You're my favorite person in the whole wide world," Frank blushed, smiling genuinely. "You're original. You're different. You're not like everybody else. You're unique. You're extraordinary. Even though the world is ugly, you're beautiful to me. You're the light within all the darkness. You're the rose within all the weeds. You're the cool oasis within the desert. You're the sunshine on a cloudy day. You're the moonlight in the dark of the night. You're beautiful. You're perfect. You're special. You're everything I want to be. Everything I'm not. You're the best person anyone could ask for. You're the angel that was sent to make the world more colorful. You're... You're Gerard Way, and you are the universe. You make the world worth everything it can throw at you. You're amazing."

Before I knew it, I was in tears. I was throwing myself into Frank. I was sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder, embracing him like he was my lifeline. Frank just giggled a little before pulling away and wiping tears from my eyes.

"Hey, don't cry, sugar," he smiled, continuing to wiping tears from my eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, but he silenced me with his finger. "Don't speak. Just..." He trailed off as he brushed the hair out of my eyes. I looked deep into his eyes and he cupped my face. I am in so much love with this angel called Frank Iero. My angel.

He leaned in to kiss me, and my heart skipped a beat.

Just as our lips brushed against each other, Ryan approached us. We jumped away from each other as Ryan got closer. He was crying. We both pulled him into a hug, despite the fact we both barely knew him. We asked him what was the matter.

"Brendon's being a major dick and he hates me!" Ryan sobbed. We both hugged him tighter. "Hey, Gerard? Do you want to hang out tomorrow? I need to talk to someone. But not tonight. I'm going home."

"Sure, okay," I smiled. Ryan nodded and began walking home. I turned back to Frank, who was smiling sweetly. "What are you smiling about, Frankie?"

"Look," he gestured to Ryan walking away. I looked. Ryan seemed a little happier. "See what you did? You made him happier in like, thirteen seconds. I told you that you were special." He turned to me as Ryan disappeared down the road.

Before I knew what was happening, Frank pressed his lips against mine. I kissed back as soon as I processed what was going on. I pressed my whole body against his, wrapping an arm around his waist.

We stood there just like that, kissing in the middle of the road for what felt like forever. I didn't want it to end.

But it did.

Frank pulled away, and we let go of each other. "I have to go get back to Jamia," he sighed. I nodded and he left that quick, after pecking me on the lips one more time.

Frank Iero is probably a boy I'll never quite understand. He claims he only likes me as a friend. He kisses me and he pretends like it never happened. He's the boy I kiss but we pretend like it's nothing. But it isn't nothing. It will always mean something to me. He doesn't realize every time we kiss I fall more and more in love with him. And then nothing else ever happens. He's very confusing.

***

I walked up to Ryan's door. He told me that he wanted to go to his and Bren's spot. I saw him right down a note, but shrugged it off. He told me to follow him. I nodded and we walked.

When we finally arrived, we sat down in the middle of the field. I listened as Ryan went on about how he and Brendon met. Apparently, Ryan met Brendon one day at this field. Ryan came because he found out his crush liked someone else. That crush was Dallon. Brendon came for the same reason. But his crush was Spencer. When they first saw each other, it was love at first sight. 

We talked a little more, and I pulled out a piece of paper to show to Ryan. It was a 'just in case anything happens to me' letter I wrote for Frank.

"You love Frank?" He asked, reading the letter. I nodded. "I figured so. I see the way you look at him, and I see the way he looks at you. It's the way Bren and I used to look at each other. It's true love."

"You think Frank likes me?" I asked curiously. Ryan smiled and shook his head. "You don't?"

"I don't think Frank likes you. I know he loves you. I see it in his eyes. He's just too afraid to tell you, I suppose he thinks you don't like him or if you do and you guys did become boyfriends, maybe he thinks he'll fuck up your life. I just know he's afraid to tell you how much he loves you. And I know you're afraid to tell him. That's why he preoccupies himself with relationships. He wants to be more than your friend, but at the same time, he doesn't. He doesn't want things screwed up between the two of you, even if you want him just as much as he wants you."

Ryan made perfect sense. I nodded and he gave me back the letter.

That's when we heard some rustling in the bushes. I jumped, the letter falling out of my hands. We both kept our gazes fixed on the bushes. We heard a twig snap and we both stared intensely.

After a few minutes passed and we didn't hear anything else, we went back to talking. Then we heard another twig snap. My heart dropped.

Out of the bushes emerged an angry looking John and a smirking Billie Joe. John had a knife, some rope and some duct tape. Billie had a gun.

We didn't move. Not one bit. We just watched as they made their way over to us. We were scared.

"So you're my faggot brother's boy-- ex-boyfriend," John spat at Ryan, who turned as pale as a ghost. "What a shame. Bren might miss you. Maybe. Maybe not. You two fags. You're disgusting. I didn't even know you two were dating. Jimmy told Steve who told me. I didn't even know you two broke up until I went through his texts to you. You little shit. So, you are the one to cause him all of this pain that I don't even give a shit about. So, I will end you, for Bren's sake." Ryan gulped.

"Well, look who it is," BJ laughed maniacally. "You know, we knew RyRy was gonna be here, but we didn't even think you'd be here too! I guess we're lucky. And you know, I hate you. If you would've just let me fuck you..." He trailed off. "Well, I'm gonna still have some fun with you. I told John I was gonna help him with RyRy, and now he can help me with you, you stupid little emo freak." I gulped too.

I turned to look at Ryan. He was crying. John saw this and slapped him, then called him a pansy. He tied us up, forcing us to our knees. He beat the fuck out of Ryan.

"Ready RyRy?" John asked, pressing the tip of the knife into Ryan's throat. "It'll be slow and painful, but at least you get to leave this world. So tell me. You ready, faggot?"

"P-please don't do this," Ryan cried. I looked around and noticed BJ was missing. Where the fuck could BJ go???

As soon as that thought left my head, I heard two gunshots. I turned my head to face them. There was blood everywhere. On me, John, the ground and even my letter. My eyes drifted behind Ryan. I choked out a sob.

There was BJ. Blood splattered on him. Standing behind Ryan's lifeless body. Pointing a gun at Ryan.

Ryan's lifeless body.

Ryan was dead.

"You took too long," BJ sighed, moving away from Ryan. "I took care of it. Let's just get the fuck out of here." BJ started to walk away, but was stopped by John.

"What about him?" John asked, gesturing to me with his knife. "We can't just leave him! He knows too much! Besides, we both don't like him."

BJ leaned in to whisper to John (which was useless because I could still hear everything they were talking about).

"Look, if we kill him, they'll know who did it," BJ began. "We can just take him with us a tie him up. We'll blackmail him with something until he promises not to say a damn word to anyone. Then we'll let him go with a warning. But we cannot kill him."

John nodded and got behind me. He hit me in the head with the handle of his knife.

Everything went black.

Frank's P.O.V.

Gerard and Ryan were gone all day and I was bored. I texted the both of them and got no reply. I texted Bren and asked if he would help me find them.

Bren: ya I know where to look.

Me: OK hurry I'm worried bout gee.

Bren: k. Meet me at the train tracks.

Me: the creepy ones?

Bren: ya. Hurry I need to make sure ry is OK.

Me: k. I think it's cool you still give a shit bout ry.

Bren: always.

When I got to the train tracks, I instantly got creeped out. Brendon finally showed up five minutes later.

"Bren, what the fuck took you so fucking long?" I whined as he lead me to a trail in the woods. "I got really fucking scared!"

"Quit being a baby," he snapped. "Let's just find them, alright?"

"Why are you so grumpy?" I asked brainlessly. Then it hit me like a shitload of bricks and I instantly remembered. "Never mind. I'm sorry."

"Drop it, honey," he sighed. I lit up a cigarette and offered one to Bren. He took one. "Yeah, I have being trying so fucking hard to quit, but the hell with it. I really need this fucker right now. So thank you, Frankie."

"Why have you been trying to quit?" I asked carefully. I just wanted to find Gerard, and I didn't know these woods. But Brendon did. So I was afraid of pissing him off. "That is, if you don't mind telling me."

"Ryan," he said, taking a drag off his cigarette. "He doesn't like the smoke. He asked me to quit, and because I love him so fucking much, I told him I would. The little motherfucker. He's just so cute and I'd do anything to see his cute ass motherfucking smile that just lights up my world. And boy, does he love the smell of watermelons. That's why I smell like watermelons. I spray myself with it and he clings to me for like, ever. It's so cute. God, was I harsh on him? I was, wasn't I? Damn, I miss him. I miss his smile. He lights up my world."

"Gerard lights up my world," I accidentally let slip from my mouth. Brendon stops and looks at me, wide smile on his face. "What? What is it?"

"Tell me what you like about Gerard."

"Everything. He's so talented, he's so sexy, he's like an angel. My angel. I saved his life. I'm in love with him. He's got a pretty smile, with all his pretty teeth. All so perfect and white. He's so perfect. His skin is soft and silky like milk. His eyes are motherfucking gorgeous. His hair is soft. He has a cute giggle. His personality is beautiful. He's beautiful. He's so sweet. He's got a cute button nose. Now, I can't lie. I've seen him naked, once. His body is sexy and he turns me on and like wow. Bren, you should seriously get him to strip for you one time. That motherfucker is hot as hell. I mean, yeah, he's dainty, but god. It was an accident that I saw him naked though. BJ was trying to rape him and he was naked on the floor, crying for me to help him. That's why BJ and I broke up. But damn, I had to be a slick, dirty little fucker."

"What do you mean? You didn't fuck him, did you? Because that would be fucked up."

"No. But I couldn't help but stare. And when he tried to pull his pants up, he hurt his back and I offered to do it. My face was right in his crotch. What a nice sight that was. But I didn't do anything. I pulled up his boxers and pants and buttoned and zipped them. I gave him my hoodie too."

"You are a dirty little fucker, aren't you?"

"Yep. I just wish I would've done something. He's got a real cute ass, you know. But I've never tried anything with him. Except that time I was helping him and I took his first kiss."

Brendon looked confused, but I explained the situation. I also told him about the hospital incident.

"Dirty little motherfucker," Brendon giggled. But then he got a bit more serious. "Hey, you should dump that bitch Jamia and ask Gerard out. I'm not promising anything, but I am pretty sure he likes you." Brendon winked.

"Holy crap, don't fuck with me, Bren."

"I'm not kidding, Frankie."

I jumped up and down, squealing. What the actual fuck?

We talk for a bit longer before we arrived at the meadow.

I wish we never showed up.

There was a lot of blood everywhere. No Gerard.

Dead Ryan.

Brendon saw Ryan and screamed. He ran to him, crying, and picked up his limp, lifeless body. He fell to the ground clutching Ryan, weeping. I just stood there stupidly. I was crying. I looked around and saw a trail where it looks like someone was dragged.

Someone took Gerard.

I found a bloody piece of paper by Ryan and Brendon.

It was from Gerard.

'Dear Frank,

If you're reading this, it means something bad has happened. But that's what this is for. It's to tell you things that I haven't told you yet when I wrote this.

First off, I just want you to know everything you've ever said to me is beautiful, just like you. You are an amazing person. And no matter what happens, whether I'm dead, missing or in a coma or something, I will still think this way of you.

Another thing, I think I really like you. I can't stop thinking about you ever. You're the best thing that's happened to me besides my brother. You saved my life. And I will always appreciate that. You're an angel. My angel. I want you to know that you don't have to like me back if I'm not dead. And I also want you to know that being in the same room as you fills me with so much happiness. And when you kiss me, I feel... I don't know how to describe it. Because honestly, I couldn't be happier.

I want you to know that I will wait for you if you don't like me and I'm not dead. If I'm dead, I'll still wait for you because I... I think I love you.

And I want you to know you make my life more beautiful than it ever has been. You make my life worth living, because, maybe it's true that I can't live without you. When I am sad, I think of you. Because when I think of you everything's okay. I feel incomplete without you. Before you, life was hell. Now with you, it's more colorful. You make realize how beautiful life is when you love someone.

And I'm in love with you, Frank Iero.

I wish I could tell you in person, but right at the moment I obviously cannot.

But I just wanted you to know that the world is meaningless without you. You are my world. You are my everything. You are my first true love. My first kiss. The best moments of my life were with you. Because you are my life. I give you my heart and all of my love. You make the world a more beautiful place. You are a true angel. You must have been sent to save me that day. It must have been our destiny. I want to thank you for making my life beautiful. You made me see the world as beautiful while you live in it.

You opened up my eyes.

Xo, g

P.S. I love you.'

Gerard isn't dead. And I'm going to get him back.

-


	6. Beautiful love, passion and romance

(Almost two months later: December 24th. Still Frank's POV)

-

I haven't seen Gerard in nearly two months. Tomorrow's Christmas. He disappeared on October 28th. He was kidnapped.

I miss him. The world has less color without him.

-

I walked to the field again. I came everyday since Gerard went missing. Maybe one day, I will see him again. No. Not maybe.

I will see him again. In time.

I sat down in the middle of the field. I hate this place. This is where Ryan died. This is where I nearly lost Gerard. This is where I did lose him. I hate this place, yet I still come. I do it for Gerard. I figured maybe he'd come back. There's that trail...

I don't know why, but I'm deciding on following that trail.

Maybe it'll take me to him. Maybe I'm desperate because maybe I need to see him again. Maybe I can find him. Maybe he's not dead and maybe he's just waiting for me and maybe he's okay and...

Maybe.

I began walking, following the trail of flattened grass where Gerard must've been dragged. The trail is long, but I don't care and I'll do whatever it takes. I can only pray to God that Gerard is somewhat at the end of the trail and okay. I need him to be okay. I can't move on and live my life without him.

He is my life now. He is my everything. He is my angel.

-

The trail ended at the creepy train tracks at the start of the woods. But luckily, there was more signs of flattened grass where Gerard must've been dragged. I followed the flat grass. It took me to a cemetery.

The cemetery was dark and creepy. I've been here before. BJ took me here once. Everything is so strange. I looked around, but don't see anything out of the ordinary. But... I heard something. Something... beautiful. Singing, perhaps?

Singing.

Singing. Coming from the mausoleum. The singer sounds sad, depressed maybe. And scared. And perhaps lonely. Maybe their family member died and they're visiting? Whatever it was, I was gonna find out. If someone is sad and all alone, don't you think they should be comforted?

I do.

I made my way to the mausoleum. I stood outside the door, listening. The voice is quite beautiful. It sounded like it belongs to a male, perhaps. The voice coming from the inside sounds awfully familiar. And the person was crying.

Hold the fuck up.

I busted through the mausoleum door. What I was definitely not expecting to see was him.

Gerard Way, my angel.

I started crying. He had his back to me and he was tensed up. He stopped singing. I guess he didn't know who entered but I assumed he thought it was the person keeping him hostage here. He was tied up, he looked like a mess. Was this really happening?

"G-Gerard?"

He turned around and looked at me, and began sobbing. The corners of his mouth turned into a slight smile.

"F-Frankie?"

I ran over to him, falling to the floor and wrapping my arms around him as tight as I could. I sobbed into his shoulder. I fucking found him! I fucking found my angel! I found him! I knew I would!

I untied him, and he wrapped his arms around me. We both sat there crying tears of joy for a few minutes, before Gerard looked into my eyes.

"We need to go," he said, wiping away his own tears. "Before they come back. They'll know I was found and leave me alone now. Frankie, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," I replied, wiping my tears away. "Who took you? Tell me what happened to you."

"I'll explain everything later, but John and BJ took me because I witnessed Ryan's murder. And right now we need to go."

Those motherfuckers.

I nodded and we got out of there as quick as possible. We made it to the creepy train tracks, and followed them until we hit the main road. We walked to my house (my parents weren't home thank god) and I let us in. We went upstairs, and sat on my bed. He explained to me everything that had happened while he was in the cemetery and when he got kidnapped.

Let's just say if I ever see those motherfuckers again, I will personally shoot them in the face.

Gerard's POV

He found me. My angel found me. I kept telling myself no one cared and no one was looking, but I was wrong. Frank cared. He cared enough to come for me and save my life again. I love him.

I told him everything. Every little detail. When I finished, he pulled out a dried bloodstained piece of paper.

My letter.

"I found this," he said quietly, handing me the paper. I already knew what it was. "Did you mean it? Everything you said?"

I bit my lip and nodded. I did mean it. Every single word. But did he feel the same way? He opened his mouth to talk. And before he could say anything, I chimed in.

"I should get home to my mom and Mikey, and let them know I'm alive and okay," I sighed. Frank looked up disappointedly and nodded. I stood up and hugged him. "Thank you, Frank."

"Hey, Christmas is tomorrow and--"

"Tomorrow is motherfucking Christmas?!" I interrupted. I was gone for that long? I missed Frank's birthday!

"Yeah, it is. I want to know what you want so I can get you something last minute."

"Okay." I looked around and grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down exactly what I wanted. I handed the paper to him. "Don't read it until I'm gone. Or even, read it tomorrow morning."

He nodded and I left.

When I got home, mom and Mikey totally freaked out when I came home. They engulfed me in hugs as they cried and asked a lot of questions. I explained everything. They hugged me some more and we talked some more. Finally it was time for bed and I fell asleep quickly.

-

When I woke up, I was alone. I was alone on fucking Christmas. How nice.

I went downstairs to find a note on the counter.

'Gerard,

You were sleeping so peacefully, we didn't want to wake you. Tobias and I went to his mother's and Mikey went to Pete's. I'm sorry you're alone, honey, but we'll be back soon. Go hang out with your friends. I'm sure they all missed you.

Merry Christmas.

-Mom'

I picked up the note and went back up to my room. I put the note in the drawer. I texted Frank to let him know I was awake. I looked at the clock; it read 12:56pm. Wow. I slept in today. I laid back down in my bed. I had nothing else better to do. I decided to close my eyes for a moment. But then I heard the front door being closed. Maybe Mikey was home?

I just laid there still, my eyes remained closed. I heard the footsteps leading to my room and the door came flying open. I opened my eyes.

Frank was in the doorway. He had a humongous smile on his face and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. He walked over to my bed and sat down, setting the note he had in his hands on my nightstand. I glanced over at it, noticing it was the one I wrote last night.

"Reread what you wrote," he instructed, gesturing to the note on my nightstand. I did as he asked and reread what I wrote.

'Dear Frankie,

I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true, baby, all I want for Christmas is you.

Xo g'

I set down the note, blushing. It's true. All I want for Christmas is him. But I needed to quickly change the subject.

"So, how's Lindsey?" I asked. To be honest, I really wondered. "Is she back with Bert?"

"No, actually, she's dating a gal named Ellie," he sighed, noticing that I was purposely changing the subject.

Ellie? Okay cool.

"Gerard. Don't change the subject. Just... Kiss me."

What?? Really??? Fuck yeah! Okay!!!

I just sat there, blinking stupidly. I didn't move. I just blushed. Frank realized I was stunned, I suppose, because he pushed me down on to the bed, straddled me and kissed me.

"You want me, right? Well, I'm yours." He kissed my neck. I moaned quietly, but I assume Frank didn't think that was good enough. He started sucking, hard. I moaned louder, reaching up to grab some of his hair. I felt him grin against my skin. Then he took off my shirt, and left a trail of kisses from my neck to my collarbone, biting my collarbone slightly. I moaned again as he made his way back to my neck.

"Frankie," I gasped as he reached down and undid my belt. He kissed my lips again, grabbing my arms and pinning them over my head. He made his way back to my neck again. I moaned louder, throwing my head back, exposing my neck even more. He let go of my wrists, reaching down to unzip my pants. I bucked my hips upwards at his touch, now desperately wanting more attention.

He sat up, taking off his shirt, exposing every tattoo he has. I stared in awe, just because I could. He's so beautiful. He leaned back down to latch his lips onto my neck again, leaving more and more marks. I didn't mind. I mean, it's Frank Iero. I can't say no to someone as beautiful as Frank Iero. It's impossible.

He kissed the mark he created on my neck. Then he just kissed my body from my neck down to where my jeans sat. I let out a quiet moan, trying not to be loud in case someone came home. If my mom came home, I'd be fucked. And not in the way that I'd like.

Frank sat up, looking at me with the world's biggest grin. I looked at him, perplexed, my arms still laying above my head. He slid his hand into my pants, making me let out some breathy gasps and moans. I bucked my hips upwards, making him grin even more, if that was fucking possible. I found myself mumbling random words until Frank squeezed.

"Frankie, just fuck me!" I exclaimed, barely in control of my own words. I bucked my hips upwards again, moaning loudly. He took his hand out and slid my pants off, leaving me in my boxers. He grabbed the waistband of them, and sat back for a moment.

"You sure you want this?" He asked cautiously. I placed my hand on top of his and nodded.

"I trust you."

He nodded and slid them off ever so slowly, discarding them on the floor with the rest of my clothes. He got up off the bed, sliding off his own pants and boxers. When he got back on the bed, he placed a hand on my thigh, sliding his hand up and down and I couldn't help but to let out a breathy gasp. He spread apart my legs, pushing them up and getting in between them.

"Now, this will hurt a little since we have nothing to work with, but I promise, if you tell me to stop or if you say no, I'll stop, okay? I won't force you to do anything you don't want me to. I want you to know I won't intentionally hurt you. You mean too much to me."

"Okay," I gasped. He placed his hands on my hips, positioned himself properly, and I braced myself. I knew what was happening now. I was about to lose my virginity. But not to just anyone. To Frank Iero, one person that had cared for me when he didn't even know me. Who saved my life and told me I was important when I meant nothing to him. He's my angel. Always.

"You ready?"

"Frankie?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

"I'm ready. I trust you."

"Okay, baby."

He pushed himself inside of me and then the rest of the intimacy and love was lost in the sheets, and all of it made up of nothing but beautiful love, passion and romance. And I shared this beautiful love with my true love. My one and only. My angel. And that's all I could ever ask for.

-

I laid curled up next to Frank's beautiful naked body, smiling. Smiling because for the first time since before I got kidnapped almost two months ago, I was genuinely happy. But this happiness was like no other I've experienced. This happiness contained love. I loved someone who truly loved me back. And I made love to someone that loved me just as much as I loved him. And it was everything I ever wanted.

Frank held me close. He had a coy smile playing about on his lips. I kept my arms wrapped around him, and we just laid like that for awhile. Not wanting to move or anything. We just wanted to lay next to each other. I looked up at him. He's so beautiful.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered. He looked down at me, where I was snuggling up beside him. I looked into his gorgeous hazel eyes and then he kissed me, and I practically melted into the kiss.

After he pulled away, he rubbed his nose against mine and I giggled, because this was just us. This was what we both have been wanting for awhile now. And all it took was one little note for him to come right over and make love to me. And I felt like this couldn't get better.

But it did.

"Not more beautiful than you, sugar," he purred, smiling so genuinely it was perfect. "I love you so much, and I have a question to ask, my love."

My love. I'm dying of happiness right now. You don't even know.

"Anything, angel," I smiled back, almost on the verge of tears because of how happy I was, and how perfect this was, and how beautiful he was. It couldn't get better, I swore.

Wait for it...

"Gerard Way, will you be my boyfriend?"

Oh my fucking god, this cannot be happening... It's all too perfect. And too real!

I kissed him and straddled him, wrapping my arms around his neck whilst he let his hands explore my back. I pulled away for a slight moment, smiling and crying and fucking dying because of how perfect this was.

"Yes," I whispered.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Always and forever I will love you."

"And always and forever I will love you more."

And we kissed again. And I knew this couldn't be more perfect. Just us together is perfect for me. Always. This Christmas will always be my favorite and it will always be the best. Nothing could ruin it.

"Gerard!!"

Except Mikey and Pete.

I broke the kiss and spun around, blushing like hell, and looked at them. The little motherfuckers were smirking like it was their job and they were getting paid to do it. They stood there with their arms crossed, just staring while my naked body (which was partially covered) straddled Frank's. Pete turned to Mikey and smirked at him.

"You owe me ten bucks," Pete laughed, holding out his hand while Mikey dug through his pockets. "Remember? You said if they had sex and or Gerard lost his virginity before this year was over, you'd give me ten bucks. Where's my money, Mikeyway?"

"I don't even have ten bucks," Mikey sighed, finally giving up on his empty pockets. He looked at Pete, who's smirk grew wider, if possible. Mikey just shook his head. "How about I repay you with a kiss?" Pete puckered his lips in response.

"Guys!" I yelled, embarrassed. Frank looked just as embarrassed as I did. Clearly, neither of us was wanting my little brother and his boyfriend in my bedroom while I was naked and straddling Frank, who also was naked. Neither of us expected it either. But here they stood, and here we were. "Get out! Can't you see I'm busy?! Go!"

They just giggled and walked out. And Frank and I just kissed again. Like nothing ever happened. Like this wasn't an awkward situation. Like I hadn't just lost my virginity earlier. We just kissed like we were made to do it. And with no more interruptions, we could just kiss. We could be naked and kiss all we wanted. That is, after we locked the door.

-

Lindsey's POV

"Lyn!" Ellie exclaimed, wrapping me in a tight hug. I smiled. "You said you needed to talk to me, right? Well, let's go outside."

After we made our way outside, I lit up a cigarette, leaning up against the wall.

"So I heard that missing boy, your friend," Ellie began, leaning up against the wall next to me. "His name's Gerard, right? Well I saw on the news that he'd been found and he's alive."

I nearly dropped my cigarette. I looked over at Ellie in shock. They found Gerard and he's okay? I was fathomless on how traumatized he must be, though. Probably a lot. So in retrospect, he's not okay. He's just alive. 

I finished my cigarette and stomped it out on the pavement. I turned to face Ellie, discarding Gerard from my mind almost entirely. I grasped her hands and looked deeply into her eyes. They were so beautiful. Like her.

"El," I whispered, not breaking eye contact. "About what I wanted to talk to you about... I want to ask you an important question or two." I tried to sound sweet, because I definitely was not breaking up with her. She's too good for that. And I didn't want her getting that impression.

"Okay," she whispered, pressing her soft lips against mine for a moment, before resting her forehead against mine. "You can ask me anything, Lyn. I love you so much."

"Will you runaway with me?"

She looked at me perplexedly, tilting her head to the side. "Right now?" She asked, giggling a little, perhaps thinking I was joking. I nodded. I wasn't joking. I wanted to runaway with her. "Oh. Well as much as I'd love to Lyn, I can't today. But maybe tomorrow night or something."

"Well I won't force you, but you can runaway with me anytime you want," I whispered. She nodded. "And moving onto question two. Since I don't have parents that really care about me, and I don't fucking care about our age, and since your mom likes me..."

"Spit it out, Lyn!" She giggled, watching as I nodded and then pulled something out of my pocket. She tilted her head again, perplexed. But her eyes grew wide when she realized what I was holding. "Oh my god..."

"Ellie, will you marry me? I know it's cheesy, and cliché, but I truly--"

"Yes!" She interrupted, crying tears of joy. I slid the ring on her finger and she just smiled wide. She threw her arms around my neck and pressed her lips against mine. I knew this was one of the happiest moments to come in our relationship, until the marriage, of course. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her back. Because I truly love her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Because screw the world.

-


	7. Gerard is naked this whole chapter

Gerard's POV 

"Frankie," I whispered, causing him to turn in my direction. "I forgot to give you your birthday presents... Fuck..."

We still were laying there; very naked, and cuddling. Frank only pulled me closer to him, if that was even possible.

"Mikey already gave them to me," he stated, looking down at me with those beautiful hazel orbs that I couldn't take my eyes off of. "He said they were from you, and he thought I should have them. And I really like them. Those gloves fit perfectly. And the shirt also fits quite nice and it rocks." Frank laughed at his own joke. "Thank you, Gerard. I really love them. You know me so well."

I blushed. "You're welcome, Frankie. And thanks for... y'know... being mine on Christmas. And for having sex with me."

"Well, now I'm yours forever." I giggled at this, as Frank grinned widely. Frank leaned in close to my ear. "We can do it again if you want. I want to."

I pulled him in to kiss my lips. Damn those soft lips of his that I have this thing with and I can't fucking get over.

"Yeah... I want to," I whispered, kissing Frank again. He straddled me, kissing from my lips to my neck, before he started sucking and making a mark which I'd have to do my best and wear a fucking scarf to hide. He started grinding his crotch against mine, and oh god.

"Frankie," I moaned, throwing my head back, giving him more access to my neck. "You know I have to- ah... hide these, right? Ah..." Frank nodded and smirked. "I thought so... Frankie... Oh..."

He left my neck and kissed his way down to below my belly button, which made me gasp and shudder slightly. Frank looked up at me.

"You okay, Gee?" He asked, pulling his lips away from my lower stomach. I simply nodded, but Frank sat up and cupped my face. "You don't look okay. You look nervous. But don't be okay? We already did this, so no need to be nervous about it, sugar." He pushed some of my hair out of my eyes.

"I'm okay, Frankie, I just... Your mouth was dangerously close to my crotch and I've never done that so... Yeah... I uh... Um... I'm just nervous. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, sugar. Trust me, you'll love it. It won't hurt, I promise, if that's what you're worried about. Just grab onto my hair or the sheets, okay?" He smiled and I nodded. He lowered himself to kiss my lower stomach again, and kissed. And he kissed lower, and lower, and lower, and lower, and...

Brendon's POV

I want to die: I have lost my one true love almost two months ago, and I've been crying pretty much ever since. I found the note he left for me the day he died. The one he left on the countertop, in case I came to find him.

'Bren,

If you're looking for me, I'm out with Gerard. Like I said before, I'm sorry. I want to talk to you and sort this mess out, because I love you, Brendon Urie. Even when you're being a stubborn pain in the ass. I love you always, just so you know, and if you don't love me, tell me. Don't ignore me. Don't pretend I don't exist because it only makes me not want to.

I'll be back later. When I come back, if this is still here, I'll know you hadn't come. It's okay if you don't wanna talk to me anymore though. I'll still love you until my breathing stops... forever. Probably even longer.

With love, Ryan.'

Until my breathing stops forever. Those words will haunt me forever, because I have fucked up so bad here. If I never would have ignored him, maybe he'd still be alive. And I fucking know who killed him. It must've been my now disowned brother. Not that I haven't disowned him before. 

I love Ryan. I miss Ryan. I'll miss him...

Until my breathing stops... forever.

-

I finally decided to leave the house for the first time since Ryan's funeral. That day was fucking painful. That day made me want to kill myself. It made me want to say, 'Ryan, wait for me' and shoot myself in the fucking brain, like he was shot. In the brain.

Brushing off that thought, I went to the cemetery. And I fell asleep.

(Brendon's dream\ flashback memory)

"Fucking Spencer..." I mumbled, following a path that lead somewhere through the woods. "How... What is he even doing with himself? How can he like that girl? She's a bitch. I... Dammit."

I walked until I came to a clearing. It was a nice little field or meadow or whatever. But I noticed someone there. Someone in the middle of the field. A boy.

A crying boy.

I walked over quietly, standing about 5 feet away. "U- um... Hello," I stuttered, looking down at the sad boy who looked up at me. What a cutie. "Are you okay?" He shook his head. "Can I ask why?"

"I- I like this boy..." He began, gazing at me for a moment, before I sat down. "A-and... He doesn't like me back. He's in love with some bitch and... It breaks my heart." Whoa. Creepy.

"I can relate," I sighed, looking at this sad boy once more, before turning my gaze to the sun setting in the horizon. "I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I like this boy who likes a bitch and it's irritating. Beyond belief." I looked at the sad boy again. "What's your name?"

"Why?"

I shrugged. "I just don't want to keep referring to you as 'the sad boy' in my head." I chuckled, not trying to upset him. He smiled sadly.

"It's Ryan. What's yours?"

"Brendon," I grinned, holding a hand out to shake his. "Brendon Urie. Everyone says I have a big forehead. Is this true, Ryan?" I don't have a big forehead at all. No matter what the cutie says, it's not true.

Not true.

"I'm Ryan Ross, and not really, I guess your forehead isn't THAT big," he giggled as I glared at him playfully. "Well, Brendon, nice to meet you." He shook my hand. He smiled at me, and I lit up a cigarette. He looked at me, perplexed.

"What?" I asked, taking a drag and not making eye contact.

"It's just... you're not even old enough. And the smoke kind of bothers me."

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry." I put out the cigarette. I looked at Ryan, and smiled apologetically. "Can I tell you something?" He nodded. "I think you're really fucking cute. A- and you... I know we just met but, for me, I swear to god this is- I don't even believe in this stuff but... I think it's l-love at first sight. F- for me." I blushed like a motherfucker.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "I guess the feeling is mutual, then," he blushed, tucking his shortish hair behind his ears. I just watched as he did so; is it fucking possible for someone to be that damn cute? "You know what I really like?" He asked. I shook my head, half hoping he'd say me, but yeah. I'm an idiot. "Watermelons."

Watermelons, eh? Heh heh heh. Maybe I'll find something watermelon scented and fucking wear it all the time and shit... Brilliant.

"Brendon?" Ryan said, nudging me. I just smiled and abandoned my thoughts on the watermelon thing. "You okay there?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I like watermelons too," I giggled, observing Ryan and all his cuteness. I bet he has a nice butt, too. "He wanna like... hang out sometime?"

"Well, of course," he answered, smiling. Fuck, that smile is amazing. "Same time tomorrow? Here?" I nodded. "Okay, see you then, Bren." Oh my god, he is an adorable little shit. I'm definitely showing up smelling like watermelons now.

(Gerard's POV)

Sex with Frank is fucking amazing. I want to do it everyday. I told him this, too.

"Okay, fine by me," he giggled, climbing out of bed and sliding some pants on. "Gerard, stop staring at my ass."

"You have a cute ass," I giggled, curling up underneath the blankets, being engulfed in warmth. "You're so beautiful, you know that? So fucking beautiful."

"You really think so?" He asked, looking through my drawers for one of my shirts to put on. "You should probably get dressed. Like seriously. What if your mom comes home? Tobias too? They'll instantly know we just had sex. And we did. Twice."

"Okay, but I want to take a shower..."

"Okay, go grab a shower and I'll be waiting right here."

"You didn't let me finish." Frank raised an eyebrow at this. "I wanna take a shower... With you." I tried to hide my blush, but I was failing miserably.

"You just wanna see my 'cute' ass again, don't you?" He asked, the corners of his mouth turning into a smirk. I blushed a little more, rolling my eyes and biting my lip. "Ah, anything for you, boyfriend." His smirk turned into a grin and I giggled. "I love you, Gerard."

"I love you more," I said, climbing out of the bed and walking over to Frank, wrapping my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, gently pushing me up against the wall.

"Oh my fucking god."

Oh my fucking god. And this is when I really fucking wish I would've put on some clothes when Frank told me to. I looked over to the one in the doorway, before muttering the simplest word.

"Mom..."

-


	8. Breaking Bad and gayness

"Gerard?!" Mom exclaimed, eyes widening. She stared at Frank and I, me, naked, pushed against the wall by a 'friend' that she met once, who was (thank god!) fully clothed. She just stood there, staring, blinking.

"Fuck my life," I mumbled, slamming my head against the wall, which resulted in an instant terrible fucking headache. I winced at the pain I just caused myself, you know, because like I'm an idiot. "Fuck my motherfucking life." I sighed.

"Oh my fucking God, Gerard!" Mom yelled, shaking her head furiously. "Put some damn clothes on, right now! We'll talk about this later!" And with that, she slammed the door. Frank looked over at me, chuckling and blushing. I playfully smacked his arm.

"You have a motherfucking deathwish, you ass," I giggled, not caring about the heaps of trouble I was probably in. I just cared about Frank, and if I got kicked out, he'd let me hide in his closet. Then I'd come back for Mikey and kidnap him and keep him with us. I told Frank this, and he laughed.

"That's a wonderful plan," he told me, shaking his head and giggling. "I told you to put on some clothes before someone else came home. I warned you. Now you're in trouble." I shrugged, and kissed Frank, before politely and gently pushing him away so I could dress myself.

"You're a killjoy," I stated, rummaging through my drawers for a tight pair of skinny jeans I knew I had and if Frank took them, I swore I would not hesitate to bitch slap the fuck out of him.

"Yes, but I am a fabulous killjoy," he said matter-of-factly. I just giggled and rolled my eyes. He wrapped his arms around my waist as I rummaged, kissing my neck and pressing himself into the back of my still naked body.

"Stop it," I giggled, pushing into the touch of his lips on my neck. Because, maybe I didn't want him to stop. Because, I mean, he's like, hella adorable, and irresistible and shit. I mean, like, damn. 

"What if I don't want to?" I felt him smirk against my skin. He knows how much shit I'm in already, and if Tobias fucking hears us, well, fucking, he'll kill me and Frank. No lie.

"Well, you have to because if you don't and Tobias--"

"He doesn't know I'm here, does he?"

"Well, no, but--"

"Shit, he'll kill you if he finds out I was here. My dad will flip out if he finds out I was here. I gotta go, babe." He quickly kissed my neck and quickly went to the window.

"Wait, you're gonna climb out the window? You do know this is the second floor, don't you?"

"Of course, but I don't want you to get beat for having me over. I don't want loving me to hurt you."

"Be careful, Frankie."

"Will do."

I quickly threw on some clothes and kissed Frank. He opened the window and put one leg through, then he other, then sat down on the sill, slowly sliding off the edge. He fell.

There was a snap.

I leaned out the window to find Frank on the ground, clutching his foot and muttering millions of profanities.

"Are you okay?!" I asked, leaning out the window a little more.

"Fuck! No! I'm not okay, I promise!"

"Fuck, what happened?"

"I think I broke my foot!" He snapped, irritated and clearly in pain and me, being an annoying little dick didn't even move yet. I finally ran downstairs and out of the house, around to the backyard and found Frank, still clutching his foot. I helped him up and together we stumbled, on our way to the hospital, where we'd spend the rest of Christmas day.

-

Pete's POV

"Pete," Mikey whispered, poking me in the arm. We were in the middle of watching Dawn of The Dead which was close to the end by like 5 minutes and we had just gotten done watching Jaws. Jaws is Mikey's favorite movie, yet he's scared of sharks and large open bodies of water. Oh, the irony. "Pete... Can we watch something else when this is over?"

We were at my house so we didn't have a lot to watch because we were always busy. Mom with work and I with school and Mikey.

"What about... Breaking Bad?" I asked, smirking. I wasn't sure if Mikey liked Breaking Bad that much since I made him watch so much of it with me. "Just a few more episodes, please? I like Breaking Bad."

"I guess," he sighed, turning back to the movie, which had just ended. I got up and put in Breaking Bad. It's hella fucking awesome owning the damn box set so you can just like, watch it whenever.

"Hey, Pete, I'm stealing the rest of your coca cola."

"Go ahead," I told him, sitting back down on the couch. As he took a sip, I place my hand on his thigh and quickly asked the question I'd been dying to know the answer to.

"Hey, Mikey, are we ever gonna have sex?"

He choked on the coke and started pounding on his chest. When he could finally breathe again, I noticed a blush creeping onto his face.

"Huh?" He spluttered, setting the can down on the table. I looked him in the eyes before pressing play on Breaking Bad. "What did you say?"

"I asked if we were ever gonna have sex," I repeated. Hahaha. Repeated. Repeted. That's hilarious. Really.

"Are we?" I pressed when he didn't say anything. I laid my hand on his thigh again. Mikey moved my hand off and turned to face me. I raised an eyebrow, then he placed his hand on my thigh. Then he slid it up ever so slowly until it was laying on my crotch.

"We could do it now," he said, squeezing just a little in a manner that made my eyes roll up into my head. "That is, if you want to. I'm ready, Pete. I want to have sex with you. Right now." He squeezed tighter.

"Really?" I moaned, grabbing onto the couch hella tight, and biting my lip so hard I was sure I drew blood. He moved his hand a little, rubbing me just a little, but just enough to drive me insane.

"Yeah." He squeezed again.

"Say no more!" I leaped up and grabbed Mikey by the hand and dragged him into my bedroom, pushing him down onto the bed and kissing the hell out of him. I grabbed his crotch and he let out a moan.

He started to pull at the hem of my shirt and I took it off in one sweep. I took his off as well, before fully climbing on top of him. I guess he was feeling extra daring, because as soon as I climbed on him, he flipped us over, and pinned me to the bed, eyes full of lust and passion. He planted a kiss on my lips before kissing all over my exposed chest.

His lips were warm, and I found myself melting into his touch. He kissed all the was down to my hipbones, not going any lower. I was getting so turned on, and I needed so desperately for him to touch me, I whined. I needed to be touched.

And he just looked at me with a killer smirk that said so clearly,

"Bitch, you are fucking mine."

And fuck, I was being fucking dominated by Mikey fuckin Way. Mikey fuckin Way, for crying out loud! The kid that was as skinny as a toothpick, yet I loved so much, was dominating me, Pete fucking Wentz! And I was letting him! Oh fuck, this is not okay! I'm supposed to be dominating him! 

But maybe, I didn't really mind it.

And eventually, we finally got undressed, and I found myself pinned down by Mikey Way, who just so happened to be inside of me. I was letting profanity after profanity slip my lips. Because well, I was sixteen years old getting fucked by a fifteen year old boy, who was doing a fantastic job for being a virgin, if I do say so myself, and hell yeah, it felt hella fucking good.

And maybe I should let Mikey do this more often.

-


	9. "Je t'aime, Gerard, just sleep."

Gerard's POV

Damn it, I hate hospitals. The doctors that just want to stick needles inside you and cut you open and give you nothing but bad fucking news.

Oh, and Linda's pissed at me now. Great. Fucking wonderful.

Well, once we finally got to leave (thank god!), I went to Frank's house with him. I stayed with him at the hospital the rest of Christmas day and missed Christmas dinner. We didn't even get to leave until like, midnight. Goddamn.

They gave Frank some crutches, because his foot was indeed, broken. No mistakes could've been made about that. Well, at least Frank gets out of school for a few days. But I'll miss him. I could've stayed, but I'm pretty sure mom told the cops and the school that I was found. I'm probably on the fucking news. Who knows?

I was laying in bed next to Frank, curling up beside him. His dad wasn't home but his mom was. I was grateful for that, because hell, if Frank's dad saw me with Frank, I'd die. No lie.

Maybe - no, Frank's definitely worth it all.

"Hey Frankie," I whispered into the quiet room. I was holding his hand, intertwining our fingers. I looked over at him; he was so beautiful. He was an angel. My angel. My angel.

And most definitely mine now. For sure.

I loved Frank with all my heart - no, with all my existence. He was the love of my existence and I was eternally grateful for him. I was eternally grateful to have found him, or rather, for him to have found me. I needed him the most in my life. He was the only one I could've pictured myself with. I mean, we'd only known each other 3 months, but our love was strong. We found love somehow, at some time. And that was the most beautiful thing in the universe.

"Yeah, baby?" He replied, staring at the ceiling in the dim light. He didn't look at me though. And he kept his voice low: barely more than a whisper.

"Je t'aime," I whispered. He then turned to look at me perplexedly, sitting up halfway and propping himself up on his elbow, tilting his head to the side. "It means 'I love you' in french," I clarified.

He nodded. "Je t'aime," he whispered back, pressing his lips to mine. I deepened the kiss, grabbing onto his shoulders as he half hovered above me, propping himself up with both of his elbows and using his hands to place them on my cheeks.

I knew we couldn't really have sex because of Frank's foot, but that didn't mean we couldn't make out a little. I slid my tongue into his mouth, exploring all I could. He did the same, sliding one of his hands down my chest.

We broke apart after that, just looking into each other's eyes.

We laid in silence after that, until I realized Frank fell asleep.

-

I left Frank's. I needed to go back home to let mom know where I was. It was fucking cold at 2AM. Thankfully, I had my hoodie. I was taking the shortcut to my house, which is through the woods, when I stopped. I heard something. Heavy breathing. I turned around to see no other that Bert McCracken. He looked like a total fucking maniac. Now that I mention him, I hadn't seen him in way over two months or more. But one thing caught my eye though.

Bert was clutching a knife.

"You... I hate you, Way..." He said in a devilish tone. My breath hitched. I watched as he slowly made his way closer to me. He stopped about ten feet away. He looked extremely evil. Especially at night. He kinda made me think of Satan. "You wanna know why, asshole? It's 'cause you took her. You stole Lindsey from me, you selfish little shit. And I fucking hate your guts. More than ever. And now, I think I kinda want to kill you. For real."

"Bert... Just stop... I didn't take Lindsey from you. She left you. I'm sorry, Bert, but she's a lesbian now. She has a girlfriend. I couldn't do anything about that, okay?" I tried to reason with him... I didn't want trouble. I was tired and I needed to go check on Mikey. I didn't have much far to walk... But Bert gave me this evil demonic glare. Then, in this murderous voice, he said,

"Liar."

I just stared. I was fucking scared to death. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak... I was all tense and I felt like my body locked itself up. I was fucking frozen. The next thing I knew, Bert yelled and then he tackled me. I tried my hardest to get the maniac off of me so I could run. But he wouldn't budge.

And before I knew what was going on, Bert was cutting into my stomach. Stabbing me. It fucking hurt like hell. I screamed out in agony. The pain was too much. I started to fall unconscious and closed my eyes when suddenly, all the pain stopped. Maybe I started to go numb. I guess he had stopped.

My eyes opened. I took a quick look around. It was dark. I could barely make out anything. Maybe I was dreaming after all. I briefly closed my eyes again. Then suddenly, I felt cold lips pressing against mine. They lingered for a moment, before they pulled away. I knew exactly who they belonged to. I opened my eyes to find no other than exactly who I was expecting.

My angel.

"Frankie," I gurgled. I could still barely move for some reason. So I just looked up at him. He looked like more of an angel now than ever. He was dressed in all white. He looked very beautiful. Well, more beautiful. And I swear to god, he looked like he was literally glowing. 

"Hello, Gerard," he smiled. He looked so relaxed. I just kept staring at him. God, he's so beautiful. Always. And right now he seems so... Flawless. I just wanted to kiss him again. I love him so much.

"I love you," I smiled back. He crouched beside me. Then he pushed a piece of hair out of my face. I just laid there. I could barely move at all. What the hell is going on with me?? "What are you doing here? How are you...? You're foot..." My head must be fucking with me.

"I love you, too," he replied. He kept staring into my eyes. He ignored my question, but I didn't care too much. And I was looking right back into his. This moment was so perfect. I tried to move and sit up, but I couldn't. I could barely move at all. I instantly was scared again.

"Frank...?" I whimpered. I didn't wanna cry, but for some reason, I couldn't help it. I could only move my arms and my head and my face. I wiped away my tears and continued to look into Frank's eyes. They were so pretty. Always so perfect. My tears kept slowly trickling out.

He looked deeper into my eyes. He got onto his knees and outstretched his hand slightly. I looked at him, puzzled. All he did was smile.

"Take my fucking hand and never be afraid again," he said softly. I didn't know how he was gonna manage to make me lose all of my fears or whatever he was planning, but I trusted Frank with every bit of my heart. I took ahold of his hand. He smiled again. He pulled me closer to him and he was holding me in his arms. "Je t'aime, remember?" I nodded.

"Now shut your eyes, and sleep. Just sleep," he whispered softly. He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes. I smiled to myself as I thought of all of my memories with Frank. When we first met, the first time we kissed, the first time we made love yesterday, everything. One memory lingered in my brain for a moment though. It was Christmas, yesterday, in fact. I was sure of that. When I wrote that note to Frank that all I wanted for Christmas was him... And then the kiss and love that followed later. He was just about to enter me, I remember, and then I told him I loved him. And then he told me he loved me. That was one of my greatest memories.

"Je t'aime, Gerard... Just sleep."

As I thought of all of these memories, I was drifting off into a deep sleep. One thing happened when I finally fell asleep though.

As Frank was holding me in his arms and I was finally drifting away...

For the first time in forever, I finally realized I wasn't afraid anymore.

...

And I opened my eyes.

-


	10. February

I opened my eyes...

My surroundings... I couldn't see them... Everything was bright...

Am I dead? Is this what happens when you die?

My surroundings started to slowly form. A faint beeping was the only noise. I opened and closed my eyes a few times.

The surroundings fully formed. They confirmed that I was indeed, not dead. I laid in a bed, not mine, not Frank's, not one I recognized, but a bed nonetheless. The beeping was coming from the machine beside me, monitoring my heart.

I've never liked hospitals. Ever.

I started to move a bit, which, to my surprise, didn't hurt me that much at all. But didn't Bert cut into me? Was that not why I was here?

I ringed a button for the nurse to ask what the hell I was doing here. The room was vacant, besides me being there of course. If I'm in the hospital, why am I alone?

Does anyone care about me anymore?

The nurse ran in, shouting to the doctor. "He's awake!" She cried, running over to me. The doctor was right behind her. "Oh my god, I'll go call his family." And with that she jogged out of the room.

"Hello there, Mr. Way," the doctor said, her voice sweet and sincere. "May I call you Gerard?" I nodded. "Do you know why you are here, Gerard?"

"No," I answered honestly, studying her and deciding I liked her. She was nice, after all. "Will you tell me? I thought I got cut up by my bully at school, but I feel no pain there. Can you please explain to me what's going on?"

"I will in a moment," she sighed, writing something down quickly and setting down her clipboard. "Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

I went on about how I left Frank's house and got cut up by Bert, and seeing Frank and falling asleep after that.

"Gerard, none of that was real, it was a dream," she sighed, taking ahold of my hand. "Honey, what happened was you tried to commit suicide and a young man, Frank, who was fifteen at the time, stopped you. He went to take you to the nurse and you just dropped in the hallway, falling unconscious. You got sent here and you were in a coma. That was September. It's February, Gerard."

What? No, she's trying to say the day I met Frank, I went into a fucking coma?! That can't be right!!! I was there, at the nurse's office! I got the stitches! Wait, does that mean Frank and I aren't together?? No, this is bullshit! All of it! I don't remember falling!  
And does that mean Ryan's not dead, if the load of bullshit she's trying to sell is true? Does that mean Frank doesn't love me? Pete and Mikey aren't together? What does it mean? Did I not get kidnapped? But I tried and I ran from them and then they caught me! I remember doing that! I felt that pain! I was there, running scared... I remember it all too well... It was fucking real! Oh my god, this can't be true. It can't. I won't let it. No. I remember it all too well for it not to be real. All too well. Fuck.

"That is not- you're lying," I accused, letting my tears fall from my eyes and yanking my hand away from hers. She was lying. She had to be. "The rest can't be a dream! It can't! I remember it all too well! It was real!" I began sobbing.

"It's okay, Gerard," she whispered soothingly in my ear, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder as I sobbed. "I'm so sorry. None of what you remember was real. It was all a dream. You've been in a coma for about six months. I'm sorry to have to tell you. The last part of your dream was probably enough to wake you up-"

"-Doctor, his family and friends are here," the nurse interrupted, peeking her head in and looking over at us. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Way..."

"Okay, let them in," the doctor ordered. The nurse took off. The doctor turned back to me, pushing my hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. "My name is Kitty, by the way. Just call me Dr. Kitty, okay?" I nodded, still trying to get over the fact that my life sucks again as well as the fact that everything good that happened, and all the friends I'd met, like Ray, were never my friends and none of it was true. It wasn't real.

And then I heard one voice that cheered me up just a little.

"Gerard!!"

"Mikey!" I cried out, catching my brother and hugging him. He clung to me like I was his lifeline, and I assumed had no intentions of letting me go. He was sobbing. "It's okay, Mikes..."

"Mikey, I told you to wait for-" I heard my mom begin to lecture him while she was down the hall. When she came in, she began to cry.

"Gerard!!" She screamed, running to me and hugging me so tight. I thought I was gonna suffocate, oh my god. "Gerard, honey, oh my god, I love you so much."

"I love you also!!" Mikey wept, curling up in my lap like a five year old when he was indeed, fifteen.

"I love you guys too," I choked out, hugging them back real tight. Mom moved a chair over and sat there while Mikey remained in my lap. "I... I'm so sorry guys... This was all my fault... If I hadn't tried to commit suicide..."

My mom shook her head. "All that matters is that you're okay," she whispered. I nodded, hugging Mikey again as more people entered the room.

There was Pete, Lindsey, Patrick, Alicia Simmons, some girl I didn't know, Brendon, Ryan, and Dallon. I recognized them even though I thought I knew them, but they didn't know me.

And lastly, Ray and Bob entered the room, followed by Frank, and Jamia. Damn it.

"Gerard, a lot has happened, and it's good to see you," Lindsey smiled, pulling the unknown girl closer to her and kissing her cheek. Ah, Ellie is real? That must be her then. I didn't think Lindsey Ballato would be gay for just anyone. But what about Bert? Ah, fuck that piece of shit ugly trash.

"Hi, my name's Alicia," Alicia (obviously) greeted me, waving and smiling a little. "I'm Mikey's girlfriend." Oh shit. I still waved back though.

"I'm Ray," Ray (obviously) beamed, waving too. It's good to know he's as friendly as he was in my dream. "And this is Bob. You remember Frank, don't you? I know you knew him..." I nodded, waving back.

"Hey, Gerard," Brendon called, not smiling like he usually was around that time. "I know you don't really like me, but I'm here... And these are Ryan, my boyfriend, and Dallon, our friend."

"I'm sorry I was mean to you, Brendon," I apologized, looking over at Brendon and gesturing for him to come over. When he did, I hugged him. "I don't hate you or anything, okay? Do you forgive me?"

"Of course," he beamed, hugging me back, before adding with a smirk, "doll face." I flicked him playfully in the back of the head.

Jamia introduced herself, and Frank walked over to me. "Hey buddy," he whispered, hugging me real tight. I hugged back, enjoying him far too much. "I'm glad you're finally awake. I told Jamia about what happened. And her, being my friend and all, wanted to come and meet you as soon as you were awake."

"He also came to me when he had problems with is now ex, Billie Joe," Jamia giggled, getting a roll of the eyes from Frank. "So now he's single and looking and he can't stop complaining about it." Frank blushed.

Jamia was actually a lot nicer than she was in my dream. This was odd as well.

"So, Patrick and I are dating, by the way," Pete announced at random, which made my heart sink. Especially when I saw the look on Mikey's face. I'm assuming he already knew, but was devastated. I knew how he felt about Pete. And I'm pretty sure Pete liked him back. Well, maybe used to. I don't know.

"And Mom broke up with Tobias," Mikey added, looking up at me while a grin spread across my face. "It's because he pushed me down the stairs." My jaw dropped.

"It's good to have you back, you know," Patrick said, coming over and patting the top of my head. Haha... Patrick patted my head. That's hilarious.

"And guess what? Bert's in jail," Lindsey announced, smirking like hell. I looked at her perplexedly, and she continued her story. "Well, I got mad at him and told my Mom about him hitting me and I told her that he raped me and she had him locked up." She shrugged. "I didn't stop her, either. Fuck that."

Everyone started laughing, and we all started chit chatting, all having separate conversations with others.

"Hey Frankie," I whispered, not looking down at him as he looked up at me, blushing at his nickname. I honestly forgot for a moment this was the Frank that didn't love me like my dream Frank did. "Thank you for saving me. If you didn't come after me, well, I'd be dead."

"Well, you're welcome, Gerard." He smiled at me and I looked down at him. He was laying by my side while I was sitting up. And Mikey had moved off my lap earlier to go talk to Alicia.

"Hey Frankie?"

"Yeah?"

"I... I think I'm-"

"-Everyone, visiting hours are over," the nurse announced, walking into the room. Everyone 'aww'd and some ended up walking out after they said goodbye. "I'm pretty sure the doctor might let him go home tomorrow."

"Well, I guess you can tell me tomorrow," Frank suggested, climbing off the bed and hugging me. I hugged back, not wanting him to leave. "I'll see you then, okay?" I nodded. "Okay. Bye, Gerard."

And he was gone too. But Mom and Mikey were the last to leave.

-


	11. Remember, turn your volume down when you decide to hide in someone's closet

Thank god I was able to leave that damn hospital finally.

Like I said, I hate hospitals. I hate those damn places with a burning passion, Jesus!

But luckily, I was able to leave the hellhole the day after I woke up from my coma. I had been noticing it was getting awfully close to Valentine's Day, and I remembered that Frank doesn't love me and I wanted to shoot myself in the brain. Isn't that just lovely to imagine?

I hate myself so much.

-

Thank fuck Frank lived where he did in my dream, man.

I threw some rocks at his window until he walked over, perplexed look upon his gorgeous and restless face. I waved, and he opened the window, smiling a little.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked, leaning out the window slightly. "It's a little late. And how the hell did you know where I live?" He chuckled a little. I shrugged, because if I'd told him, he would think I was mad as rabbits.

"Can I come up?" I asked suddenly, gaining a nod from him in response. I climbed up the tree and in through the window like I'd done it a million times before. Because I did. But not in reality.

"You know, you're brother was here earlier," Frank blurted out randomly, laying down on his bed like the night I was practically homeless and I climbed through his window late at night. But of course, that wasn't real. "I might have gave him some pretty bad advice." I shrugged it off, because yeah I'm an arsehole like that sometimes.

"Lindsey told me her and her girlfriend's wedding is in a few days," I said randomly, knowing that maybe it wasn't really my place to tell Frank, but really not caring because I'm an arsehole like that sometimes. "She wants me to go."

"Didn't you used to like her or something?" He inquired, gesturing for me to sit down next to him. "And isn't that why you...?" I nodded. "Thought so."

There was silence for a moment, but was broken by me.

"I really like you, you know," I uttered into the silent air, kind of regretting saying it after it left my lips. "That is, if you're like how you were in my dream, which I honestly don't doubt."

"I was in your dream?" He questioned, tilting his head to the side. I nodded, smiling a little as a blush crept it's way onto his cheeks, and surprisingly, mine too. "I was in your six month long dream?" I nodded again. "Cool."

And then there was that silence again.

"Hey Gerard?" Frank broke the silence, making my head turn over to him quickly. "C-can I ask you something?"

"Sure, why not?"

"When you first laid eyes on me when I first came to school, did you recognize me?"

Huh? What did he mean?

"What do you mean?"

"Did I look familiar at all, perhaps? Did you recognize me at all?"

Now that I think about it, he did look vaguely familiar, and I just shrugged it off as if it was nothing.

"Actually, yes. Why? Where did I know you from? I can't think of it..."

"Your old school. I used to go there too and we met briefly in the hall one time. I- I actually had a big fucking crush on you, if I'm honest..."

I think I just fell apart... From happiness, of course.

"Oh, you did?"

"Yeah... Your smile was cute. It still is. It was a rare thing to see, though. And you... You're just... Beautiful." He blushed fifty different shades of red, and he looked so fucking adorable with the way the was pathetically attempting to hide said blush which I happened to have found very cute. Frank was cute. He was still an angel. "I- I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said-"

"It's okay, don't be sorry. I happen to think that the way you blush is cute." He blushed more. "Can I ask you something though?" He nodded. "Do you still have a crush on me?" I found myself blushing too, but not quite as much as Frank.

"Maybe..."

And more silence engulfed the room like flames on something drenched in gasoline.

And maybe I wanted to kiss him right then and there, but maybe I just couldn't. Maybe I couldn't because I needed to wait to see how he really felt about me. If he kissed me right then, I wouldn't mind. But I couldn't kiss him. And perhaps I really wanted him to kiss me.

-

Mikey's POV

(Mikey's thoughts)

I can't fucking believe I listened to one fucking word that left Iero's lips. Honestly, this is just wrong. And really, Pete shouldn't have made me believe he liked me by kissing me once. That was wrong too, of course. But apparently, Patrick is the one he likes. Not me.

Isn't it messed up; how I'm just dying to be him?

And of course, thanks to Iero, I'm stuck watching them from the closet. Greatest idea ever, really. Fuck you, Iero, you asshole.

Haha, I could text Pete and be all like,

'Oh, don't mind me. I'm watching you two from the closet, wishing to be the friction in your jeans.'

I honestly doubt that'll go down well. But if we're all gonna go down, sugar we're goin down swinging.

I feel like a creepy stalker or some shit. I'm such a creeper, aren't I?

This is fucking weird...

Oh, and there goes Pete, moaning like the little slut I know he is. Like the little slut we all know he is. Thankfully, they're still somewhat clothed.

I'm gonna kill Iero next time I see his ass, because if it wasn't for his 'advice', I wouldn't be stuck in this awkward and creepy position. I really wouldn't.

I just can't look; it's killing me... And taking control.

Oh fuck, there goes Pete's jeans. Well, that text is damn well out of the question entirely, if it wasn't already, that is.

Oh shit, and down comes his boxers and I get a real nice view of that ass... Oh shit, I need to stop being creepy and stop watching.

It started out with a kiss. How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss.

Maybe I'll just play flappy bird. Yeah that sounds good. Or I could stare at Pete's ass again. That sounds good too.

I think I'll just settle for flappy bird.

Why the hell does my phone take forever to boot up? Like seriously. Wtf?

Oh shit, I forgot that the sound is up on full volume.

Why the fuck did I leave it on full volume?

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

That's a lot of crap to deal with haha... Fuck why did I laugh aloud?

Oh. Shit. Well, Pete's discovered I'm here now. And there goes the closet door flying open.

(End of Mikey's thoughts)

"Mikey, what the fuck?!" Pete exclaimed, looking down at my awkward figure sitting oddly in the closet. I bet from his view, I looked like a stalker.

"Pete, hey," I stammered, chuckling awkwardly and nervously as I pocketed my phone. I blushed when I looked up, because I met the gaze of a naked Pete Wentz, who was angry and sweaty and fucking hot. 

"Mikey, what the hell are you doing in my closet?" He asked, calming down just a little and blushing just the tiniest bit that was just cute.

"I umm... came over to surprise you before you got home, so I hid in your closet to jump out at you, but when you came up here, making out with Patrick, I didn't know what to do and I didn't want you to flip out on me." That was honestly pulled straight out of my ass for real.

Pete raised his eyebrows, turning around to look at Patrick, who was blushing furiously and covering himself with a sheet despite the fact that he was still wearing boxers.

"Oh, um," Pete began, not exactly looking like he knew what to do. "Sorry?" He chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry Mikeyway. Hey, did you get turned on?" And I think I could slap Pete Wentz right now.

"Pete," I began, knowing there was something I needed to ask and knowing I needed an answer. "Why did you kiss me?"

"Huh?" Really Pete? Don't act so innocent.

"Before. Why did you kiss me if you didn't like me? Because-"

"I um-"

"-you made me think about you a lot," I interrupted, to finish my sentence. "And when I found out you liked Patrick, it hurt. I really don't understand you Pete, goddamn you." I ran my hand through my hair. "You shouldn't have kissed me."

"Mikey I-" I just can't let him talk, really.

"You shouldn't have kissed me, Pete. You shouldn't have made me feel like this. Am I more than you bargained for yet? Is this more than you bargained for yet?" Now I just felt like being an arsehole.

"Mikey, shut the fuck up for five seconds and let me talk, will you?!" Okay, I'm listening. "Okay, Jesus! Mikey, I like you, but I didn't think you liked me and-"

"I don't," I interrupted, just like the arsehole I decided on being as of right at the moment. "I don't like you, Pete. Hell, I don't love you either. I'm just going to leave, so if you could be kind enough to remove yourself and your dick from the doorway, it would be kindly appreciated." I stood up.

Truth is, I'm really fucking head over heels for Pete motherfucking Wentz.

And Pete stayed quiet, moving out of my way so I could exit the closet. And I did, I left them two upstairs and decided to go meet up with a buddy of mine.

-

"Hey Mikey!" I heard him exclaim. I spun around to look at him and he hugged me like he always does.

"Hey Kellan," I choked out, because damn, I was practically being suffocated. Thankfully, he let go. He beamed at me. "Hey, could I get some of that stuff? You know..."

"Yeah, I'll get it for you right away, Mikes," Kellan giggled, pulling a small bag of cocaine out of his pocket. "Don't worry about paying me this time, but only because I love seeing your cute face." He winked at me.

Okay, so... I'm a bit of a coke addict... But it's Kel's fault, really.

Right after my birthday, he had gotten me drunk enough to try it. And I liked it. So it's his fault. Maybe he's a bit of a bad influence, but it's not like anyone really cares about me anymore anyway.

"Thanks Kel," I smiled, pocketing the coke and turning to walk off. He caught my arm and kissed my cheek, causing me to blush. "Okay, umm... bye." Then I had walked off.

-

Pete wouldn't stop calling my phone.

I ignored it at first, then I got tired and just muted the damn thing. I had far too much crack to even think... I drank a lot of booze too.

Mom and Gerard were out, so I figured nobody would care.

But Pete apparently does, for god only knows what reason.

I decided on just ignoring Pete all night, but eventually, I picked up the phone.

"What the fuck do you want?" My words were slurred, but hopefully he understood what the hell I yelled down the line.

"Mikey, are you okay? Why didn't you pick up before?" Goddamn Pete Wentz and his cute voice.

"I didn't want to, okay?" Does he not get it or something?

"Mikey, are you drunk?"

"So what if I am, Pete?"

"I'm outside. I'm coming inside right now." Fuck you, Pete Wentz. If I wasn't drunk or stoned, I'd probably have said fuck off.

And then he hung up. How rude.

And then he bolted into my bedroom, door swinging open and hitting the wall. "Mikey, look, I need to talk to you, okay?" Pete sighed, walking over and sitting on my bed.

I noticed his eyes fixated on the crack in the bag on the nightstand. "Are you on crack?" He asked suddenly, raising his eyebrows wildly. I nodded. "Fuck, Mikey... You're only fifteen!" I know how old I am, bitch.

"Pete, look, I just..." I began, but my words were slurred. I reckoned he had no idea what I was saying. Oh and Pete looked awfully sexy... That was distracting as well. That was distracting as hell. Hahaha. "Pete, you look sexy."

"Oh," he uttered, blushing a bright red color, which was hot as hell. "Thank you, Mikey. You look sexy too." No, I don't.

"Thanks Pete." I don't even know why I had let that come out of my mouth. "Mmm, I kind of want to kiss you." Ah, what the hell. I'm just talking out of my ass, probably.

"Then do it." Fuck Pete Wentz and his sexy voice and shit, fuck him.

"Only if I can fuck you." No! Fuck you, brain! My brain is stupid as fuck and my drunkenness is fucking with my brain to mouth filter, and it got confused! No, I don't want to fuck him.

"Oh, but it would be me fucking you, Mikeyway." Okay, maybe I wouldn't mind that.

Yes I would.

No I wouldn't.

Fuck it.

I pinned Pete down against the mattress, straddling him and kissing him. To my surprise, he kissed back. I let go of his wrists and he flipped us over that quick, straddling me, because in my drunken state, I might've fallen off the bed. And I think he realized that.

I slid my hands up his shirt, letting my cold fingers dance on his warm torso. He shivered under my touch, which made me smirk.

Pete removed his lips from mine and moved onto my neck, sucking and making me let out a small moan. I lifted Pete's shirt and he sat up to take it off all the way, before helping me take off mine.

He leaned down to kiss me again, trailing the fingers of one of his hands up and down, my leg to my stomach. Finally, he stopped and used the hand to unzip my pants, only to slide his hand into them to grab me. He was doing something, but I was too drunk to know exactly what it was he was doing. But it felt nice.

"Pete Wentz, I love your fucking hand," I moaned, running my hands up and down his exposed back. I felt him smirk against my neck that he happened to be sucking on. If mom saw the mark, I would fucking die. If I wasn't drunk, I would've told him to stop by now.

"I thought you didn't like me," he pointed out, lifting his head to speak, and with the killer smirk on his face, I knew that he knew I was a fucking liar.

"I lied."

"Of course you did, because you can't not like me." I could slap Pete Wentz... If I wasn't drunk, and if he didn't have his hand down my pants, that is.

"Shut up, slut."

And he did.

-


	12. Valentine's day

Gerard's POV

Valentine's day. I honestly don't understand it, really. Why do you have to show affection to your love on just one day? Why can't it be everyday? I mean, I know you wouldn't have the money to do something special everyday, but who said you even needed money? Even just a few kisses and a few 'I love you's should be okay. Or even just spending some time together.

But no, apparently it's just easier to show a bunch of love on one day of the year and just a few small, if that, signs of affection until the next February.

People are stupid.

And with Valentine's Day just creeping up on me, since it's like, the fucking thirteenth, it makes it hard to think because I know what I want to do then, well tomorrow. Fuck, now I sound like the rest of the world.

-

"Gerard, can I talk to you?" Frank asked, walking up to where I stood by my locker.

Frank and I hadn't said much since he confessed to having a crush on me. I debated on whether or not I should kiss him, but I decided not to. I want to wait. I want him to kiss me first, if I'm honest.

"Of course you can," I answered, closing my locker and waiting for him to speak. He didn't. "I'm listening." 

"Can we go somewhere more private?" He asked suddenly, looking around and finally just looking at me. I nodded. He took my hand and lead me into the bathroom. "Here should be okay. Okay, so... Gerard, I need to ask you a question."

"Okay, Frank," I smiled, trying to make him more comfortable. I don't think it worked, but he returned the smile, blushing a little. "Go on, Frankie. You can ask me anything."

"Do you have anything planned for tomorrow?" He asked, looking down at his feet and blushing harder. I wasn't expecting that, to be honest.

"I don't," I said, smiling just a little more and blushing too. Thank god Frank wasn't looking at me.

"If you do, that's okay and forget I said anything." Had he not heard me?

"I don't," I insisted.

"Oh, really?" He asked, perhaps a little too excitedly. He looked up at me the instant he heard the words that left my lips. "Okay... Cool."

"Why?" I asked, chuckling just a little at his excitement.

"I just wanted to know if you'd come over tomorrow. That's all."

I thought about it for a moment. "Okay."

"Really?" He looked up to me with wide eyes.

"Yeah," I confirmed, chuckling again. "Why not?"

"Cool."

-

"Gerard!" Mom called from downstairs. "Mikey! Come downstairs please! I need to talk to you two!"

"Alright!" I shouted, climbing off my bed, temporarily abandoning my sketch, and running downstairs. "Yeah?" I asked when I finally got downstairs. Mikey was already sitting and Mom gestured for me to sit too.

"Boys," she began, taking a seat in the armchair and clasping her hands together. "We're moving."

"What?" Mikey and I exclaimed in unison, looking over at each other worriedly. We looked back to her and she had a slight smirk on her face that instantly pissed me off.

"We're moving," she repeated, leaving me and Mikey to gape at her.

"Out of town?" I asked, fearing the answer 'yes'.

"No, silly," she giggled, probably amused by our expressions. "Out of the neighborhood. I already found a nice house, but you and Mikey will have to share a bedroom."

"Oh, okay," I sighed out in relief. There was no fucking way I am moving from Jersey. I can't leave a certain Frank Iero, whom I happen to be in love with, but nobody else needs to know that. "As long as we don't leave Jersey." Mom raised an eyebrow at me, smirking a little, I think just to piss me off.

"Why?" She asked, smirk increasing. Oh fuck off.

"Because I have good friends here, okay?"

"Whatever you say, Gerard." She giggled, gaining a giggle from Mikey too. What the hell are they thinking exactly?

I rolled my eyes at her and ran back upstairs to finish my sketch.

-

Tomorrow came sooner than I thought.

I told Mom about Frank wanting me to come over and she giggled, whispering something into Mikey's ear which made him giggle and smirk at me like the little shit he was. I just scowled and rolled my eyes like the little troll I wanted to be today.

"Honey," she began, looking at me seriously, but then giggling again. "You have to let me make you look good, you know. I won't let you walk out of this house in jeans and a T-shirt." Why?

"I don't need to look good, Mom," I insisted, but she only shook her head. "It's just Frank. He's my friend. I bet he doesn't care if I come over to hang out in jeans and a T-shirt."

"Sweetheart," she sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "Did you forget what day it is?" I looked at her, perplexed, and perhaps slightly irritated. "It's Valentine's Day, honey."

Oh shit.

How the fuck did I fucking forget?! Frank must've distracted me. Someone must've distracted me.

Wait, Frank asked me over and it's motherfucking Valentine's day. That really can only mean one thing.

Frank wants to make a move on me. He fucking wants me. Why? Maybe I'll never know. But how the fuck did I manage to forget? It baffles me.

"Oh," I said, not really sure if I was happy or scared or nervous or excited, so I'll just go with... The 'ah, screw it' attitude. "I forgot." I added honestly, because somehow I managed to fucking forget.

"Yeah, so you need to look good for Frank, because I think he likes you," she said, winking at me and causing a blush to hug my cheeks.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, so I guess make me look decent," I sighed out, not really wanting to trust my mother with this, but having no choice. "Just decent. I don't want to look too good. I want him to think I'm oblivious to his actions, okay? I want him to think I've forgotten what day it is, so maybe he'll think I'm not interested." I tried to pretend I didn't like him, but I doubt it was working.

"Oh shut up, you know you like him," Mikey smirked, clearly just wanting to irritate me today. Fuck you, Mikey.

"Oh fuck off," I scoffed, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms. Because, maybe I don't like when people can figure me out so easy, okay?

"Language," my mother warned, before turning and walking off, probably getting makeup or something or god knows what. Honestly, I think she thinks I'm a fucking girl.

"Yeah, language," Mikey mimicked, and it took all of my strength not to slap him in the face.

-

After Mom got me ready, she smiled and showed me my reflection. She styled my hair really nice.

She glanced at the clock, gasping. "It's almost three, you need to go," she said quickly, fixing my shirt and trying to make me look... Perfect?

She then practically shoved me out the door. "Have fun! Love you! Use condoms!" And then she slammed the door, leaving me there to gape at the closed door, blushing like hell. What exactly did she think we were gonna be doing, for real? And why was she okay with it??

I blinked before I walked over to Frank's house. Mom had offered to drive me, but I declined her offer. I wanted to take my time getting there, because okay, I was really fucking nervous, but probably because this is real. This isn't my dream where I have all this courage and confidence that fucking comes from god only knows where. Because I'm not a very confident. I'm not very courageous either.

When I finally got to his doorstep, I hesitated before knocking. I was really fucking nervous but I still wanted this. And as he opened the door, and I saw him, and how gorgeous he looked, I felt my heartbeat speed up so fast. It was pounding.

"Hey," he greeted me, smiling and beaming. He stepped aside and gestured for me to come inside. I obliged, looking around as I did so, trying to look as if I'd never seen the inside of his house outside his bedroom, which of course was just basically a lie, really. An unspoken one, but a lie nonetheless.

"You look nice," he commented, making me blush a little, because I care about Frank and everything he says.

"Thank you," I said, untucking my hair behind one of my ears to try and hide my blush, and failing miserably. "My Mom said I couldn't leave in a T-shirt and jeans, so I threw on this button down and some skinnies, because I love these skinny jeans, and luckily she didn't comment on it." Frank only chuckled at that.

"You can sit if you'd like," he said, walking over to the fridge and pulling out a can of Dr. Pepper. "Would you like one?" He asked, gesturing to the can. I nodded right away and he chuckled, pulling out another can.

He sat down beside me, opening the can and taking a sip. "We can watch a movie, if you want," he suggested, smiling a little. I nodded. He stood up, and made his way to the shelf of movies. "Anything specific?"

"I dunno," I sighed out, shrugging, even though I knew he couldn't see me. "What do you have?"

"Well, there's... Die Hard, my favorite, uhh... Jaws... Dawn of The Dead... The Nightmare Before Christmas... Corpse Bride-"

"Corpse Bride!" I exclaimed excitedly, jumping off the couch and joining Frank by the shelf. "It's one of my favorite movies." Frank just giggled. "Oh shut up and just put the damn thing in!"

-

We watched the entire movie, before getting up to get something to eat that Frank decided to cook. It was an early dinner, but a good one.

After we ate, we sat back down on the couch, not really saying much. The room was filled with silence.

"Gerard," Frank said, breaking the silence. I looked over at him, turning my whole body to face him. He didn't look at me. He blushed, before looking at me finally. "Gerard, I..."

He closed his eyes and leaned in, gaining a blush from me. His lips barely brushed mine, before he pulled away.

"I- I- I'm so sor-" I cut him off with a press of my lips against his.

He reciprocated the kiss almost immediately, tilting his head just a little to the side. I barely pulled my lips away, parting them slightly, before quickly pressing them against his again.

The kiss deepened more and more as we carried on. And eventually, Frank slipped his tongue into my mouth, and it went from an innocent kiss to a make out session, just like that. 

And Frank stopped long enough to stand up and drag me to his bedroom. And I didn't mind one bit, really.

Once inside his bedroom, Frank closed the door and pushed me down onto the bed, straddling me and pinning me down by my wrists, above my head. He kissed me, open mouthed, to allow his tongue inside of my mouth once again.

And really, I didn't care at all. He made me feel so good already, and I had no intentions on stopping, and neither did he, I think.

Frank then moved onto my neck, nibbling a little and sucking at the sensitive skin. I moaned, tilting my head back to give him more access.

Frank stopped, but only to sit up and remove his shirt. And then slowly, and so seductively, did he undo the buttons of my shirt. Once he got it fully unbuttoned, he slid it off of me and tossed it to the floor.

He then began kissing down my chest, slowly and sweetly. Then he finally went back to my neck, just kissing it. He placed his hand on my chest, slowly letting it drop to palm me through my jeans. I gasped at the touch, grabbing at the sheets.

"Mmm," I moaned, as he began lightly running his fingers over the denim. To say I was aroused would be an understatement.

He stopped after a moment, before he unzipped my jeans, which were now tighter than they had been when Frank kissed me on the couch. He slid his hand into my boxers and grabbed me. My breath hitched.

"Frankie," I gasped, clutching tightly onto his shoulders. "Frank."

"Yeah?" He answered, just stroking me gently as he spoke, which caused me to release a moan from my lips.

And fuck, I was so turned on by this boy that I didn't even know what I was saying next until it was too late.

"Fuck me."

And that quick, he removed his hand from my pants, as well as my pants and my boxers, and then he rid himself of his as well. He climbed in between my legs, which he had spread apart just moments before. I closed my eyes as he got himself ready. And then it hit me.

I was losing my virginity. Right here, right now. 

Virginity can suck my ass.

Goodbye virginity, nice knowing you. Well not really. Fuck off.

My eyes snapped open and I let a soft 'ah' tumble from my lips as he slipped a finger inside of me. It felt... Pretty. Odd. I must say. Then he slipped another one in and I gasped at the immediate stab of pain.

"Are you okay?" He asked, partially distracting me for a moment as he stretched me.

"Yes," I responded quickly. Almost too quickly actually. Quick enough to be kind of suspicious. But he only shrugged it off.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

He then removed his fingers, only to quickly replace them with something much, much larger, which only caused me more pain and discomfort, and making me let out a yelp. Thank god his parents weren't home.

Frank looked at me, face laced with panic. I smiled to let him know I was okay. Then he pushed all the way inside of me, making me groan loudly. It fucking hurt, if I'm honest. He then pressed a sweet kiss to my lips, not really moving that much, just laying flush against me. Then he started to pull out, but just barely.

"Oh my god," he moaned, and stopped moving. He gently pushed all the way in me again, making me gasp and I wrapped my legs around his waist. "Are you okay, Gerard?" He asked, not moving again. I nodded.

He started to pull out and push in, slowly and gently at first, and barely pulling out. Once he started to speed up slightly, he pulled out further, and thrust into me harder, going deeper inside of me.

My pain and discomfort subsided eventually, which was very fortunate for me, because if it kept hurting, I would've backed out.

He slid his hand down to touch me, which was making my head explode. He stroked me just like earlier, and I swear to god, Frank is either super fucking amazing at this, or I'm just a super fucking virgin.

"Oh my god!" I cried out as I believe Frank hit a spot inside of me, making my back arch up, and making my grip on the sheets tighter. I don't know what the fuck he even did, really, I just know that it felt fucking fabulous.

"You okay?" He panicked, stopping everything he was doing. I opened my eyes to see his panicked expression, which was quite confusing, because I was feeling beyond pleasure.

"I'm fucking fabulous," I giggled, making Frank chuckle nervously. "Oh please don't stop... And please do whatever the fuck you did again."

"Okay," he said, nodding. And he picked up where he left off, except he took his hand off of me, probably assuming I was close, and I was, being a virgin and all. Well, ex virgin I suppose? Is that even a thing?

Screw it, I'm making it a thing.

We carried on for a little longer, before I lost it, creating a mess neither of us really wanted to clean, but would clean regardless. And I guess the way I must've looked finished Frank off, because he ended up collapsing on top of me, panting, and then he pulled out of me, climbing off the bed and exiting the room for a moment, leaving me there with the sticky mess I created on my stomach. He uttered my name as he came, and he made the way he explicitly said my name, beautiful. He made the moment explicitly beautiful. Holy fuck I love him to the ends of the universe.

Frank came back with a towel, handing it to me. I cleaned myself off, before getting up and starting to get dressed. Frank started to redress too, quickly, if I must add.

"My parents will be home soon," Frank said, pulling a shirt over his head. "That's why I'm trying to hurry," he clarified, chuckling. I chuckled too.

We both hurried up and got dressed, ran out into the living room and sat on the couch. We talked for a little bit, before his parents came home.

"Frankie, who's this?" Linda asked, raising an eyebrow at me suspiciously.

His father didn't look like an asshole like he did in my dream. That was another thing that was different.

"My boyfriend," Frank answered immediately, taking my hand in his and blushing a lot. I blushed a lot, too, though. "Isn't that right, Gerard?" He looked into my eyes.

Is that him asking me to be his boyfriend? Because if it is like I think it is, then hell to the yeah!!

"Yes," I answered immediately, smiling as I did so. Frank nodded, returning the smile. "My name is Gerard."

"Well, nice to meet you, Gerard," Frank's father said, smiling and wrapping an arm around his wife. I nodded, smiling. He's taking it very well. Maybe he's not homophobic after all.

"Gee, do you want me to walk you home?" Frank asked, squeezing my hand just a little. I nodded, and he nodded back. "Okay, well then let's go before it gets dark. It's like 6:15 so let's go." He got up off the couch.

-

We left the house, and were getting close to mine. The entire walk was full of silence; every time we looked at each other, we just blushed and looked away.

When we arrived at my doorstep, I turned to Frank.

"Goodnight, boyfriend," I giggled, kissing Frank's lips. "Happy Valentine's day."

"Goodnight, boyfriend," he mimicked as we pulled apart. "Happy Valentine's day."

I watched as he walked off, before making my way inside and coping the door. I leaned against it.

"I love you," I breathed out into the empty room.

If only I could say it to his face.

-


	13. Stop

Moving was rather difficult, since nobody wanted to pack and shit.

February 14th seemed like a million years ago, but in reality it was only three weeks ago. So, March 7th. (a/n Lol that's my bro's birthday)

And Frank and I haven't told anyone else, not even Mikey. We swore to keep our relationship a secret, which I don't understand why. I wouldn't mind getting punched in the face or called a 'fag' if it's for my Frankie.

I'd die for him.

And mom got a new fucking boyfriend. That's great.

But the dude doesn't want to come and meet us for some reason. Which is good. I hope he stays away.

And Mikey's dating Pete, who's still dating Patrick, I believe. Patrick doesn't know though, but I guess I'll have to tell him. He's my friend too.

-

Frank placed a sweet kiss to my lips, making me grin widely.

We were in the back row of the movie theater so no one could see us, but there was not anyone there anyway. I guess everyone wanted to see it in 3D. 

"Hey Gee," Frank smiled, picking at his jeans a little with one hand. The other, he placed on my knee. I looked over to him. "Do you wanna...?"

I blinked, staring at Frank with wide eyes and a blush that screamed 'oh dear god why do I love this weirdo?' And I wasn't quite sure on what to say.

"Do I wanna what?" I asked, playing innocent. Frank just laughed at me, shaking his head. "What?"

"You look really sexy," Frank purred, sliding his hand up to my thigh, making my breath hitch. He leaned over and placed a kiss on my neck. "So... Do you...?"

"Not here," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Frank sighed too. "W- we can't do it here. It's too public and we could get in a load of fucking trouble. And we don't even have anything we need."

"Then where?" He asked, standing up and yanking me out of my seat. He dragged me out of the theater and outside. "There must be somewhere we can go..."

I'd then remembered what Brendon had said to me before, in my dream, about the field and how Frank and I could go there and fuck when we wanted to, as long as they weren't there, of course.

I texted Brendon really quick to see if he was there.

Me: Bren are you and Ryan at the field?

Bren: no why? And how did you know about that?

Me: never mind that. I just wanted to know if I could take Frank there...

Bren: oh I see. Okay. That's fine. ;)

Me: thnks Bren.

I pocketed my phone and grabbed Frank by his wrist, dragging him to the woods.

"Where are we going?" He asked, but then I stopped outside a drugstore. I looked around and saw a familiar face, so I pulled out some money and handed it to Frank. "What's this for?"

"Go get us the things we need," I told him, walking to the side of the building. "I'll be right back. Just give me a minute." He nodded and went inside.

Once I turned the corner I saw Patrick. "Patrick, I'm so glad I found you," I said, sighing out of relief. "I need to tell you something." Mikey and Pete will hate me for this.

"What?" He asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. I didn't know he smoked.

"Pete's cheating on you," I blurted out, watching as Patrick's jaw dropped and he dropped his cigarette. "With my brother, who's cheating on Alicia." Patrick stomped out his cigarette, which was a total waste, but whatever. "I'm so sorry," I added, because I really was sorry for him, and Mikey and Pete both need to get their asses kicked.

"I can't believe it," he breathed, blinking rapidly and staring off into space. "I need to confront him."

"Punch that little punk ass mofo in the eye," I told him, chuckling a little, which made Patrick smile a little. "He's a slut, he deserves it." He nodded. I watched as he walked off.

Frank came out of the store with everything we needed. I grabbed him by the wrist and we ran in the direction of the woods.

-

Once we reached the field, Frank grinned. "How did you know about this place?" He asked, sitting down in the middle of the field. "It's so cool."

"Brendon told me," I half lied, because if I were to tell him I dreamt about it, he might think I'm insane. "He said we... We could fuck here anytime we wanted and-"

Frank cut me off with a kiss to my lips, making me fall down into the grass. I giggled a little, gripping onto Frank's shirt and pulling him closer, if it was even possible.

He kissed my neck gently and softly, straddling me a little. I released my grip on Frank's shirt and tilted my head back so he could reach more of my neck.

He took off my shirt, before leaning back down to kiss my neck again. He kissed my neck softly again, making his way down to my collarbone. He kissed my collarbone a bit harder, before he began kissing down my chest.

"Frank," I said softly, grabbing ahold of his shoulder. "Let's put the blanket down and lay on it. The grass is tickling my back." Frank giggled, then got off of me. I stood up and waited for him to put the blanket down.

"There," he said, standing back up. I sat down on the blanket, only for Frank to straddle my thighs and push me down. He pinned my wrists over my head.

"God, you're so pretty..." He mumbled, kissing my chest again, working his way up to my neck again. He barely brushed his lips against my neck before sitting up and taking off his shirt and discarding it. He tried to lean back down, but I stopped him with my hands. 

I ran my hands up his torso, making him scoot forward some so he was straddling my hips. He then grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head again. He kept them in one hand as he ran the other one down my torso.

He kissed my lips, roughly, but passionately. He licked my bottom lip and I parted my lips, letting his tongue in to invade my mouth. After a minute or so, he pulled away, latching onto my neck and kissing some more. Then he began sucking. I moaned.

"M- more," I begged, feeling him smirk against my skin. He let his free hand slide down my torso and down to my thigh. Then, ever so slowly, he slid his hand up to my crotch, palming me through my jeans. I gasped at the touch, but then it quickly turned into a moan.

He sat up once more. "You like that, do you?" He asked, smirk still in tact on his face. I nodded quickly, bucking my hips upwards into his touch, which only make his smirk grow wider.

"More, please," I begged, bucking my hips up again.

"I love seeing you like this; all needy and desperate, and begging," Frank declared, undoing my belt and unzipping my pants, then sliding his hand inside of them and my boxers, letting it be skin on skin. I moaned loudly.

"Oh honey," Frank began, stroking me and watching my expression change as he did so. "We haven't even started much at all yet. How much do you want me?"

"I want you so much," I moaned, bucking my hips up once more, still not able to do anything with my hands, via Frank. "My god, I want you... I need you so much right now... Please, Frank... Please."

"Please what?" I really wanted to slap him for that, but I threw that thought right out the window. A, because I was way too aroused, B, because Frank had his fucking hand around me, and C, he had my wrists pinned down.

"Please... Fuck me," I moaned. I sounded whorish, dirty, and fucking needy, but I honestly didn't care one bit. Frank smirked again, before letting go of me and sliding my pants and boxers off, then his own.

"Okay, now was that so hard?" He asked, pushing my legs apart and bending them. He then got himself ready.

"No, unlike me," I whined, making Frank chuckle a little. I watched as he crawled in between my legs. "It's fucking throbbing so hard my head hurts."

"I know," he said, lining himself up and pushing in just a little. I cried out loudly, grabbing onto the blanket. "What?" There was panic in his voice.

"Y- you forgot to stretch me," I choked out, breathing heavily through the pain, and he wasn't even really inside of me yet. How pathetic am I?

"Oh!" He exclaimed, smiling at me apologetically. He began to pull out of me, but I grabbed his wrist, trying to indicate for him to stop. He did, looking at me perplexedly.

"Just go," I told him, taking a deep breath. "It'll be okay." He nodded, before slowly pushing all the way in. I groaned loudly as he did so.

"Are you okay?" He asked, not moving yet. I nodded, exhaling. He nodded too, before kissing my lips gently.

-

I laid next to Frank, all curled up into a ball. We didn't have another blanket, so we had to redress ourselves almost directly after.

"Frank," I said, sitting up and looking a him. He looked so peaceful; eyes closed, small smile on his face. He looked happy.

He cracked open one eye. "Can I talk to you?" I then asked, which made him sit up and look at me, still smiling just a little.

"Sure," he said, brushing hair out of his face. He looked so pretty right now, and I can do it. I can do it. "What's up?"

"Frank," I began, gulping and looking down at my fingers. I then raised my gaze to meet his. My heart was beating so hard. I can do it. I can tell him. "Frank, I... I..."

He looked at me, smiling still, just a little. For fuck's sake, I can fucking do this! I did it in my dream! I can do it now! 

"I love you."

Frank's jaw dropped. He looked utterly speechless. "I..." Was all he managed to say. I looked away. This was a bad idea.

"You don't love me," I said for him, before getting up and looking off in the direction of home. "I... I understand, I guess."

"Gerard, I-"

"Drop it, Frank," I interrupted, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "I said I understand. You don't love me. That's fine. I got it. Just leave it, okay?"

"But Gerard, I-"

"Fucking leave it!" I snapped, tears spilling from my eyes. Frank stood up, and began to wrap his arms around me, but I pushed him away. "Just... Don't."

"Gerard, please listen to me," he began, but I wasn't having any of it. It was just gonna be another bullshit excuse or lie or something and I'm done with that shit.

I shook my head. "Don't say anything. I know you don't love me. I know. I know things, remember? You don't love me, you don't even want me, do you? Don't say that you do, because I know better. Just leave it alone. It only makes it harder for me." I was about to breakdown and sob any moment.

"But, fuck, Gerard, just-"

"Stop, Frank!" I sobbed, taking off into the woods. I just ran away.

Frank doesn't love me, and that's killing me inside. Frank is the only thing that I really live for anymore. Even Mikey could care less if I died. I know it. I know things, and I fucking wish I didn't. I know better than to believe otherwise.

I ran home. It was the only thing I could do. No one was home, so I just locked myself in my bedroom. No one could bother me there. But fuck, I forgot this was Mikey's room too. Goddamn it.

I instead locked myself in the bathroom. We had two, so honestly, they didn't even need to bother me at all. They could use the other bathroom.

I fucking hate myself. I'll always fucking hate myself. Always.

And I hate myself even more for letting myself fall in love with Frank when HE DOESN'T FUCKING LOVE ME. He never will.

I might not even give him the chance to.

-


	14. You can run away with me, anytime you want

No matter who called me or knocked on my door, I didn't answer. I'd ignore my calls and when someone knocked, I'd only slide o paper under the door that read 'leave me alone'. 

Nobody seemed to get it.

They all kept asking what was wrong. But each time, they received no answer. No explanation. No excuse.

And it's been two weeks, and I've been in here. I hadn't eaten much, just a little here and there every time I was home alone. I didn't even go to hell. And by hell, I mean school.

Every time Frank would call or text, my heart would break just a little more, and I'd sob my eyes out all over again. It was painful. Dealing with a person you love, and they don't feel the same, yet they still kind of care enough to know whether you're alive or dead. Or perhaps they don't. Perhaps they only care if you're still available to be used by them.

Perhaps they truly do care.

But not in my case. Oh no. No no no. Not in my case. Not at all.

Oh, and, through the door, of course, Mikey told me Patrick broke it off with Pete, and that Patrick punched them both in the eye, saying that he was glad that I told him Pete was cheating. And that made me feel even shittier, but whatever.

And I'm pretty sure Mikey won't care now, if I killed myself, I mean.

And over the past two weeks, I've thought a lot about suicide. I thought about it everyday. And how no one will miss me, because nobody cares, honsetly. And how no one would ever love me the way I love Frank, so it'd be better to end it all sooner. Because, well, it would.

-

There was a light knock on the door. I lifted my head up and looked at it. I then hauled myself out of the bathtub and I walked over to the door.

"Gerard?" They asked, the voice belonging to Ray. I sighed and wrote another 'leave me alone' note and slid it under the door.

Ray didn't seem to take that for an answer. "Gerard, please tell us what's going on?" He pleaded, sighing audibly. Us?

I slid another note under the door asking that question.

"Yeah," he said, obviously disappointed I didn't actually speak. "Me, Bren, Pete, Mikey, Ryan, your mom, Frank, Lindsey, Patrick... We all want to know what's up with you. We're all here. The others are in the living room. So will you please come out?"

No. I won't. I can't. I can't face him. I'm too scared, too weak.

I slid another note under the door that read 'no. I can't. I'm sorry'.

Ray sighed and walked off.

This is fucking it. I can't take this anymore. I'm causing everyone to get all upset.

I'm fucking done.

-

I checked the date and time on my phone: March 22nd, 1:27PM.

I sighed.

Everyone was still here. No one left. I heard them all talking. No one sounded happy and I was the cause of that. I made everyone unhappy. I could hear whenever Frank sobbed, which broke my heart. I could hear when Ray sighed and told Frank not to talk to me yet, or when Mikey banged his head against the wall and Pete had to stop him.

I could hear how unhappy they were, by their tone or their actions. I could hear it all.

And that's why I chose to do it.

I had to. Whoever was upset about it, would get over it. But I honestly knew nobody would be upset. Maybe mom, or Frank, perhaps even Mikey. But no one else. As it is, I doubt they will even care.

And then it became easy to make up my mind.

I turned on the water in the tub, drawing myself a bath. I heard footsteps approaching the door; not one person, but multiple.

"Gerard?" Frank called, his voice cracking, as if he'd been crying. I chose not to answer him. This was it. I needed to focus.

I stripped my sickly skinny body of all my clothes, then took a moment to look at myself in the mirror: I looked dead. But that's what I was going to be, wasn't it? The way I looked was actually fitting.

I then shut off the water. I began to write a note as I heard several people call my name, and I heard several sobs too.

I wrote two separate notes: one for Frank, and one for everyone else. I know that seems a little selfish, I guess, but selfish was what I was being anyway.

'Well, I know you would expect me to write something like, "I'm sorry", but I'm not writing that. Because I'm not sorry. Not one bit. I know none of you will miss me anyway. I'm a waste of skin. All of you know it. I don't deserve to live. It's true.  
To mom, you'll move on eventually. You're strong. You'll get over it. I promise. To Mikey, I know you'll get through it too. I know you hate me, so I'm sorry. To everyone else, on the off chance you do miss me, well then I guess I'm sorry. You guys will get over it.   
So I guess this is goodbye then.

Xoxo g'

And then I slid it aside. I began writing Frank's when there was a knock on the door. I wrote on a piece of paper and slid it under the door. The paper read 'what?'

"Gerard, are you okay in there?" Mikey asked, and I could tell he was on the verge of tears. I sighed. I then slid another piece of paper under the door. It read 'I'm fine. I'm just about to take a bath. Why?'

"N- no reason," he replied, and then I heard footsteps walking away. I assumed they were his.

"Gerard, please talk to me," Frank cried, and then I heard some sobbing. It made my heart ache and then I remembered who make him cry like that. And I remembered the task at hand.

I wrote another note, sliding it under the door. It read 'I'm fine if that's what you're worried about. Please let me take my bath.' 

"Will you come out after?" He asked, sniffling. Tears started to spill out of my eyes. I wrote another note. And again, I slid it under the door. It read 'maybe'. It was a lie.

"Okay," he said, and then I heard all of them walk away.

I was crying so hard, trying to fight back the sobs. I managed to finish the letter.

'Frank,

I don't know what to say to you. I'm sorry just isn't good enough. Don't think this is because of you, because it's really not. It's me. I just don't want to live anymore. You were the only reason I was staying alive. And when I found out you didn't love me, well, it hurt. But I understood why. Just look at me. If I can't even love myself, how can others love me? If I hate myself, that's saying something.  
But anyway... Please don't be stupid like me. Please promise me you'll keep on living. I was too afraid to. So go through life and say, "I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone". And you'll make it. You'll carry on.  
Promise me you won't harm yourself. Promise me.  
Try to forget about me, please. We'll meet again long in the future, after you have lived your life. But even if you can't forget, try to push me to the back of your mind. Don't try to think about me. It'll only make things worse.  
I know you care about me, or at least I'd like to believe that. I'm not that stubborn, to think you don't care, I mean.  
I never thought my last night on earth would be in a bathroom when I was seventeen. But actually, maybe I did think that it would be. That day we met.  
I want you to love someone as much as I loved you. I want you to have a family and fall in love with someone. I want you to get married and have a long, happy life. All I want is for you to be happy, and I know this isn't helping, but after this is over, I mean.  
I'm very sorry that I'm putting you through this, but I'm glad that you don't have to deal with me anymore. You don't need that.  
I love you, Frank. I think I've loved you for a long while. Maybe since we met. Maybe after.  
But I love you. I promise that even death won't change that. I'll always love you. I'll be in your heart, in your dreams.  
So whenever it gets rough and you need me, if it ever gets to be too much, go to sleep. In your dreams, you can run away with me, anytime you want.

I love you.  
Xoxo Gerard'

I put the letter on the countertop with the first one. I had accidentally let my teardrops fall onto the paper, but I honestly didn't care.

I walked over to the mirror, well, the medicine cabinet. I opened it and pulled out some pills. I then pulled a razorblade out of one of the drawers. I had hidden it in there awhile back. Then I climbed into the tub.

I began quietly sobbing in the tub. This is it for me. This is the end. I swallowed a handful of pills and then put the razorblade to my wrist.

I cut deep, slicing into my skin vertically on my forearm. Blood started to pour as I kept sobbing and sobbing. I then moved to the other arm, but my vision was getting blurry and I was dizzy.

I dropped the blade in the water, losing control of my arms. I was still sobbing so hard, but so softly, so no one would hear me. I began thinking about Frank. About Valentine's day, when we kissed. I thought about how much I loved him.

I love him. I love Frank Iero, and I wouldn't change that for the world.

I love Frank Iero, My Angel.

-


	15. My Angel

Frank's POV

"Guys, we need to get him out of the bathroom," Brendon sighed, putting a cigarette to his lips. Ryan hadn't bugged him about it yet, but that's probably because Brendon's stressed out. "We need to get him to talk."

"Does anyone know why he's upset?" Pete asked, sighing out and taking a sip of his water. 

"It's because he said that he loved me and I got shocked," I piped up, all eyes on me now. "He thought I didn't love him, and he wouldn't let me say anything once I was out of shock. I do love him. He just wouldn't give me a chance."

"My god, I just wish he wasn't so stubborn," Patrick sighed, grabbing his phone and checking the time.

"Yeah," Mikey agreed, cuddling up next to Pete. His black eye had already faded, but I think Patrick was considering giving him another one for rubbing it in Patrick's face that he has Pete and Patrick doesn't.

"How long has he been in there again?" Bob chimed in, surprising everyone, because Bob is usually quiet. I checked the date on my phone: March 22nd.

"Fifteen days," I answered, remembering it like it was yesterday. I stared at the background on my phone: Gerard and I, a collage of us. There was pictures of us kissing, smiling, hugging, everything. I sighed and pocketed my phone.

"Oh," Bob said, picking up his phone and doing something.

"It's my fault he won't come out," I sobbed, breaking down again. Ray came over to me and hugged me tight, comforting me. It felt nice.

"No it isn't," Ray sighed, rubbing small circles on my back. "Don't blame yourself, Frankie, okay? It's not your fault."

"He probably hates me now!" I cried, curling up next to Ray. I sobbed into his chest for about five minutes, before Bob spoke up.

"Well, you love him, right?" Bob asked, putting away his phone. I nodded, looking at him like everything he was saying was gospel.  
"Then go tell him. Prove it to him."

Why the fuck haven't I thought of that?! I nodded quickly before jumping up and running to the bathroom door. I knocked lightly on it.

"Gerard," I said, sniffling a little. I wiped away my tears and knocked again. "Gerard, I- I wanted to tell you that... That I love you."

Silence. No note either.

"Gerard, please talk to me?" I tried again, knocking on the door once more. "Please? I love you. Please let me in."

It then clicked in my head. I could pick the fucking lock!

I ran back out into the living room, walking over to Lindsey. "Let me see your Bobbi pin," I said, holding out my hand. She looked at me, confused. "Just do it, please." She took it out of her hair and handed it to me. "Thank you."

I ran back to the bathroom, sticking the pin in the lock. I fucked around with it until I finally got it unlocked. I opened the door.

...

Oh my god.

I didn't expect to see what was before my eyes:

Gerard, pale as a ghost, lifeless, cold and stiff looking. Blood in the bathtub. Empty pill bottle on the floor beside the tub. Paper on the countertop.

I stood there in shock for a moment, looking at the scene. Tears began rolling down my cheeks.

I ran over to him, pulling him up a little, and I leaning into the tub, clutching his cold, skinny, lifeless body. I began to sob hard.

I petted his hair, sobbing into his neck. I sobbed loudly, causing someone to call my name. I didn't respond to them. I only held Gerard, my dead boyfriend. 

"Frank?" I heard someone call again, the voice belonging to Ray. I ignored him. I only focused on Gerard. "Frank, what's going-" And then he was in the doorway. "Oh my god. Donna!!"

Donna bolted into the bathroom as if her life depended on it, perhaps thinking Gerard had finally spoken. Sadly though, that was not the case, at all.

"OH MY GOD!!" She sobbed, dropping to her knees on the floor. The rest then ran into the hallway, and some ran into the bathroom. One of them were Mikey.

"GERARD!!!" Mikey screamed, with Pete holding him back. Mikey's screams became sobs against Pete's chest. Everyone was crying. I only held Gerard and let the rest of them cry or whatever the fuck they did.

Patrick pulled out his phone and dialled 911. "M- my friend just committed suicide..." He said into the phone, making me sob even harder when I heard it out loud. He tells the person the address and hangs up.

"F- Frank," Ray began, walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder. "Let him go..."

"NO!!" I screamed, pushing him away. Ray looked at me apologetically, and backed away.

"There's some notes," Pete breathed, crying a little and sniffling, but not sobbing. Ray picked up the first note and read it aloud. There was more sobbing and everything when he finished.

"Frank, this other one's for you," Ray gulped, handing me the note. I put it in my pocket to read later so I could hold my dead boyfriend.

"I love you," I whispered into Gerard's ear, before adding a heartbreaking, "Why?"

-

The cops and the ambulance arrived quickly and they had to take Gerard away from me, but I didn't let them do it easily. Oh no. I fought. But they took him anyway.

As I sat alone, I read the note Gerard left me. It broke my heart. No, it shattered my heart.

I could have saved him. Do you want to know how to save a life? How I could have saved his? If I told him I loved him. If only I'd told him two weeks ago- fifteen days ago. Had I known, I would have. I wouldn't have let him cut me off and jump to conclusions. He misunderstood and didn't understand, so he ended his life.

To be honest, I can feel him with me. I feel like he's still here with me, like I feel his presence. But then I look and he's not there. Maybe I'll go and talk to a therapist about it.

-

The funeral was dreadful. It was fucking sad and I hated it. But it was also beautiful. I cried the whole time, and the entire night afterwards. This was killing me. But Ray stayed with me all night, and so did Mikey and Jamia and Pete. And I think maybe even Donna did too.

And maybe Gerard didn't realize how many people loved him and would miss him. And maybe the thought of him was breaking my heart all over again.

He's fucking gone. He's dead and I'll never see him again. I just...

I love him. And he didn't get to hear me say it. I didn't get to tell him. And I miss him. And I never got to tell him how happy he made me and how much I was thankful for him being in my life.

And if I had, perhaps he could be here with me tonight, singing me to sleep. 

Like he said, he'll always be with me. In my dreams. In my heart. In my mind.

And maybe that will keep me going.

Gerard, I'm here without you, baby, but you're still with me in my dreams. And tonight, it's only you and me.

He's an angel. He always was. Always is. And always will be.

I love Gerard Way, My Angel. 

-


	16. Epilogue, part one.

8 months later...

Frank made his way to the cemetery again. He hadn't went there in a little bit, but decided to go again. Most importantly, to find out if he was crazy or not.

He walked through the freezing winds and the snow, making his way to the cemetery gates. It was gloomy out again, but everyday always seemed gloomy to Frank.

He walked up the path and found the grave. Beneath the grave laid a body of a person that Frank loved dearly. Frank couldn't help but to come all the time because he still loved him.

Well, me.

"Gerard," Frank began, shivering like crazy. "Gerard, if you are here with me, prove it. I can feel your presence and I need to know..."

The winds dulled down a bit, bit that wasn't enough to satisfy him.

"Gerard," he cried, dropping to his knees in the ice cold snow. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. "Please... If you're here with me... Let me know... I- I... I love you... I miss you... I need to know..." He began sobbing again.

I kneeled beside Frank, who was unaware of my presence as far as sight or sound or touch. But my aura, that he was aware of. I didn't need him to see me. Not yet anyway.

I began writing into the snow. I wrote, 'I miss you'. I picked up the winds a little so Frank would look around and see the message. And he did.

"G- Gerard?" Frank breathed, voice almost cracking. He looked over the message over and over. A small smile appeared on his face as tears threatened to spill again. "Can you hear me? Are you near me?"

'Yes. I love you, Frank'.

He gasped as the message appeared before his eyes. The tears started to spill. "Oh my god," he whispered, shaking his head. "I'm not crazy."

'I know'.

He chuckled a little at that. "Gerard, why did you kill yourself?" He asked, almost sobbing again. I hate that I've broken him so much.

'Because I thought you didn't love me and never would and I thought I was making everyone unhappy'.

He began shaking his head. "You didn't make anyone unhappy, Gerard," he whispered, looking around, as if looking for me. "You make me happy and I love you so much..."

'I love you too'.

"Will you show yourself to me? Can you?"

'Okay'.

And then I made myself visible. Frank looked up at me and jumped up, wrapping his arms around me. Yes, I was solid, but I was cold as ice. I felt Frank sob into my shoulder.

"It's okay," I soothed him, hugging him back and rubbing his back for comfort. "It's okay... Shh... I'm here..."

He pulled away from the hug, but then crashed his lips into mine.

I almost forgot what kissing him felt like.

After we pulled apart, Frank smiled so big that I swore I felt my heart beat.

"Frank, listen," I said, sighing. I didn't want to do this, but I had to. "If you love me, let me go..."

"What?" He asked, tears pricking at his eyes. "B- but I just got you back..."

"But I'm dead, Frankie. I am here, and I always will be, but I'm not supposed to show you myself. At least, not yet. I need you to be able to live without me for a little while, okay? I need you to realize you don't need me to carry on and be happy. But I will always be here. I'll always stand by your side. I'll follow you forever. Swear you will go on forever if you have to."

He sighed, tears dripping from his eyes again. "I swear that I will go on forever... Again..." He said, hugging me tight. I hugged him back. "Will I ever see you again? Besides when I die?"

"Yes, but only in the future," I said, giving away information that I shouldn't have, but did to ease Frank's mind. "Until the time is right, I'll just follow you wherever you go. I'll be invisible, but I'll always watch over you. I'll always love you."

"I'll always love you too."

He kissed my lips one last time. And with one last look at each other, smiles in tact and tears too, I faded away. But not really. I'd always be there. Until the time was right.

And perhaps Frank needed to let me go. Perhaps he didn't.

But I know that wherever life takes him, I'll be by his side. I'll always love him and I'll always be here.

Frank, I will go down as your lover, your friend... I'll always be with you. A ghost in the sun, a ghost in the snow... I love you, I will love you forever. And I'll always be in your dreams. So don't forget, you can run away with me, anytime you want.

-


	17. Epilogue, part two.

Frank knew it was almost time to leave already, and well, he was dreading it.

He was dreading life itself.

Gerard had decided to take his own life, and Frank honestly would rather die than live life without the love of his life. But he couldn't take his own life like Gerard. He had to be strong.

He had to be strong and live his God awful, miserable life. For Gerard. For Mikey. For his friends. For himself. He needed to carry on and not be afraid to keep on living, like Gerard had written to him.

And that note to him was heartbreaking, but he'd never, ever, get rid of it. He would make sure it was safe until he died, which had to be a long time from now.

Frank was sitting on his bed, all dressed in black. He was taking Gerard's death so fucking horribly. And he was crying.

He held one single red rose in his hand: one he planned to give to Gerard once he came out of the bathroom, but things were different, and Gerard did come out of the bathroom... On a gurney.

He slid his index finger down the rose, letting the thorns cut it up. A single drop of blood fell onto the hardwood floor, and Frank looked at it.

Someone appeared in the doorway. "Frank, let's go," Mikey sighed, taking ahold of Pete's free hand, whilst his occupied hand was wiping tears from Mikey's face.

Frank nodded, and stood up, wiping away his own tears with his sleeve. He walked out the door, and off they all went to the funeral.

-

It was raining lightly when they arrived at the church. They stepped out of the car and made their way up the steps and into the church.

It was an open casket funeral. Donna went up first, looking at her lifeless son and started to bawl her eyes out. Her new boyfriend, Tom, came up and wrapped his long arms around her. He lead her away to the pews.

The priest stood in front of the casket, and give Mikey a sad smile as he walked up to the casket, before, like his mom, bawling his eyes out, but into Pete's chest.

Frank was next. He walked up to the casket and he swore his heart stopped beating for a few seconds. It was a dreadful sight, of course. He brushed back a single strand of raven black hair, to see all of Gerard's pale, yet still remarkably beautiful, yet also lifeless, face.

Frank cried again. It wasn't sobs, but there was tears.

"I love you," he whispered softly, leaning down and placing a short, gentle kiss on Gerard's chapped and faded lips.

He went and sat with everyone else.

Frank remembered finding a note in Gerard's pants pocket, as well as a song he wrote. The note said, 'bury me in all my favorite colors', but then beneath it, it said, 'bury me in black'. 

The song Frank would sing.

When it was finally his turn to speak, Frank gulped, wiping away some tears as he made his way over to where he was supposed to stand.

"H- hello," Frank murmured, looking around and gulping. "Um, I'm Frank. I was Gerard's boyfriend..."

Nobody said anything homophobic, much to Frank's delight.

"I love Gerard," he muttered, and again, nobody said a word. "Even though he's gone forever. And I feel like it's my fault. It is my fault. But I've always loved him, and I always will. He'll carry on, as we all will. And even though he's dead and gone, believe me, his memory will carry on.

"Gerard being in my life was the best thing I could've ever asked for; he was amazing, and beautiful, and so special. I could've never compared. I often wonder why he loved me, of all people."

Frank cleared his throat. "I found a song that he had written; that I will sing. It's called 'The End'."

'Now, come one, come all, to this tragic affair  
Wipe off that makeup - what's in is despair  
So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot  
You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see  
You can find out firsthand, what it's like to be me  
So gather 'round, piggies, and kiss this goodbye  
I'd encourage your smiles, I'll expect you won't cry

Another contusion, my funeral jag  
Here's my resignation, I'll serve it in drag  
You've got front row seats to the penitence ball  
When I grow up, I want to be nothing at all!

I said yeah, yeah!  
I said yeah, yeah!

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, I said  
Save me! (Get me the hell out of here!)  
Save me! (Too young to die, and my dear)  
You can't! (If you can hear me just walk away and)  
Take me!'

Frank didn't notice he was crying until halfway through the song, but he wiped away all of the tears on his face.

Others in the pews were sobbing and clapping.

"What's the worst that I can say?" Frank uttered, wiping his eyes with a tissue. "Things would have been better if he stayed." Frank shuddered, letting a shaky breath escape his lips. "So long and goodnight."

Donna began sobbing loudly, because of Gerard's song, Helena, and then her mother's grave, which read 'so long and goodnight'.

-

They carried the coffin out of the church, and into the hearse, where they would go bury Gerard.

-

Frank watched as they lowered the coffin into the grave. Everyone was allowed to throw a handful of dirt on top, and if they wanted to wait, then place whatever flowers they had on top.

Donna was first with the dirt, the Mikey, then Frank, Tom, Pete, and all of the others next. Everyone left except for Frank.

He laid his single red rose down on top of the grave. He felt odd again, like someone was with him. Like someone was around. Gerard, perhaps?

"I love you, Gerard," Frank whispered into the cool air. Darkness was falling over Belleville, leaving Frank in the cemetery under the twilight sky. "You're my angel."

And with that, Frank walked off in the direction of home, leaving the cemetery behind him, and leaving that feeling of a person standing close to him behind, for now.

"I love you too, Frank, my angel."

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go cx but also there's a short sequel. I might post it later.


End file.
